There was one girl who I vowed to hate for the rest of my life. It was the girl who stole my ex-boyfriend. She was a new friend he had made through an organization on campus while we were in college. When I first met her she seemed nice. Then as time went on I started to suspect something between them. I noticed they were becoming better friends, and the way she would ask him for favors, post messages on his Facebook, chat online, and interact with him made me feel uncomfortable. I approached him about it, but he reassured me that they were just friends and that he could never date someone like her. He even brought us both to lunch once because he wanted us to get along. A little while later we broke up, and about a month or 2 afterwards, he told me he was already seeing someone. As soon as he said that sentence, I already knew who it was.
I was devastated. The timeline I put together made me certain that they liked each other while I was with him, and that the day he broke up with me is probably the day they decided they wanted to be together, maybe even possibly cheated (it's not confirmed... but I don't want to fill up this whole post with why I'm pretty sure that's what happened. I'll just say that events transpired that led me to believe this). I hated him for betraying me. But I truly hated this girl. This heartless, monstrous bitch, who plotted, schemed, and stole her way into his heart.
Since then, I've had a long time to reflect on our relationship and what went wrong. We were having problems during this time. We almost broke up, took a break, and stayed together. I think around the time he started liking her, he was already gone from the relationship. Whether or not this girl was in the picture, we would have broken up because we were just not right for each other. And if he was already "gone" from me (mentally, at least), that means he could not have been "stolen." Nevertheless, while I have forgiven him, it is hard for me to forgive her. I still can't look at pictures of her without feelings of disgust and hatred.
Do you think an SO can be stolen or is he/she already gone? Have you ever stolen another person's SO?
Comments (72)
You can't steal that which is not available to be stolen. I think it was probably just some bad timing, so it's not like she's victorious here. Your relationship was unsteady and she came along at just the right time. He wasn't right for you, but you'll find one that is.
You can't "steal" anyone. They're committed to the relationship, or the aren't.
My husband left his ex girlfriend to date me. I didn't "steal" him; the day I met him he told me how miserable he was in that relationship, and she refused to pay attention or change anything, so of course she was pissed when he left for someone else.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend actually cares for you, they can't be stolen away. If they are "stolen", your relationship sucks, and you should just cut your losses and get over it.
I don't think people steal other peoples SOs. I think that people have problems in a relationship and one person is already mentally not in the relationship anymore so they move on.
@whitetrashpoet@xanga - I agree :)
I believe that someone who is yours cannot be stolen. They would have to choose to walk away and in that case you are better off without them.
to be perfectly honest, i got together with my boyfriend in EXACTLY the same way that you just described your ex getting with this girl. school organization, taking us to lucnh together, everything. weird.
but he would complain about the relationship he was in, tell me how it wasn't working out, etc, etc. he did cheat with me, something i am not proud of and certainly regret, but i don't think that was what made him break up with her ,since i know he was seeing (aka sleeping with) other girls besdies me. once i found that out i was out, but later on we fixed things once he and the ex-girlfriend broke up.
so bascally, no you can't steal what's not able to be stolen. if someone's in love and truly devoted to their significant other, then you're better off trying to steal a mountain than that person's heart.
I am going through something similar to this right now. I met this girl over the summer on facebook through a campus group. We became pretty good friends. Her bf broke up with her when we all came to school. Now, two months later, him and I have become pretty close and really like each other. She feels betrayed and she has ever right to since we are suppose to be friends.
If he was emotionally cheating with her while he was with you, its a good thing you guys parted. If not her, he probably would have found someone else to mess around with. The only thing you have power of, is to treat your man the best that you can. Its up to him to decide if he wants only you or wants to move on. As long as you tried your best to love him the best you can, you won't face any regret in the long run. He on the otherhand may... and in a way, that is the best revenge you will ever have.
no one can be stolen if they belong to you (or if they WANT to belong to you). your relationship was crumbling and your SO had every reason to want to leave and be happy - if he was yours, he'd come back to you, but he probably found someone better suited for him. he made every effort to make sure you and this new girl got along, and to show you that he wanted to work things out, but somehow, it didn't, and he couldn't help being attached to someone else. its nobodys fault, but if i were you i would be pissed too - it DOES seem like he was stolen from you, but you have to remind yourself that it was his choice to go, not the other girl's fault for making him leave - she had nothing to do with your relationship.
No one can be "stolen" ...one person either walks away or the two choose to stick it out, unfortunately there is no real grey area on this one.
I had almost the exact same thing happen to me. except i have proof he cheated. They were "officially" together before we were broken up. I feel for you! I'm the other way though- I forgave her, but I will never forgive him. He made the choice to cheat. He's the one I'll hate forever.
SO def can be stolen from you. someone else catches their eye, they lure them in, and bam, stolen.
