On "sexism."
I don't think it's an appropriate term. That implies that women belong in the kitchen and men are the sole breadwinners. Women have to shut up and all dragons are slain by men etc etc.
A while ago, I was pretty close to this one friend of mine. Offhandedly, one day she mentioned that she wouldn't mind just jumping into her role of being a housewife. Huh? She's a smart girl. She studies well, is physically active, and even runs her own business. She has all the tools to be financially independent, or just independent in general. Go be her own 'man.'... Except she's not wired that way. Her purpose in life was to live for another.
So, back to the one liner, she said she's ready to hurry up and be a housewife. I was shocked at how "conservative" this line of thinking was. Part of me felt like wow, what a lucky guy (if he's into a wife like that.) Another part went "wtf, is that all you aspire to become?" Not that a housewife isn't a noble profession! Finally, I concluded that there must be a million feminists out there who are angry with you, my friend.
But what I think doesn't matter right? As long as you're happy. Hell, if you've always wanted to live for your SO, my only concern isn't that you might be exploited or anything, it's just I sure as heck hope you find the right one.
I felt a wave of intense relief: there were still people out there who don't mind adhering to gender roles. I admit I wanted a girl like her, someone who didn't mind taking care of a train wreck like me. One of my worst fears in life is to not be able to provide anything for the girl I love... but if there are girls like her that have this kind of maternal patience, then I'll probably be ok with whatever I do to prove myself to her. If she loves me for who I am, I'm less of a problem lol.
Society today is a little hostile towards men that follow these "older fashioned" ideals. Not just "a little" haha, but very hostile. It's easy to jump on the bandwagon and point fingers at men, and condemn everyone as sexist.
"That girl is hot." <-- oh, she's a sex object now, huh? you sexist!
"That girl is cute." <-- oh, your definition of cute is associated with something "feminine" isn't it? you sexist!
"That is a girl." <-- oh, your definition of 'girl' is socially constructed, and not genetically, eh? you sexist!
Yeah. Sue me. I don't WANT every girl out there to grow up to be some docile beast of burden for their men. (Of course I exaggerated that to properly play devil's advocate for today's feminists.) But I DO want every girl out there who WANTS to be a housewife for the man she loves, to successfully become a great housewife when she gets there.
Is work really
work when you love the guy/girl? <-- another concept I hit recently
Hell, I'd gladly don that apron, wake up at 6am to make breakfast or whatever it is for you if I love you. It's a freaking reward for me. All it takes is a word of thanks and a genuine smile, and I'm good to do it for the rest of my life.
Is anyone really less happy because another girl becomes housewife? Maybe the feminists are just irked that they can't enjoy traditional "roles." Well, more power to them. You'll never enjoy something when it feels as though it's being forced.
I won't deny it. Sexism IS present. In every society, there will always be a difference between how boys and girls are raised. And because of this, gender roles are born. We've always been used to it, but more recently, there have been efforts to erase this boundary.
That's splendid. Just please don't trample on anyone's life goals, ok? Leave the guy who wants a housewife, and the girl who wants a nice husband alone... because all it takes for everyone to be happy, is for all parties to find their perfect matches.
If you're a guy who just wants a housewife, please don't try to train your girl to be one. Instead go find that rare breed of girl, who is genuinely happy to help you... and I pray that you actually love her for who she is, instead of what role she's playing for you.
What are your feelings on gender roles and sexism in society?
True
Comments (100)
If a girl wants to be a housewife then no one should have a problem with that. If her man is trying to break her dreams to get her to be a housewife then there is a problem!
It's her choice if she wants to be a housewife. If a man wants to be a househusband while his wife works then he can do that too.
It is up to the couple, if they can afford for someone to stay home then so be it.
We should treat everyone as an individual, but there will be things that most women have in common as well as things most men have in common. It's just how it goes.
Well, that's what feminism is for! :) So that women can choose what they want to be instead of being told who they should be.
Don't forget that sexism hurts men too. Men aren't allowed to be anything less than stereotypically masculine and as a feminist (womanist to be exact), I believe that men should also have the choice to be who they want to be. If a man wants to be a househusband, well good for him because that's his choice. If a woman wants to be a housewife, good for her too. So long as she doesn't believe her decision for her own life should be forced on other women, it's all good.
