I once read: "If you love each other enough, it will work...the commitment will grow. Sadly, you have it backwards. Love is not enough. Life and marriage is so much more complicated than this. You need protection that can stand up to the storms that come your way and the shield for marriage is commitment."
I recently caught up with some of my girlfriends and our latest discussion is whether or not couples with nothing in common can stay in a relationship for the long haul. This is just an observation on my part.
My friend B has nothing in common with her boyfriend C. They're only 2 years apart so it's not the age that separates them but more hobbies and interests. For example, he likes to stay in, she likes to go out. He's really into sports, she thinks it's a bore. He's a dog person, she's a cat person. He's religious, she's not. She likes to dress up and he likes to dress down. The reason why I'm bringing up the dressing part is because they've actually gotten into arguments because she feels he doesn't put effort to dressing up if they're going out to the function. He was denied admission into a club because he was dressed inappropriately and it was for her friend's birthday so she was torn whether to stay by herself or go home with him. So the only thing those two had in common, was really each other.
I know a lot of people will say Love is all you need to stay together, but I wonder how much truth that holds as they get older and start thinking about their future. I know he's mentioned about wanting a big family in the future, meanwhile, B's idea of an family is having a pet. I know they love each other, but is it enough?
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My now ex boyfriend and I were total opposites. We dated for six months up until a few days ago, we loved each other, we were crazy about each other. But we differed so much that everything went to shit. =/
If you truly love someone you'll make a conscience effort to change. But if its just a fling why change for someone you don't see yourself being with.
Love is enough. No matter what anyone says, it is. Some people just don't know how to love, the majority really. Because they can only think of their relationships as plans for the future, they treat it like a business.
Maybe some people are meant to live for love, and others were meant to live for themselves; having a partner only to become surely stable.
Love can be enough if the relationship is functional. i know that's vague but for example, if you are in an abusive relationship (physical, emotional, sexual, finiancial etc) love is not enough. That's not even love in my opinion if that is happening. I'd like to think you wouldn't fall in lov with someone that didn't give you anything.
As for the opposites. I think that they can attract if the opposites are small. Example: different taste in music, Opposite interests can allow couples to teach each other new things. Once the opposites turn into opposite values and beliefs then you may run into more troubles. I dated a guy that believed I shouldn't hangout with guys and that I should always be with him. I did not agree with him and that was our downfall.
It depends on if the opposites can compromise. I'm a cat person, my hubby is a dog person- we're having an indoor cat and outside dog. My husband hates art, loves business, I love art, hate business- I write my novels and he makes our money. He loves sports, I hate sports- we found we both like UFC, and we watch it together. He loves hunting, I hate it- I buy him hunting stuff to show I care, but I don't go hunting with him. He likes Illinois, I like Missouri- we're gonna live 15 minutes outside Missouri, in Illinois. He's a democrat, I'm a republican- we don't say who we voted for, and listen to eachother's rambling without arguing when election time comes. He's baptist, I'm assembly of God- we now go to nondenominational church.
There are ways to work it out and be happy
I read in my social psych class that "Birds of a Feather flock together" is more valid than "opposites attract." You're more likely be be in a successful relationship with someone who is like you. Makes sense.
I've read a similar entry about a month ago... All these topics keep repeating...
to me, opposites may attract, but sometimes that first attraction isn't enough. When you're so different from each other, sometimes eventually that will repel. but at the same time, being too alike, sometimes will be bad also. WHat's better is to be able to complement each other and fill what the others need. Love is not enough, contrary to what others believe. sometimes when you love someone, it doesn't mean things will work out. yes it's a great help, but you need other factors in there too in order for things to work out. IMO at least
The "opposites attract" thing is a complete myth. Truthfully, the most successful relationships are with people who share similar values. Of course, small opposites--musical tastes, etc-- serve to keep the relationship interesting; but on the big issues of family, money, etc., being similar bodes better for a long-lasting relationship than being opposites.
I think it depends what the differences are. My ex and I didn't have any real basic interests in common, but we wanted the same things in a person, relationship wise. So he liked sports, I don't. He liked country music, I HATE country music. He hated scary movies, I love scary movies. Our interests were way different, but we both wanted to have someone who was real and actually cared, and was mature and trustworthy. That's why we liked each other, and that's why we decided to be together. He ended up being none of those things, but at the time of us being together, that's what I thought he was like, and that's why we were together. I believed him. Stupid me...
I think as long as you both REALLY have what each other wants in a significant other, then it should work, no matter how different the basic interests are.
