It's not like I'm super conservative when it comes to one's sexual behavior and past history. Just that I had a higher threshold than I knew I had.
Sure, one night stands and casual sex are bound to happen. But I can't seem to get around the thought of my partner, of a serious relationship, to have numerous one night stands and a few f*** buddies before, in a few year's span. For someone, like me, who still thinks sex is precious in a way, this puts an uncomfortable feeling in my heart.
The thought that he could go completely uncontrolled with his sexual desires scares me sometimes. But the past is the past, right?
If your partner had a wild sexual history before you, how would you feel and what would you do to get over it/ not get over it?
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Comments (80)
I honestly don't know how I'd take it. My fiance and I lost our virginity together.
I guess it could be a bit troubling, but nothing I'd let bother me extremely. Sex is sex. It's not love. And vice versa. If he loves you, it shouldn't matter.
I'd be wary, but it might work...
It troubled me quite a bit, but I will be okay in time.
I'm still having trouble dealing with the fact that my SO lost his virginity back in February, months before we started dating. I'm not against sex before marriage, but I do believe virginity is something special... and the fact that his girlfriend at the time (who's apparently some skank, from all the times she's cheated on her boyfriends, including him) was the one that he chose to lose it to bugs the hell out of me ;____;
so to answer the question, I'm not sure how I would deal with it. I think it'd be easier for me to get over it if it had been further back in the past, like a year or two. but if it was recent, as in a few months... I'd probably not get over it. and be afraid that he might cheat on me, because I'm still a virgin and wouldn't put out for quite some time.
It would suck for awhile, especially seeing how my history is non-existent. Yeah it'll take awhile for me to get used to. =\
I tease my husband about his slutty past. Playfully, of course.
so I'm not complaining on that end.
It bothered me a little at first, because I'd only slept with one other person, but if the relationship is worth it, you'll get over it. Sure, he's slept with a lot of other women. But he doesn't have STDs or illegitimate children, and he's not sleeping with them now! And hell, all that experience makes him AWESOME in bed
And it's not something he brags about or anything. He's not super proud of himself and doesn't rub it in my face. When I brought up that it was a little intimidating when we first started seeing each other, he just looked at me and told me that absolutely none of those women mattered, and I was the hottest out of all of them and the best sex he'd ever had. Even if he was just flattering me, he treats me like it's true. The past is just that - the past. If he's worth it, it won't matter.
@npr32486@xanga - Same here.
People should be upfront & honest about their sexual past. To me, if you cant talk about it with your significant other, it doesnt make you cool. It tells me you're ashamed of it. If nothing else, you should tell so both people can be tested for STDS. I've heard so many people sing the "I'm clean!" song & being ignorant, they didnt know they had something. Not all diseases have outward symptoms. That's why so many people get severely sick &/or infertile.
past = past
As long as they were clean and didn't plan on continuing a wild lifestyle while in a relationship with me then it doesn't matter.
@suggestivetongue@xanga - totally agreed, well said!
Im in the same situation you are. It sucks. I lost my virginity to my only boyfriend, who was a swinger and had multiple fuck buddies and one night stands before me. He may be a wild child, but he has told me himself that if the perfect college experience for him is going around treating other girls like crap, he doesnt want it. You should accept people as they are and not try to change them. I made that mistake once and I regret it. Bottom line, if he cares for you, he wont do that shit anymore.
I really could not care less about it. This type of thing has never fazed me in the slightest. : /
Also, I don't believe that virginity means a damn thing, really. It's just a concept that varies from person to person. I waited to have sex until I was with someone that I loved so that I wouldn't become attached to someone I didn't (like so many people I know have).
..Make my own wild sexual history with him?
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - I think being ashamed may be good, if they know they screwed up and don't want to do it again (no pun intended). They should still be upfront though
I'd explain my view on sex and tell him that he needs to respect me and my wishes and then I'd do my best to overlook his past.
i know my bf has had a few girlfriends in the pass and even some girls he had a one off with and even a women who was old enough to be his mum (she apparently lied about her age and doesn't look it either)
but the past is the past, i can't expect much from it because it was before we met. if he means it none of that should happen ever again but if hes just saying things to keep you around but continues to ask for a bit of fun here and there then i would walk away from him as fast as i could.
I don't want to know. It's something I know would be better left in the past and not to be brought up again.
I would get over it, but my partner better feel GUILTY! It's just the way it is....
I think you just have to try to understand that they were at a different place in their life before you and when it happened. I went through that stage for about a year due to all the things going on in my life. I usually worry about the people that did mean something instead of the ones that didn't though.
Don't play out the whole "Chasing Amy" thing... The past is, in fact, the past. Leave it be.
Inject a tracking device into his penis if you're that paranoid.
Problem solved!
@suggestivetongue@xanga - Exactly.
The past is in the past, leave it at that. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.
@whitetrashpoet@xanga - i'm in complete agreeance.
to the blogger, keep whitetrashpoet's words in mind. i am in a similar situation (although not married to my SO), and felt similar to her. try to keep the positives in mind..if he is treating you right, and you two care for each other..what do you have to lose?
you are right..the past is the past :) you are his present/future
also, like others said, if he feels a weeeeee bit guilty about his sexual history, it does make it a bit better :))
I guees I'm okay with it. The only thing that worries me is whether he has STD or not.
@OpiumxRainbows@xanga - Lovvvve it!
@Forever_Unlimited@xanga - Love it even more!
I think theoretically I'd be like, whatever, the past is the past. But emotionally it'd bother me until I trusted her enough to feel safe that she wouldn't cheat on me, or need a 'fuck buddy' while she was in a relationship with me.
Which is why polyamory is easy to get my head wrapped around, but harder to get my heart wrapped around.
..Fuck. This may be harder than I thought. (I'm trying to date/ask out a girl who's polyamorous) To be clear-- being polyamorous usually means having multiple relationships. Not fuck buddies or one night stands. It's just a similar emotional issue.