Gender roles suck. Let people be who they want to be.
remember, the feminist movement was/is for equal rights/treatment in the work place (more or less) and not really about gender roles so much.
i agree with "xjaders", it really is up to the couple as long as neither one is "forced" into a role. some of our social problems today is that the core family is disrupted due to both parents working and really no home life. if one parent can stay at home, maybe, just maybe some core values could be restored.
I am the happiest housewife in the world!! I love taking care of my home, my husband and my son. (Oh...and our dog too.)
Being a wife and making my husband happy is my BIGGEST joy in life. I
LOVE spending the whole day cleaning/running errands/doing little projects and cooking just to see his smile
when he comes in from work and I'm ready to hand him a drink. (I can make some amazing sweet tea! haha!)
I was accepted to Harvard after high school. I was valedictorian (of my very small private school so it doesn't count really.) I opted for a different school than Harvard though. I have a degree in History Education with a minor in Religious Studies. The ONLY reason I went to college was because I wasn't getting married. Let's talk about offending people! While I was in college I can not count the number of women and professors who told me I was going to waste my life being "just a wife" or "just a mother". I was baffled by that. I thought the whole purpose of feminism was for women to have the freedom to do what they want to do --- from housewife to auto mechanic to CEO of a major company. Wasn't it about getting respect for your dreams and having the support to follow them? I was told so many times I was "too smart" for sitting at home and cleaning, I was wasting my potential, I was ruining what so many women had worked so hard to escape! Wow....where is the support and encouragement from my "sisters"?
I don't know what the answer is. It's great that women have the opportunities they have now, especially compared to sixty years ago. But all I want is the opportunity I have right now --- to love, pamper and cherish my husband, raise my children and take care of a home.If that's is offensive to someone, I apologize, but my life is complete and I would not be fulfilled in any other role other than a wife and a mother.
(PS -- sorry for any typos! I'm typing one handed because I'm holding my son in the other arm!)
Agreed. Another funny thing I had recently discussed today as well is that women who are not housewives, still for the most part fulfill many roles of the household. For example, let's say both spouses have full time jobs, the wife still has to manage to cook and clean. Not saying this is the case for everyone but for most. I guess the role of the family is still pretty unbalanced for a woman. And taking care of the baby? People always expect that from the woman but honestly, the man CAN do the job too.
I agree with slavatruca_stalking_havok13 too. Men have to hold themselves and express masculinity. If they show any traits of being feminine, it's unacceptable. That, in society is a lot of times disregarded.
Adhering to gender roles is fine. Breaking gender roles is fine, too.
That is one stupid ad. It's degrading and silly.
I'm really impressed how you managed to make this post non-offensive in all aspects.
But yeah, I can't stand the thought of being a housewife.
women should be able to do anything they want to do, as long as it's not hurting anyone. which includes being a housewife.
i want to be a wife and mother when i get older. and i don't think any self proclaimed "feminist" has a right to tell me that i'm degrading women or choosing to do something that is not as important as doing a REAL job. (i think it's pretty sad that importance and "real jobs" are based on money, not difficulty of the task.)
on an episode of the tyra show about career women, tyra picked a woman from the audience and said "this woman does everything. she's a chef, a chaufeur(sp), an entertainer, a maid, etc." and had her audience members write down what they think she makes a year. they all wrote down ridiculous sums of money, but the woman herself held up a piece of paper with $0 written on it and said "i'm a stay-at-home mom." puts things in perspective a little better, yes?
on a sidenote however, i think there is a point where being a stay-at-home mom just becomes lazy. when your kids are in their pre-teen years and can cook, clean, and take care of themselves in general, and you're staying in bed until noon, what are you really doing? at least work from home. but that's just me.
I wouldn't mind being a housewife. Right now, my hubby is the sole bread-winner, anyway, because I'm in school. Over the summer, I just took care of the kids and the house. It got a little boring, and I was dying for school to start again, but I think it wouldn't have been so boring if my friends had had more time to hang out. I just felt like I never left the house except to go shopping.
Thank you for this. It was very well written and I really needed to read it.
All I've ever wanted to be was a housewife...it's just waiting for a man that wants a housewife that's been really hard lately.
I have friends who are housewives, but they chose to be one out of their own respective choice. I see no problem to being a housewife as long as you're happy, but I'm just the type of girl who doesn't like being cooped in a house doing chores all day. But more power to the women who choose to be a housewife because it is a tough job managing the house, bills, groceries, and kids!
If she wants to be one, let her! You hold your values while she hold hers. As for me, I do live mostly for another person, but I'm not going to only cater myself to them.
