Sunday, 25 October 2009
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No, Really...We're Just Friends!
If you've seen "When Harry Met Sally" or just had the luck of being in such a awkward situation, you've asked yourself if it really is possible for a man and woman to be "just friends."
I've heard many viewpoints on this, but it seems hilarious that some people still believe men and women can't be friends without the threat of sexual tension.
I watched my best friend marry her fiance (who became a close friend of mine), recently, and I laughed to myself when I thought of how many times I had heard the above statement. Here was living proof that sexual tension is not a prevalent factor in all relationships with the opposite sex.
Do you have a friend of the opposite gender? Do you believe it's possible to have a normal friendship in this manner (assuming both of you are bisexual or heterosexual)?
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- From: cmclymer
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Comments (63)
I think in 9 out of 10 cases men and women can't be "just friends" at some point one or both parties has a crush on hte other, which may not effect your friendship but you can't pretend "your just like a borther/sister to me".
I have male friends, but I see them like brothers so it would seem wrong to 'like' them in that way
My best friend is a guy. There is no sexual tension b/w us... And I have many other guy friendships... But a few of those other friendships do have that sexual tension... **shrugs** The sexual tension all depends on ... well...Idk. Haha!! My best friend and I talk about everything. And I mean everything. Sex included... And we can do so w/out that awkwardness... I don't talk about sex w/other guy friends frequently b/c there is that awkwardness...or maybe it's curiousity. Haha!
:e)
You can have a friendship but not a close friendship...it always turns into feelings
for a man and a woman to be just friends for real, they both have to be slightly repulsed by the other.
My best friends is a guy, we've been friends for 7 years. We never dated, never even kissed, never hooked up. He is truly just my best friend.
Hasnt worked for me, may be its just the specific person i am reffering to that cant keep to boundries! Other then that, it is possible to be just friends.
i am friends with someone of the opposite sex, and I am married to someone else. I used to have a crush on him, but not now, hes just like a brother.
Well, if the person is dating your close friend than the tension isn't as noticeable. But if you get close to your friend's mate emotionally, it's common for people to cheat. One thing I've learned is that even if you think there is no tension, you aren't the only one in the "friendship." Even at church this happens. Recently, the music director at my Grandmother's church was fired for having an affair and setting a bad example. If you have a deep emotional/spiritual/mental bond with your partner and family, you shouldn't need to create too many "tight" friendships outside the marriage that may alter your decision making with same sex or opposite gender individuals.
my best friend is a guy
we would neverrrr ever consider dating, hooking up, or taking our friendship to a different level than it's at now
we're JUST best friendss. so yes, it's possible
There are people who continuously think my bestfriend and I are together romantically, but in all honesty, I don't think it'd ever work out.
Oh I absolutely believe a man and a woman can be just friends. I have a best friend that's a guy and though he's my everything, it's only in a friend way, and we have no feelings other than friendship towards each other. We have that great, brother and sister vibe, it's wonderful.
used to happen all the time.
Definitely! ...well, in some cases. It helps if both friends are already attached to someone else. However, there's always the chance of you befriending a SINGLE person of the opposite sex and him/her getting the wrong idea by thinking you're flirting with them. This happened to me a few times... which probably explains why they didn't talk to me too much once they found out I had a boyfriend. It sucks. What ever happened to having innocent and friendly conversations?! =/
There are two points to consider:
1) Women very strongly want to believe that they can "just be friends" with a guy.
2) Men can never "just be friends" with a woman.
Because of #1, women will fool themselves into believing all kinds of things about the man's feelings, and because of #2, if she doesn't face reality, the woman will eventually drive the man away.
@Non_Cherie@xanga - I didn't consider that alternative, but you're absolutely right.
my best friend is a guy, as well as my other two extremely close friends, and we don't have alot of sexual tension in our friendships but that's not to say that we don't sometimes act more than friends or whatever...
@Princess_Sakurina@xanga - exactly... that's how my relationship with two of my three really close guy friends are. the other one not so much but we have a different story and different background... but yes my two closest guy friends are just like my brothers (and they act more like brothers than my biological brothers do at some times...) so it would be awkward to find out that either one of them ever had feelings for me or for me to have feelings for them or whatever...
i don't think men and women can be PURELY just best friends, because there is a level of attraction as well. you value your best friend, female, probably more than your guy friends because (A) she is female (B) you like being around her (C) she probably makes you happy. There is a chance that you are subconsciously attracted to her, it doesn't have to be SEXUAL attraction - it could be other factors. would you be fine if she decided to share more things with her fiance/husband more than she does with you? probably not. would you be happy if she ditched you for a date with her man? probably not. so no, men and women can't PURELY be BEST friends. your "best friend" will probably (no offense) value her husband more than you, so in a sense, HE is her best friend, and you're just a friend. i've had experiences where my best friends all fell for me - or vice versa, its because you get really close with another person of the opposite sex, and you will develop feelings for the nonetheless, regardless of whether it IS sexual or not. i guess what im trying to say is men and women CAN be friends, just not BEST FRIENDS. thank god my best friend is my SO - or i'd have a problem if he hung around with another girl a lot, and enjoyed things he did with me. i'd flip.
Most of my friends are heterosexual guys and girls with my asexual self being the outlier alongside a couple of gay, lesbians, and bisexuals here and there . We've all gotten along great. When we hang out with one another, we do it because we like being a giant, loud crowd that loves to goof off. We're like one big dorky family.
I don't understand where this concept of women and men being unable to hang even came from because all of my friends and I hang with each other just fine. There's no sexual tension even considering the exes and crushes in the mix. We value our friendships too much to let sexual tension being a ruling factor in anything.
Humans are sexual beings, and we relate to one another sexually no matter what type of relationship we have, the sexual element will always be there. We play it out differently depending on the other aspects of the relationship, and due to other situations, but we are always aware of gender/sexuality, etc. Some people are not comfortable admitting this, but it's true.
There is no such thing as 'just friends' no matter the gender, relationships are more complex than that.
If that statement of men and women can't "just be friends" is true, then I'm sure more than half of the populations' sex history will be double, maybe triple even. Women would be having sex with every man that they knew that was not single. The same would be applied for men.
@dearFLOPPY@xanga - I agree. At some level, there is attraction, and I think it applies to relationships of the same sex as well (even if you are straight). But it isn't necessarily a sexual attraction.
It's very easy to say that a man and woman (both heterosexual) cannot be friends if at least one party is desperate for a relationship. I've gone through this feeling, and I know a few people who have had the same experience. With any friendship ties they have, they focus it on one person and start to think they like that person. Then if they determine that the other party does not like them, they move on to the next person, and the next person, etc. They try and land on somebody until they are able to secure a romantic relationship. But I grew out of it. Most people, I hope, do.
But that 'rule' that a man and woman can NEVER be JUST friends ignores the fact that there will, somehow, always be an exception. Facts are not truths; facts are just opinions that are widely shared. Theories can be proved, but there will always be outliers.Â
I think you can be friends but I think it is highly unlikely that at some point, one or both parties did or does not form feelings for the other person.
I am thinking about all the guys I have ever been friends with and I would say with 90% of them, there has been some point in time where I had feelings for them. Some feelings only lasted a few weeks, others months, for a few of the guys, it was years.
I am friends with this one guy and I formed a crush on him in 2005. I even admitted it to him but nothing never came of it. I'll admit, whenever we hang out, I still feel a pang of attraction for him but I won't ever act on it.
I think both men and women can definitely be "just friends." My best friend happens to be a guy and he is like a brother to me...I love him to death! :)