Saturday, 24 October 2009
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God Gave Me a Broken Gaydar!
So I haven't told anyone that I'm...bisexual. It's really frustrating when I end up being attracted to other girls, especially when they're straight. Recently, I've met a girl. The moment she walked into the room, I couldn't stop staring at her. She was absolutely gorgeous and she had that smile that would brighten up even your worst day. Just picturing it now makes me smile. Anyways, we started talking and she was really sweet. I didn't feel uncomfortable talking to her, except for the butterflies in my stomach. We talked a lot afterwards, but it might be just as friends. I don't know how to tell if she's a lesbian because I think God gave me a broken gaydar!
What do you think? Should I try and ignore the feelings I have for her? Or take a chance and approach her?
*Also, if there's any lesbians or bisexuals that would help me try and understand everything, that would be great. I don't have any gay or lesbian friends so I have no one to talk to about this.
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About the Author
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- From: xmzchoix@xanga
- Name: Natalie
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2755 Comments: 0 198 View all posts by xmzchoix@xanga
Comments (198)
....If you are a deeply religious, you would believe would've given you a broken gaydar..on purpose.
But I'm not, soo...Don't ignore your feelings and just go for it..for all we know, we're gonna live once, and never again. There shouldn't be regrets if it goes wrong, and you shouldn't beat yourself up if it goes wrong.
Way better off with the "Oh wells" than the "What Ifs".
I would say just go on a whim and tell her. And if it doesn't work just be super cool buddies! =D
This is an easy one, my friend. If you don't know which way she swings, just ask a few questions about her dating history. Things as simple as, "So, are you dating right now?" Or mention your own in an off-hand sort of way. Like, "God, my ex won't stop texting me!" This usually will start a conversation about exes in general, and you can at least gauge what gender she's dated in the past. Just keep it casual and you'll probably get your answer without creating a potentially awkward situation.
(And, for the record, I'm a lesbian and have been out for 5+ years, so I know what you're going through here.)
She's definitely a lesbian. Girls never talk to other girls unless they are lesbians.
[P.S] Read my story. It has lesbians in it.
The best way to find out is to simply ask. But if you don't want to come right out with "so...do you date women?" you could ask her about dating in the past....or ask her who her 'type' is....
Of course....there are all the lesbian stereotypes....so if she wears Tevas, loves Tegan & Sara....wears a thumb ring & played softball in high school and college....clearly you should just go for it
I say GO FOR IT! As others have said, you could try asking a few questions first. I mean, you definitely want to know which side of the fence she is on, or if in the middle, before making any moves and possibly offending her. If your feelings are that strong, though, no way should you let the opportunity pass you by until you know for sure that she doesn't swing that way.
I wish you all the luck in the world!
There's really no sure fire way to figure out if a girl is a lesbian. Unless they're just completely obvious like apparently I am. o.o I would just ask her. It's really the only sure fire way to tell. Like the person above me said just ask if she's dated girls. If she spazzes it's better you ask her now then later when your more attached to her.
You'll never know if you don't take the chance. I've been there, I think all of us have been there. I mean come on I'm sure straight people have had a crush on somebody then found out they're gay, happens all the time. So I say go for it! :D Good luck hun.
I'm most definatly straight... but I think its alot harder to tell lesbians from straight girls than it is to tell gay men from straight.... So maybe it isn't your "gaydar" It could just be the girl. You might be better off just to ask.. And if you dont wanna be like "are you gay?" Just ask about her love life in general and that should tell you what you need to know. Hope I could help! (:
@Forever_Unlimited@xanga - hahahahahahahahah
Yeah, I'm so afraid to talk to girls because of this. I just assume they are straight, and of course that never helps me. Usually I just ask someone else if they know if the girl is bi/lesbian, ha. I'm pathetic.
Lesbians have that problem. I can only tell if MEN are gay, but for women, nope. Not a clue. I usually like the straight ones and freaked out by other lesbos.
Join the club.
- Kunoichi
Ugh, that's happened to me.
You might as well try to find out, I think, if you really like her.
It's so hard to know about girls, unless they're really sterotypical, and not everyone is. I don't think I am. But like most, or everyone, said, go for it! No regrets. Be discreet if you want, but you should find out.
I didn't know we were supposed to love Tegan & Sara, haha. But I dooo.
Unless you see her trying to date other females, clearly she isn't gay.
Im Bisexual as well (tho i tend to date girls more), Best thing i can suggest is try and slip in that youre Bi and see how she reacts. I had the same problem with my now ex (she moved to far away) but i slipped in that i was bi in a convo about i think it was like out summer plans and how i wanted to go to the pride parade or something, and she told me she had been really wanting to go to, and that she was a lesbian and right away we got together, and we still laugh about being so nervous to this day.
Good luck, and feel free to add me on here :)
xXAlexisXx
@Forever_Unlimited@xanga - Just because girls talk to other girls, DOES not mean they are lesbians.... gross.
I am completely against it, again just stating my opinion.
It's your life not mine, I'm not judging.
@MichMassGurl88@xanga - the forever person was just kidding! chill out (:
I think you should just ask her if she's straight, beware that she may be totally creeped and not talk to you again. But maybe not. My best friend told me she was bi and I didnt care. If she's any kind of decent it wont matter to her who you love. At least, thats my opinion.
The only way that I can think of to help out your gaydar is to come out. Then people wont have to ask you. they'll just know. Think about how many girls mightv'e been having this exact same convo with themselves about you!
I can't really help you understand anything in a lesbian or bisexual sense, but I'm straight and I'm not sure if certain guys I've crushed on are gay or not. Like, even if it seems like they act stereotypically gay, I would feel really judgemental just straight up asking them. What if they're straight, but that's just their personality, and they get really offended? So I can understand how you feel to some degree.
@TheKiwiIntoxication@xanga - LOL I know right? She totally missed the joke.
My retarded sense of humor is always getting me in trouble on here.
Um...ask?
It's so weird that people are saying it's much easier to tell with men. Unless they're wearing pumps and sashaying down the street, I can't tell, and I'm one of them. NOT ALL GAY MEN ARE FEMININE. Just sayin'.
Asking about her history is an option, but maybe she hasn't dated girls yet, because she hasn't really come out of the closet yet? Just because she hasn't dated girls yet, doesn't mean she won't.
But yeah, I have gay friends and their first crush was of course straight... Took them a long time to get over it, so I know how hard it is to fall in love with a straight person. So make sure you know for sure before you really really start liking her.
Plus, I don't agree that it's easier to tell whether guys are gay or not. Lesbians are easy to spot aswell. I'm straight, but if you get to know a few gay people, you will automatically develop a gaydar.
Oh and the Tegan and Sara thing is so true now I think of it... Same goes for the thumb ring
It happened to me too, I didn't say it to her though. But if you really like her I think you should. Make a conversation about lesbian/bisexual celebrities, see how she reacts, then tell her that you had a crush on a girl before. That's what I would do.. Good luck. x