A recent study of Yale and other highly regarded University's stated somewhere around 60% of women who must be remarkably intelligent and with a bright future ahead of them expected themselves to at one point become a housewife and work either part time or not at all. This was rather shocking to me, as it seems the feminists are not necessarily united in their cause as a majority want to become a housewife. It seems like all of that education and career positioning is merely for show, perhaps to meet a highly respect man of equal social stature.
As a man, I'm perfectly fine with the role women want to take. I'd like my wife to be highly educated if she is raising my children, or any children for that matter. But I guess my opinion does not matter; this is what women want. Are you listening, Mel Gibson?
I may be graduating highest in my class this year, but all I want is to be a housewife and serve the ones I love and work in the ministry for Christ at the same time! :) Either that or a missionary. And aint nobody stoppin' me now. ;)
People who think that women can't be what they want to be - including housewives, if they choose - are being sexist. It's their choice and if they are truly happy (and not being used by their SO), then there is no reason to try and convince them that's not what they want in life.
i've only ever wanted to be a housewife :/
but thanks to society's pressure to better myself as a person, i'm currently pursuing a college degree and am planning on attending gradaute school when i'm finished. i'm lucky enough to have the money to do have an education, but i honestly feel like sometimes i'm wasting my time.
nothing would make me happier than cooking, cleaning, and being with my children all day long.@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga makes a good point about what housewives do after their kids have "grown up" and i guess that's partly what i'm getting eduacted for :P I don't want to have unlimited time on my hands and waste it. so once my kids are out of the house and in school, i fully plan on starting a full time job. so yeah :)
I do want to have a career someday, before I have kids and after they're old enough to stay home on their own (I don't want to use daycare ever if I can help it), but there's a large part of me that only wants to be a mommy and a wife. To just stay at home and care for my babies and keep the house looking nice and try to make my husband dinner but fail and end up eating ramen or mac & cheese instead. :)
But because women today are expected to go have a career, it makes me feel really guilty, thinking that. Women SHOULD be educated, and maybe they won't end up married so certainly I think everyone should either go to college or start a business or become apprenticed, but if once they are married they want to be a housewife I think it should be considered just fine!
I also feel guilty because I think it would be unfair to have my husband provide everything for me. Just going out and working hard all day, making money to feed himself, me, and our kids, and even though mommies have a very important job taking care of the children (and potentially cleaning up too), it's a different kind of job and I don't know how a guy would feel about that.
But my boyfriend seems to like caring/providing for me, and so if we do get married, at least that lessens the guilt factor.
Women (anyone really) should be able to do whatever they want to do. It shouldn't be a problem.
@Starlite - How is it degrading?
i have no prblem with that...theres a difference when she's told to become a house wife. Honestly my maternal role plays a lot in me wanting to also become a housewife...theres nothing wrong with that if you like to give yourself to the people you love.
the point is being able to choose. personally, i think "conservative" people (particularly women) hold back those who want to break gender roles because they re-enforce society's gender expectations. i don't like their decision, but i support their right to make that decision.
if i had to choose between a badass career and having kids, i would pick the career because i need to feel intellectually fulfilled.
I've never wanted to be a housewife. I would love to meet a girl who I could take care of, but I find women who plan to go into careers just as wonderful. I think people should have a right to be whatever they want to be. While I still see a lot of sexism today I've actually found it seems to lean more towards men. At least where I live a couple of guys in my neighborhood are house husbands and being the nice semi suburb neighborhood it is the other neighbors poke fun at them. I've even heard them try to say it makes them less of men for staying home and taking care of their kids. >.>; Not saying that sexism towards women are completely diminished just that I don't notice it quite as much as I do the sexism towards men. That may also be due to where I live.
There are some inequities I can handle. From the time I was probably 5 or 6 I've wanted to be the housewife. As I've grown and matured the only thing I've changed is that I want to be the cool soccer mom too. I don't like the way some people choose to chastise those of us that want this lifestyle.
It's just what I'm happiest doing.
It's too bad that the current economy and job crisis makes it so hard for traditional roles to be able to be upheld.
i love being a housewife, i don't find it degrading at all. I wasn't forced into it per se I got sick, and its really the only thing I can do. I enjoy cooking for my husband and the biggest joy in my life is seeing my husband happy at the end of the day when he comes home from work because everything is done and all hes gotta do is relax.