As someone who has only had one girlfriend his entire life it's sometimes hard to even imagine myself married to a girl. I know a lot of people who married before they turned 25-some were around 22 or 23 and had been together for quite some time. Only a few of them I know are no longer together.
For someone like me who is 25, it seems like I went through the most changes mentally and emotionally once I entered into my 20's, which is a big reason why some people say it's hard to be married at that age since you're still changing/developing as a person. Do I agree with this? Well yes, to an extent.
Even if people go through a lot of changes mentally and emotionally during their early 20's that doesn't mean they weren't meant to be together. Sure they won't necessarily be the same person down the road but that shouldn't stop them from marrying each other, especially if they love each other and can't see themselves with anybody else except that one person who is their heart and soul.
Any thoughts?
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Comments (58)
I don't think changing has anything to do with marriage. It's more like maturity and understanding. Sure, now at 20 years old, I can picture myself with no one else besides my boyfriend but in reality I and most 20 year olds out there are not ready for marriage because there is a lot that you need to give up and a lot that you need to work out. Being married and dating are two totally different thingsa nd I don't think that most 20 somethings notice this.
I feel that it's important to grow and change together, instead of apart. I'm marrying my high school sweetheart in one year. :)
It depends on the person. I hope to be married young to my boyfriend...not soon, but in a few years to know if I'm making the right choice. I feel that I am, and I'm going to stick with my gut.
I'm engaged to my boyfriend and i know he is the one for me. We've both changed over the past almost two years that we've been together, but we've grown together and the changes we've both made were positive. He's made me a better person and I've made him a better person. Early on in the relationship and when I had first started college my mom told me that I shouldnt settle on one guy just yet. And i told her that I'm happy right now, i have a guy that treats me like a princess and is always there to support me, as i am him, and we're in love. why would i jeapordize that just to see what/who else is out there? After seeing us together and getting to know him she's fully supportive of our engagement.
Getting married young isnt for everyone of course. Not everyone finds their soul mate young. But I know a few other couples that got married young and are still happily together after 3-5 years. The only couple that I know that got married young and is already divorced is this girl that got married cuz she was pregnant. I believe in it and support it if the young couple is getting married for the right reasons (they truely love each other.) Some people might say, you have you're whole life to get married and settle down, but you really dont. Life goes by fast, why waste it piddling around. If you know what you want and it makes you happy, i say more power to you, as long as both parties are fully in.
Really the only thing that should matter when considering getting married is why you're getting married (it should be for love, not cuz the girl accidently ended up pregnant) and that you're finacially ready (you can both support yourself)
I got married at 18 (I'm 21 now). My husband I are still together and we have one son. I have definitely changed and matured as a person, but it's never caused a rift within my marriage. In fact, my husband tells me that he's really proud of me, because he's seen that earlier version of myself and he feels that I've improved in a lot of ways. So if the other person is mature enough to handle their SO changing, then maybe marrying early isn't so bad. Personally, I feel like we're going to be together forever.
I got married in April. I was 19, my husband 22. Now we're 20 and 23. 6 months. And I have never had any doubts, ever. Not even when we started dating two and a half years ago. Sounds lame but I knew after the first date that I would never be satisfied with anyone else. And because of my awesome luck, we've had to go through hell and back together since we got married - and I wouldn't have been able to handle any of it without him. Our relationship only gets stronger with all the shit life throws at us.
Also, I never, ever wanted to get married. Changed my mind the day I met the man who is now my husband.
i think, that if it makes them happy. i'm all for it
Hmmm... sometimes being married can hold a person back though. I feel like you need to know who you are before you are ready to commit yourself to someone for the rest of your life. I refuse to believe that anyone knows who they are until they are at least a few years out of high school, but usually it is much later. I kind of associate this with knowing where you are going to be and what you are going to do for the rest of your life (I mean, in general - like you have a career and a permanant place to live - like indefinite future kind of settled).
You can still be in a relationship, but you should never be bound to one person otherwise your growth will always have been stunted.
One of my recent friends' weddings involved what you're saying. But I know that they are meant for each other because they've been together for over 7 years before they got married. But, I do also know some people who get married just because they were going to have a baby . . . which is not good in my book.
Well.... I guess I can't really say for other people, but for myself personally, I would not like to be married young. I'm only 19, and personally I wouldn't mind if I didn't get married until I was in my 30s, because ... well, I'm still not sure about who I am. I'm still trying to grow up, I'm still yet to find a career option for myself, I still haven't even given marriage that much thought. I'm planning on focusing on my career and travel before I marry. By the time I'm done with school, I'm not sure if gay marriage will be legalized in the US yet, either... which will suck. Plus, for marriage, I definitely want to be financially secure, done with school, able to take out mortages and loans and pay back debts, at least a little bit. I'm really not spontaneous at all.
I can't speak for all my young married friends, but I know I couldn't handle marriage now at 20 because I'm still in that stage of life where I need to do "selfish" things like study abroad and not have to worry about leaving an SO behind, in addition to all the responsibilities that come with managing a household and a job (no way will I ever get married before finding a stable job).