As someone who is very, very interested in someone who already has a girlfriend, I'm not sure how to respond to this. No, I think if the relationship is good, nobody's going to steal your SO away because you should be more important to your SO than any other girl. At the same time, if you are having troubles in paradise, and the relationship is ending regardless... then it's not "stealing". So no. No, nobody can "steal" SO's.
Nobody should cheat, but it does happen. :/ It does suck.
I feel your pain girl friend...same exact descriptions of what they did together. I couldnt help think that there was something going on between them too. Now shes gone off to college and our lives are a little quiter now but still I dont know how its going to be like once shes back again....thats why I cant take him seriously now...not yet until everything settles down. I always bring it up to him that ppl like her love the attention. Even though she doesnt share the same passion as him she makes it seem like she's so interested in it, and it got his attention. She got his attention and thats all that matters
Men have brains too, he DECIDED to go with her. It's not ENTIRELY HER fault!!
"This heartless, monstrous bitch, who plotted, schemed, and stole her way into his heart." Haha funny quote. You should just be happy that he's happy. Not the best way to LET him be hapy, but happy non the less.
I'm really sorry about that, but I guess its like "The heart wants what the heart wants" Nothing can tear that apart. Besides, don't you think it's better that he broke up with you THEN got with her, instead of cheating on you?
BE POSITIVE WOMAN!! :D
In your words, I "stole" my current boyfriend from his ex. However, I would say that if he didn't want to be stolen, he wouldn't have let me steal him. It seems like almost the exact same situation you're describing here, except they were in a 4 hour long distance relationship. We met at a wedding. We became friends and slowly became better friends. Like you, they had been having issues in their relationship before I came along, and I think she started to exaggerate those problems, and make it seem as if I was the problem - when I was standing by my friend, trying to help his figure out what was wrong, and potentially fix it. I didn't steal him, not intentionally. Like I said, if he didn't want to be stolen - if he didn't want her to leave, he wouldn't have let her leave.
This is a tough one, but I don't think someone's SO can be "stolen". If that person decides to leave the relationship for someone else, you know that they had already left that relationship mentally long before it manifested itself into a physical departure.
My husband's ex-gf thinks I stole him from her, but she's delusional. They had been broken up for about a year before we even met. For some reason, as soon as I entered the picture she became quite possessive of him and told everyone I was the reason they had broken up. Normally, I would have immediately left the relationship because I do not like to be in the center of drama. But what can I say - I was (and still am) in love with my husband, so I wasn't ready to give it up. It also helps that I have proof she was seeing someone else during the time they were broken up - even though she maintains to this day that they were never broken up until he met me. ;)
No one can be "stolen". It's a stupid term used by naive little children who think that they've got their SO figured out. I was tested by a friend (who had some feelings for me) over my monogamy with my girlfriend. I passed up the friend, because I'm committed to my girlfriend. End of. There's no bullshit grey areas in this matter. You're either in with that person, or you're not.
Anyone who says otherwise, really doesn't know shit.
My ex-boyfriend was dating a another girl when I started liking him. She was moving off to another state though, so I waited to see if they would break up before revealing my crush. However, they decided to stay together and try the long-distance thing. I decided not to say anything to him because I figured it would never work out, but through word of mouth he somehow found out that I liked him, which made him decide to end things with her. I never tried to "steal" him, it just sort of happened unexpectedly. Even in this case though, the girl hated me and still stayed friends with him. Just goes to show that girls will be quick to blame the girls who "steal" their boyfriends for being malicious bitches even if though it is the guy that's making the ultimate decision.
I've been in a similar situation many times, but I then thought "wait, would I really want to be with some schmuck with taste so unrefined that he prefers her saggy bimbo-hipster ass to mine? Or worse yet, some schmuck who uses me to hang on to as a back-up because I'm conveniently there already when he's really going after something else under the table?" No! He is a coward for certain, she may or may not be a bitch. But either way, I give you full license to hate her although it's almost entirely his fault and not hers.
It's easy to understand why you hate this girl. But at the same time it's also kinda childish. I'm sure all the past girlfriends of your ex boyfriend hate you too. =p
I still hate the dude that dated my ex after she had broken up with me.
1. We dated a year and they were already dating not even a week after the breakup. Lack of respect, buddy
2. He made her life hell
3. The day I layed it all out to her, with apology and things I'd do better and stuff like that, a full freakin essay, was the day he started dating her.
SO's can be stolen, even though in my case she wasn't exactly my SO....more like the girl I care about and love to death, but a year is a year. I wanna deck him so bad. More often than not it happens in the sequence of events that happened to me.
All that you can do is move on though, that's one shitty boyfriend. I think both him and the girl he left you for can go jump in front of a train.
I've felt this betrayal too but it wasn't as bad as this. It happened after we were already done with, and I'm hoping it's not because of her.