Saturday, 24 October 2009
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Silently Satisfied by the Suffering Ex
Who has not gone through a bad break-up? Sometimes the bad break-up simply leaves us with heartache and sad memories. Other break-ups leave the rest of us just hating our exes.
Story 1: My boyfriend, for example, had gone through a bad break-up back in high school. The relationship lasted over two years!
Of course, my boyfriend now is happy with me. But whenever the ex came up in conversation, his hate for her was obvious. He would confide in me his thoughts about his ex. I was glad he could tell me how much he wanted his ex to suffer, and I mean really suffer. There were conversations where we would plan how to ruin his ex's life (and some were quite humorous). This is not to mean my boyfriend is not over his ex-girlfriend. People harbor feelings for over lifetime's.
His wish: That his ex-girlfriend is left unhappy, loveless, and suffering. This would make his life just a little bit happier.
So far: Not going to happen. She is happily in a relationship, making her way through college, and already living on her own. But hey, my boyfriend can still dream can't he?
Story 2: I went through a bad break-up in high school. However, I was the one simply left with the heartbreak and sad memories. Recently, I heard my ex returned to our small town.
For months, I felt the need to talk to him. Maybe talk to my ex about the past, ask him questions. Maybe catch up. I never wanted him to suffer or ever felt any hatred toward him.
It was not until recently that I found out that his life is shit. He's drinking all the time, he's jobless and loveless, and far disconnected from his family. A lot of my friends think he's a jerk now.
And...for....some reason...I was silently satisfied.
After the conversation with my friends, I found myself never wanting to talk with my ex again. I felt totally over him. Ironic that I was the person who did not my ex to suffer and he did, when my boyfriend is always constantly hoping his ex is suffering and she's not.
So my question to you readers,
1) Have you ever wanted your ex to suffer so badly? And if so, what is the worse kind of suffering you could imagine for them? Is it just a small situation or did you plan a whole lifetime?
2) Secondly, what made your ex so bad? Why do you want them to suffer?
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Comments (60)
1) No, I'm not a cruel or revengeful person. That accomplishes little to nothing. There is already enough suffering in this world.
2) He abused me, but I have moved on with my life the best I can. I do not wish for him to suffer, and I am glad he was able to have a good relationship with my friend from high school after I left him.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Ghandi
The most suffering I wanted my ex to do was just not be happy with the girl he cheated on me with.
I honestly want him to be happy. Just not with her~
mmm certain people who just were giant jerks during our relationships or the break-up, i must admit, i was very quietly happy to see their lives go to shit through their own doing...
although i didn't do anything actively to make them suffer except one (which i didn't bother doing for long because actively doing anything is pointless)
Here's the thing: I never wanted my ex to suffer, really. I just wanted to stop thinking about her altogether, so I can move on. People suffer more when they are so down on themselves or so focused on their exes, rather than moving on with their life.
1) I only want my last ex to suffer. Which I know is mean, but the chances of it happening are actually, given his life, pretty good. And he brought it on himself. (mwahaha.)
2) He cheated on me. Now he's engaged to the girl who he was seeing on the side. They hadn't even been together a year. Plus he's emotionally unstable and goes to the hospital for some new ailing every other week. I couldn't ever count on him to give me support when I needed it. He knows that I know he was unfaithful, which makes it even better because he becomes so guilty every time he sees me.
I understand the feeling a bit. I never wished an ex of mine harm, but for a long while my husbands ex-wife was bitchy enough to make a saint consider murder. For a while my husband and I both spent time in hatefully mean conversations about her and the things we wish would happen in order to "put her in her place" (I know that's horrible but I was only 16 and still pretty self centered when I moved in with my husband). Then one day I was out playing with my stepchildren. We were having a lot of fun and I was thinking how much I loved them, how smart, sweet and fun they were. Suddenly it occurred to me that she had done something amazing for me that I could never thank her enough for. She gave me two wonderfully special kids. After that Ah ha moment I could never manage to wish her ill again. She didn't change, she was still a biatch of the very highest rank, but I changed. I could no longer be mean to the woman who was the mother of my first two children.
Yeah I felt that way in the beginning, but in the end, who really cares? Why wish ill on someone you used to love, when obviously you loved them for a reason.
I feel sympathetic to the fact that my ex apparently broke up with his girlfriend, actually because I wanted them to work out together, I don't wish anything bad on him at all.
I feel like if you're dedicating time to thinking about how shitty your ex's life could be that you're devoting too much time to them, and you haven't really gotten over it.
I'm vindictive and spiteful, but I would never allow an ex to have the satisfaction of knowing that I think about them, even if they're really mean thoughts.
