Monday, 26 October 2009
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Top 5 Things NOT To Do When You Like a Guy with a Girlfriend
You meet him. He's nearly perfect. The two of you have so much in common and.. wait, did he just mention a girlfriend?!It's a terrible, awkward situation to be in. Although it varies from case to case, there are a few basic things to avoid, and by doing so, make the situation a little more tolerable.
#5. Completely ignore him.
Oooh, bad move. To tell you the truth, he probably won't even pick up on why you abruptly ended the friendship. He'll either assume he did/said something offensive, or blame your time of the month. Either way, you're out of what could have been a great friend.#4. Make a move.
Come on, have self-control. This can end in two ways: The first, he pushes you to the ground in disgust (Or something a little less dramatic, but still lets you know you've crossed the line.) Or he can go with it and cheat on his girlfriend. Do you really want to be THAT girl? If he doesn't value his relationship with her, what makes you think you'll be any different?#3. Openly trash his girlfriend.
Sure, write in your xanga about how she's a cheap skank.. then make that post private. Not only is it immature, but it is DEFINITELY not going to get you any closer to him. If he's with her, he obviously does not agree with your less-than-polite remarks. If he's a good guy, he'll probably even get pissed and stick up for her. (And if he doesn't, he is obviously not a very good boyfriend..amiright?)#2. Get with his friends to make him jealous.
Do I really need to explain why this is a bad idea? This will not only make you completely off limits to him (you know, in case something happens down the line..) but this makes you appear to be incredibly trashy. Bottom line, he will not feel jealous. Or anything in the remote neighborhood of jealousy.#1. Try to break them up.
Even if you succeed, which is unlikely, you have hurt someone. Is a boy really worth that? Have as much respect for their relationship as you would like someone to have with yours. If you really, honestly believe that you are the only girl for this taken boy, have faith that he will realize that, too.How you deal with this is up to you, but I suggest being yourself and developing a strong friendship. If he likes you more, he'll ditch the girl on his own. Flirting and being suggestive gives you false hope and him false ideas. Don't put energy into something that won't happen (unless they break up, then he's fair game.) Respecting yourself and respecting his relationship is the way to go. (:
Any other tips?
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About the Author
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- From: TheRealMelanie@xanga
- Name: Melanie
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 17182 Comments: 0 302 View all posts by TheRealMelanie@xanga
Comments (60)
sigh. I hate when they have a girlfriend. it is so depressing. lol. :) I just move on, I'll still be friends, cuz obviously I like him, but I'll look for another guy I like just as much...but doesn't have a gf. ;)
Hey, when I met my current boyfriend he had a girlfriend he claimed he loved. Obviously he didn't because we did some hardcore flirting before I became the other girl.
I agree with this post. Just become friends. If he likes you, you'll pick up on some of the key signs. Maybe he'll talk to you more than he does his girlfriend. Maybe he'll want to hang out with you more. He'll do some flirting possibly as well.
I think if the other person has a girlfriend or boyfriend, you should just let them make the first move. After all, they're the ones who have to make the choice to begin with.
damn i need this. he has a girlfriend but he's also attracted to me. but HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! arrgggh :(
wow I'm in the completely ignore him phase. but you're right. friendship is even better.
meh, soon as i find out, they turn into something different. i guess the "not-gonna-happen " category, and we just become casual - CASUAL friends.
6. Wait it out.
Once I find out a guy that I may be attracted to is hooked, I'm out of the game. Like @MilkyWhitesezMoo@xanga said, he and I will just be "casual" friends. A "Hi" and "Bye" here and there.
Wow, the timing of this post is quite convenient...story of my life. Haha.
There should also be a sequel post about top 5 things not to do if you're that guy with a girlfriend. I'm a little unclear about what the "boundaries" are in this area. Some things are obviously cheating, like making out/hooking up, but what can you say about a guy who Facebook-messages you almost every night and hangs out in your room (and vice versa) until 5 in the morning...just talking? Hmmm??
