Friday, 23 October 2009

• Freak Flag Friday: Blockbuster Edition

  
  

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  I was briefly employed at Blockbuster (video) during my senior year of high school. While working there, I met a lot of people. Most of which I wanted nothing to do with. A word to the wise: small talk is better left for those who don't have 8 to 12 hour shifts. Unfortunately, no one told "Rockwood" this. My encounter with this man crossed boundaries that were emotionally and mentally uncomfortable. It started off innocently enough, he need information on his account. I asked his last name, and he wanted me to guess. Not only was that not my job, but if my abilities veered in a psychic directions I wouldn't have asked in the first place. This exchange went on entirely too long before Rockwood grew exasperated by my refusal to play guessing games with him. He tossed an ice cream bar over the counter with a flip, "Have a drumstick on me." I said the same thing when he wanted me to guess his name, "I would rather not."
  
  A few weeks later Rockwood came back, this time looking for a job. According to his calculations, he would either be working at Blockbuster or flying planes for the Army Special Forces Unit in the upcoming months. No surprise there, a lot of 32 year old men struggle with this very decision. But our relationship would never be fully realized, not because he's playing G.I Joe somewhere but because of the insurmountable gap in our ages. He was appalled when I told him I was 17, and I, in turn, was appalled when he started singing "Too Young" by Pretty Ricky. I also could never truly commit to a man named Rockwood.
  
  It took him almost two hours to fill out the application. Not because it's an especially difficult form, but because he was, to use the word loosely, entertaining me. Most entertaining of all were his descriptions of a recent trip to Brazil: "I was in Brazil. Man, I was jaw dropping the whole time I was there... You? You're average. Brazilian women are seriously hot, you know what I'm saying? " I wasn't the right audience for this conversation, but I suppose it can be difficult to find people to talk to when you're a clown disguised in leather and steel tipped boots.
  
  If he had stopped there I wouldn't be writing this today, but he continued: "They have this saying in Brazil. 'You're beautiful, congratulations!' I'm going to say it to you right now." And then he did. He also told me I could be in his movie, if I wanted. He would be having an open casting call over myspace, but between the two of us, I was a shoo-in.  Obviously I declined as I am far too average to even dream of being in a Rockwood production, though I can't deny myspace open casting call reeks of serious celebrity. I just hope I didn't miss my big break.
  
  Then he laid out all his cards: " I'm going to put this on the table, I find you attractive. Those glasses are doing it for me."
  
  I quit a few weeks later.
  
  Have you ever dealt with someone like this? How did you handle it?
  

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