I've had an ex I wanted to suffer, and he did, and yes, it was VERY satisfying. Then I had an ex I didn't care, and he was married about a yeaar after we broke up, lol. And I was happy for him, even though I didn't talk to him much. The only reason I wanted the other one to suffer was because he actually cheated on me.
haha great post. i think we've all secretly hoped for a little bit of suffering. even when it's a good breakup. who wants to see their ex happy before they are.. or maybe i'm a little selfish that way.
He lied to me for over 8 months. Then a month after we broke up, on the same date as our anniversary, he got together with this 15 year old girl he cheated on me with. (He is 18..)
I broke up with him, and he told everyone he dumped me, which I dont care about per say but it was just kindof like 'why would you do that, it is not a big deal?' Well! One week later she dumped him and now all his status updates are "so miserable" "cant stop thinking of you." "gimme back my girl, gimme back my life."
I laugh uncontrollably in the irony.
haha cuz he was just a plain asshole after we broke up one of the worst.. i don't understand why after a breakup he had to be the worst. anyways, it shouldn't have gone down like that but obviously it did.. so retarded most guys are
I go back and forth between wanting him to hurt/suffer and between wanting him to truly happy with the new girl he's with (or simply in life in general).
When I'm in a good mood, feeling happy about being single, about the new opportunities, and just about life in general, those are the moments that I truly wish nothing but happiness on him.
The times that I want him to hurt/suffer is when I'm missing him (even if just the great friendship we were starting to have--which I refused in the end because I was afraid it'd make me hurt more, and then I'd end up hating him because of my hurt) and am hurting myself.
So I know that me wanting him to hurt is only a reflection of what I'm feeling, but knowing the difference between the two, I honestly know that deep down I really want to see him happy, to see him succeed.
In our relationship, he cheated on me. When he was angry, he'd punch walls, and hell, he even broke his hand from punching a pole (whether we were arguing or if just angered by something else)--or he'd throw things at me if we were arguing. But yet, by the end of it, we were better off friends, and regardless of what happened in our relationship, I want him to be happy.
@lot223@xanga - No, I totally share your sentiment.
Though I can't say I wanted my ex to SUFFER, I don't see anything wrong with secretly wanting him/her to regret letting you go. ;]
i don't harbor any grudge or negative feelings against exes, but my first ex broke up with me in front of my whole youth group and church AFTER cheating on me four times with my supposed best friend. it was quite the embarrassment. we broke up and i was devastated as he was my first boyfriend, but until recently, he told a mutual friend of ours that he regrets having treated me so badly for no apparent reason as well. that satisfied me, because regret is the worst thing a person can feel - and it was apparent he wanted to get back with me. but he can go suck a cock now for all i care, cause im happily taken.
I didn't really want my last ex to suffere, well I did, but I wouldn't wish ill on damn near anyone, even if they did break my heart quite a bit, but I warned her that her relationship would fail a certain way and it did exactly everything I told her it would and I must admit that I did feel happy when she called me up saying that it didn't work out and she told me everything I already knew would happen. I doubt she'll ever read this, but we had this conversation the other night on the phone and she's happy that I'm having on again/off again problems with my current gf, but I didn't care. Â She wished me dead actually at one point... so do I care if she has problems? Nah. Â Wow, this went on a tangent I never expected it to
I dont wish any excessive pain and suffering on my exes. I just wish that they feel what i have in the past, whether it be good or horrible.
I agree with Katberg... it'd be okay for him to regret letting me go, but no. I never wanted him to be in pain or suffer, actually the opposite. I loved him a lot, and he cheated, yet through the whole thing and even still I pray for him all the time, and I actually want him to be happy. It's been 2 years since we broke up, and we dated for 2 years. The only thing close is the first gf he broke up with after we broke up, i was a little satisfied.
Although in the end, I would probably feel the same way as you and be satisfy to know he's alone and a loser who will never amount to anything.
I would not want my ex to suffer. I mean, yes, I cannot stand them, but it would make me sad to see them sufferring.
Hahahaaaaa. Um. My main ex who I was more of a jerk to is doing fine, I think?, and I'm glad about that. I haven't spoken to him since I got with my new boyfriend about 6 months ago, but that's how he likes it so it's fine at that. My current boyfriend's pseudo-ex/crush/love? totally effed him over a few months before we got together, and got with this one guy. She's still with that guy but is totally in love with my boyfriend's best friend who got with some other guy for a while which caused her to stop talking to him. I found that fuckin hilarious =)
honestly, the ones that i want to suffer are the ones that screwed me over.
I have only had one ex, and I never wanted him to suffer just because our relationship ended. I'm not sure I even understand that line of thinking unless he did something such as cheat on you.
It's kind of funny that I'm reading this right now. I dated a guy for a year and a half, broke up with him when he was too clingy, and then started dating my childhood love two days later. Now, I'm visiting my hometown where my ex lives and entertaining thoughts of seeing him. I don't think he's moved on. It is a little satisfying to know I meant that much to him. But I would rather him be ok and over me.
This was a very self-centered comment. lol.