I have this suspicion with some people I know, though I can't say for sure of course because that would be judging them, but I have a feeling that some of my friends got married so they could have sex (they're devoutly Christian). I think that's the saddest excuse in the world to get married, but hey, not my place to judge.
I can't see marrying early as a bad thing, because I guess I did it (at least by your definition... though I was "late" to marry compared to some of my friends). I was 23 when I got married. I think you do change in your 20s a lot, but the essence of who you are doesn't change, and that's what is really important in building a marriage (along with communication).
I freak out when people my age get married or talk about getting married. I don't even like to think of my sister being engaged at 26. For some reason it is the thing to do these days, get married at like twenty one and pump out some kids a year or two later. While I wish these people well, if anyone asks me about what I think of them getting married in their twenties, I would say you're out of your mind. Maybe I'm just cynical but I don't have a lot of faith in people staying together when married at such a young age despite my parents and grandparents being shining examples of couples that married early.
@IfIWereAchilles@xanga - it's something I've had to start to accept-i know a couple of people who either had a child and got married after the kid was born or had a child in less than a YEAR or marriage-it is crazy man
I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 19, and honestly, not just out of lust, but out of pure and simple love, I could see myself married to him within the next couple of years. He's not a fan of young marriages though I am, but he can see himself married to me as well. It may sound cliche, but we really are meant to be together, and I'm glad. I love him, and he loves me, and we've been through a LOT in the past 2 years. More than most couples go through in 5-6 years or more. It's amazing how when you find the right person you know it.
If you want to you can choose in what ways you develop. Who's to say you can't grow and change with someone, rather than just as an individual. I feel like my boyfriend helps me grow and learn and that in the long run I will be able that yes, I changed most in my early 20's but that didn't make the relationship any more difficult, in fact it will probably make it easier.
Totally agree. Theres always one girl, or guy for the ladies, that is just portrayed as completely beautiful in all aspects by the admirer. You feel drawn by more than just lust or calm, smooth words. If your lucky enough to be paired with this person you change and grow together, and thats really an amazing and beautiful thing. More of us should be so lucky, the world might be more peaceful.
My husband and I were 22 and 19 when we got married, and we don't believe in divorce, so I expect us to last. Also, it's made college a lot easier, since we had a long distance relationship, and now we're together enough to where I dont feel depressed at not seeing him or forcing time for a date. In other words, we're doing great
. I love being married young!
It's not for everyone, but I also wouldn't say you should be at least 25 before you get married, either. I think everyone who gets married, regardless of age, should have premarital counseling or at least talk to a mature married couple about what marriage actually entails. If you think it's going to be all happily ever after, you're probably too young. (For the record, I am 26 and nowhere near getting married)
That is a good insight on the changes a person goes through in their early twenties. I think when people get married young... they need to ask themselves, if we are going to be together forever and get married, why cant we put it aside and be engaged until we are 25? Cuz hell, if they can't make it till 25 then what's the point in even getting married? The only except I would say is for military reasons.
I just wrote a similar post, LOL. don't worry you're only 25. there's no rush. if you find someone you can see yourself with for the rest of your life, take the plunge. just make sure you have your life in order before you add someone to the equation - specifically mentally and emotionally.
I don't think your typical person that is college age (18-22 ish) really has the maturity it takes to be married. Lots of them get married for the novelty of it, one girl I knew admitted she just wanted to be married and have a "hubby" and she didn't care who it was.
All of my friends who so far have gotten married when both where under 23 (within the last 5 years) are now either divorced or separated. Those where at least one was 25 or over have stayed married with the exception on one couple. I have so far had about 30 sets of friends get married in the last 10 years or so. The younger they were when they married the sooner the marriage was over.
A lot of it has to do with nobody wants to actually work at a marriage, they think its easy and when they face problems they walk away. They younger ones are the worst at it.
Of my 30 or so married couple friends, more than half are now divorced or separated (with a few who got back together) .
Do I think teens and early 20s is too early to get married? After what I have seen from my friends and their friends, HELL YES!
I think it's ridiculous and something I would never do because of my parents. Rushing into things way before you're at that age is just immature and stupid.
As so many previous posters have suggested, most young adults under the age of 25 do not have the maturity to handle a commitment as serious as marriage. There are a handful who CAN handle it though, and I've been privileged to know some of that handful. My brother and his wife got married when they were 20 and 19. They have been married almost 4 years now and have one sweet little boy and another baby (it's a girl!!!) on the way. They are a very happy couple, extremely devoted to each other. Several of my friends from college got married around 20-21 and are doing well. I guess I might fall into the young category too...I was 24 and my husband was 23. We are doing well too.
So...I tend to be led to believe it's not so much age as it is maturity, how you've been raised, etc. Both my husband and I were raised in stable homes, our parents are still together and very much in love so that was modeled for us at a young age. It really depends on the individual couple and their situation.