Friday, 23 October 2009
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Am I Too Hard to Satisfy?
They say it takes two to tango. I say, true. But how do you dance that tango when one refuses to move his feet while the other feels like dancing? And when one party is just irritably resolute despite the constant complaint of the other party of his petulant attitude, who then is to blame? And if in a dance, one hears the boogie and the other salsa, what becomes of the dance? What happens when one partner hears the beautiful waltz and the other is tone deaf?Sometimes I wonder whether I’m just a self-absorbed bitch, constantly whining about my needs. Whether I’m just a woman who does nothing but complain about these needs not being met by one of the most important person in my life. Whether I’m too full of myself, forever griping about what I want, what I’m due and what I’m not getting. Whether I’m too confrontational. Or too egotistical. Or perhaps too aggressive. Am I really that cocky that I tend to emasculate without meaning to? Is my personality just that strong that I tend to overshadow, thereby causing other people to be insecure? Is it my fault that I am this woman of strength?
Do I talk too much? Grumble too much? Need too much? Am I too discontented? Am I too hard to satisfy? Is my benchmark too high? Do I expect too much out of people and of things? Am I difficult? Peevish? Anal? Am I really a control-freak as I am accused to be? Am I really as stubborn as they say I am? Trivial perhaps? Complicated maybe? Are my demands too much to reach? Is it so really arduous to understand the kind of woman that I am?
At the risk of sounding like I am one troubled woman, I admit that most of the time I really am all those. But there are times when people chronically blame me for the things that I am and they aren’t, it gets on my nerves. Exasperating if I may say.
I hate that I ask myself these questions. I hate that other people’s weakness is magnified because of my strength. That they think I’m too loud because of their silence. That they say I am trivial because the others are apathetic. That their ennui becomes a driving force for my vigor. That I am blamed for being too rash because of their dawdling. That they say I overplay things just because they are lethargic. That they point a finger at my theatrics because they are stoic. That I am passionate while they are frigid. That I am fiery because they are cold. That I am limited and bounded because of their fear of what’s out there. That they expect that I have this infinite amount of strength when in fact I am all human capable of exhaustion. That I am forever their tower block, when in fact I need one for myself, too.
And I ask this one question : Is it really just me??
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About the Author
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- From: tinicastillo@xanga
- Name: Christine Mae
- About Me: an indefatigable wife, an ardent and doting mother, a slave for my dayjob, a frustrated writer, a hard-headed daughter, an incorrigible sister, a hopeless romantic, a henchman to my closest friends, a sucker for wit and humor, a music aficionado...
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Comments (15)
No, not really just you. There's a lot of people out there like that.
All I can say is, in a relationship? It's a give and take. You probably already know that.
My best guess is? It may just be how you're conveying what you desire, not the fact you're doing it.
When dealing with people, I have so far found that the tone and then which words are used to convey something are what people pick up on -- not even on the idea.
Hope this helps. Just one voice.
Insisting that you are treated with respect and not taken advantage of is one thing. But keep in mind the world doesn't revolve around you. Other people have their own needs and desires, and you aren't entitled to have everything you want at the expense of those around you. If everyone took what they wanted from everyone else with no concern for anyone but themselves, we wouldn't last long.
I'm not saying you do that, you just asked a bunch of questions. But just a thought. A lot of the girls I have met that insist they are "strong" and "stand up for themselves" really just act very egocentrically and have little or no regard for anyone but themselves. Nasty for no reason, too.
Again, not saying that's you. And not saying there arne't exceptions. Just based on my very limited experience.
if you're compromising then its not you i spose
no. i'm the same way.
i just try to see the power that they could be holding back. and the ones who are quiet that you can still respect, they're really special.
coming from a guy, you're not in the wrong and you're not the only one who thinks this way. you guys are just not compatible unfortunately.
Compatible couples shouldn't feel like everything is a compromise. If your relationship is exhausting you emotionally it's likely your personalities conflict. It's supposed to be satisfying, not a constant struggle.
You are a very demanding person. You're conscious of your wants and needs. You're sufficiently ambitious to take the initiative to pursue what you want, which is why you're used to getting what you want.
You're problem is finding someone who is your equal. Not equal in the sense that all people are equal. Equal in the sense that they share your drive and appreciate your tenacity for what it is. Do you know what synergy is? Synergy is the interaction in a system whereby the parts work together to produce a combined effect that is greater than the effect of the individual parts alone.
A relationship should be a synergy that changes both parties for the better. Don't settle for a relationship that is a burden to you, or that requires you to compromise the better qualities of yourself that you most appreciate.
This seems to be quite a problem. Lord knows i'm mentally fucked in many ways and i usually think along these same guide lines. Although this is sort of open ended... Relationship wise i see major problems. Most people run from people who excessively display their strengths. They come off as bitchy, know it all. They use competitive tones when they speak and are chronic fault finders. Most suffer from a bi-polar disorder of some sort and expect others to constantly know what they desire, and to carry out the actions without out being asked. If this person was to pair up with a person of the same nature the result would be similar to an episode of Cops where the husband and wife attempted to rip each others heads off. If this pacticaular type of person pairs with someone too neutral, easy going, they become frustrated with the lack of conflict, start fights over possibilites even. Maybe you should look inside of yourself? I'm not trying to offend anyone, just laying out what i see from whats been written.
Umm... I don't know LOL. Seriously... we don't know you.
It seems to me that there is a ton of "I hate" or "I want" or "I feel" in this post. That is a decent enough answer. The rest you need to figure out, and find a way to change for others.
everyone has these moments from time to time. this month was the hardest yet for my SO and i, because we constantly fought everyday. there was just something that bothered me, something that didn't satisfy me, or maybe i was just pms-ing - who knows. but its definitely not just you. my SO recently told me that he thought i was cocky at times, and yeah, i definitely could be because i don't want people stepping all over me and thinking im less than what i am. all those questions you've asked, i've asked myself. you should ask your SO and talk things out - get his perspective on things. i know my SO doesn't complain when i talk to him about things that bother me, and whine about things. but that doesn't mean he won't mind if i did it 24/7 :P just talk it out.
I'm with @Forever_Unlimited@xanga but I would like to add some finer detail. I think you should let yourself compromise a little with your SO. You're ambitious, he's lethargic. Maybe the best thing to be is in between those two extremes and as a couple you are that middle ground which reaps the most rewards. The same applies to just about everything else you wrote as well.
Maybe the differences don't form synergy but chaos instead. Do you feel like your differences are holding both of you back or are they making both of you better?
yeah, definitely don't know how extreme you really are. hahah.
i'm the same way. i'm so hard on myself, it's even difficult for me to satisfy myself. if i can't satisfy myself, some one else won't be able to.
I also wonder if I ask for too much or if I'm really not getting what I deserve, haha.
I think if you reread your post, you`d be able to answer your own question.
Ambition is good, and you shouldn`t hold back from achieving what you want. But take a minute to sit back and relax and have some fun... And don`t glorify yourself so much, to the point where you seem like the only capable person in the world.