Then again, with my knowledge of how the opposite sex functions, I'm probably way off-base and he's just being friendly...whatever.
Hmm this post makes me sick.
If he has a girlfriend, why don't you just leave him alone? Did you stop to consider his girlfriends feelings? This whole situation is so disrespectful. Why would you even want a guy who would flirt with you behind his girlfriends back and ultimately dump her like she's trash? More than likely, he'll do the same thing to you. Maybe I'm taking this a bit to the extreme, but this is no different than a woman who tries to steal some other woman's husband. As soon as a guy tells me he has a girlfriend, I lose all attraction for him.
Just be yourself and see what happens. If you end up with him after all, great. If not, there's someone else for you.
When I was in high school, if I found out the guy I liked had a girlfriend, I just forgot about him. It's not worth it at all to go crawling after someone who's in a relationship with another. I have close guy friends who I know like me, which makes it awkward, but I completely let them know that I am a happy girlfriend to a wonderful guy and I am off-limits. If anyone of my friends don't realize it I back-off. Usually I start talking endlessly about my boyfriend to get them to lay off. hahhahah. it's fun.
the only problem is that it's really hard to get over him and move on when you are good friends and hang out all the time. then again, you don't want to end a friendship that is really important to you either.
it's a crappy situation.
amennnnn.
I'm happy someone addressed this.
@RunAwayCOW@xanga - how does it make you sick? what she was doing was telling the readers to respect boundaries and the relationship itself..she posted this to try to tell others not to intervene in another couple's lives... i think it is admirable, not wrong.
since @Shy___Away@xanga already had 6, 7 would be "do not ever, EVER lie to his girlfriend about the time you spend with him, or go behind her back to hang out." if you are really trying to be "just friends" with this guy, sabatoging what makes him happy (aka his relationship) pretty much makes you a terrible person. that is all :D
oh jeez, this hits close to home, lol. i'm super super guilty of number 5 - this guy was my best friend. i was still uncontrollably jealous when he got a girlfriend and completely blew him off with no explanation. naturally, he got angry with me and we argued about it a few times, but it never cleared the air very much since i couldn't tell him the reason i was being so cold. but anyway, the moral of the story is to respect his wishes and do NOT get angry with him for being happy - it isn't your right. as for my friend and i, we're okay now, but things are definitely not the same and i wish i had thought about it on a deeper level or at least waited until i was less upset to interact with him. oh well, lesson learned. i wish him and her all the best.
good tips.
@feelslikejuly@xanga - sounds fun! hehe.
Great post. I think it's important to respect his relationship. At the same time though, I would consider letting him know that I'm interested in him. I wouldn't say it outright, but I would compliment him from time to time and always greet him a big smile. I'd try to slip in a comment like "it's so hard to find a nice, attractive guy like you"..... maybe say that in the middle of a conversation about dating/romance, so it doesn't sound too forward, but it's still a compliment. But I still would avoid all the things on this list. Thanks for sharing!
@octodays@xanga - Oh, ok. I understand now. I read it again. I really like #4. I guess, since I was in a hurry at the time, I only skimmed through it and assumed the worse. Definitely my mistake. I still don't think you should develop a strong friendship with the guy though. That couldn't possibly lead to good things for their relationship- especially since you like the guy. Being friends with a guy you like who is taken is sooo tempting, lol. I think it would be close to impossible to not flirt even a little or show any sign at all that you like him.
Don't be overly friendly, if he has a girlfriend and your talking to him about just stuff and she walks in on the endof it when you give him a hug and say talk to you later, she will automatically think he's cheating. I've been in this situation before and i'm always completely oblivious, to me i'm not doing anything wrong, but that's not how she feels about it. I've accidentally broken up 4 couples this way, and mostly because i've known this guy all my life he's one of my close friends and she had no clue we were friends. it always sucks to be asked did you break them up.
move on move on move on
#5 and #4 are what guys do to girls too.
Bahaha, i have a bestie who has a gf. and i agree, those are definitely not the coolest things you should do.
just be his friend, no biggie.