I believe opposites complement each other. Of course if there is absolutely nothing--no values, interests, etc. whatsoever that you share in common, I would question why they are even together to begin with for more than just a physical thing.
But in the sense that you say love is not enough, I somewhat agree. With true love, however, I believe naturally comes commitment and compromise on the part of both. Sometimes it may be a struggle, but if both are invested, it works--and creates something greater than if two practical "twins" were together. I know many polar opposite couples that have been together for many years, including my parents. Yes, this combination will clash and often, but it is beneficial in that each individual is stretched from one another--and they grow closer moving forwards together through all this. Totally unsocial introvert with an upbeat, outgoing extrovert? One helps the other learn to take some quiet down time on occasion, the other to go out and have some fun with others sometimes.
I think a life with someone too similar to you would be boring in the long term, honestly. Challenge is not always a bad thing--both can grow individually as a person and together as a couple..if they choose to. No matter the relationship, there will be struggles.
Opposites do attract and CAN stay together.
I've seen it happen. Type A likes to go, Type B likes to stay in, etc.
The thing that keeps a couple together is their commitment to the relationship and their expectations.
Some people like their significant other to be similar (it is scientifically proven that we like people who are more common in personality than those who are opposite), but this does not rule out relationships that have a couple who are not similar to one another.
Type B may like to stay in, but he likes a girl who wants to go out. This is why the relationship works. In the scenario you provided, not only does the boy not like going out, but he doesn't want his girl going out either.
So the relationship's stability relies on the commitment and the expectations the couple has for one another.
I think love is enough, I think opposites actually have a better standing chance in staying together than those who have so much in common. Reason being, opposites can learn a lot from each other. It makes the relationship more exciting, because there's hardly any monotony. Every day is a new and challenging day. Sure, there might be confrontations due to disagreements, but most of those tend to be very superficial and trivial in most cases. If both parties can get passed the fact that there will be trivial battles, there should be no reason Love cant stand the test of time. Ultimately it just comes down to the two who are involved in my opinion.
They HAVE to have SOMETHING in common to even be together. You can't be together with NOTHING AT ALL in common. Like me and MY Love are opposites (for the most part), he likes material things/I don't, he likes sports/I just look at the guys asses, he rarely gets excited/I get excited...but then we have things in common such as how we love family, we both aren't church folks, and we like same music.
It's true for people that are similar and opposites in relationships. We all need to work at it to keep the relationship.
I think that love is not enough because it's a feeling. Feelings come and go. They change based on our current mood. Commitment doesn't change. Opposites can make a marriage work if they love each other enough to allow one another to be different and to make that commitment to stay together even when they are driving each other crazy.
"opposites attract" only really applies to magnets.
I think it is important for 2 people in a relationship to have the same VALUES. It may work out if they have different INTERESTS, but your values are at the core of who you are.
i think it only works out in the movies.
haha who knows? sometimes it does and sometimes it doesnt
You raise a good question. I think it'd be nice to have someone who compliments your character. I don't think I should be with someone who is extremely insane with money the way I am otherwise we'll end up a broke couple. I can have a bit of a temper so I need someone who can stay calm and talk things out.
I don't know if I'd want someone who's exactly like me.
oh em gee! i've been wondering the same thing a lot lately.. my boyfriend and I are complete opposites. In pretty much every single way.. In a weird way, I like to think of him as my missing other half, though I'm not saying I depend on him.. We've only been together for two months though.. So I'm still seeing where this is going.
sounds like your friends are extreme opposites. that would be such a hassle trying to compromise. honestly i still don't know why opposites attract. i just feel like it's just arguments in the making.
instead of opposites, i believe in complements. works out way better. like a couple orders a pizza. he hates crusts, she loves crusts. he likes sleeping on the outside of the bed, she likes the inside. he doesn't like the broth of the soup, she does. etc.
opposites balance each other.
@ieatcrayons - Why change at all? Isn't a relationship about accepting each other for who you are?
As for your thoughts on whether opposites attract, I think they compliment some trait of each other. Sure they may be opposite in some ways, but there has to be something that just makes them work so I say let whatever works be. If it works, there has to be something that is making it worth whatever troubles do come their way.
love doesn't change and overcome everything. my boyfriend and i are opposites that are attracted :) but we have different lifestyles, different upbringings and different traditions. we've been together for 2 years and though i tell myself this is the guy i want to marry, the reality hits that it's going to be really hard. but for now, we're young and we're having fun so we'll see when time rolls around.
@MsKittyCatty@xanga - thats really cute hehe