Thursday, 22 October 2009
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He's Into You, He's Just Not Into Telling You
Everyone that watches “He’s Just Not That Into You” automatically assumes that if someone doesn’t ask you out, they’re not into you. Well, sure, but people aren’t as one dimensional as that. What about the people that don’t have the confidence to fearlessly charge into battle?
I’m talking about shy people. The shy person is the one that’s sitting in the corner somewhere. They’re the ones with a few close friends and maybe even fewer relationships. You might not even know their name. If they see someone that captivates their interest, they are not going to fearlessly strode across the room and talk to them. If they did, they might babble like an idiot.
People get intimidated. It’s not just in a relationship this happens. Often, the more a goal means to you, the more fearful you are about achieving it. Sometimes people avoid it altogether for fear of risking getting themselves hurt. Rejection is going to hurt more when something really means a lot to you. This is why not everyone can garner enough confidence and charisma to generate a conversation out of thin air. For some people, it takes time.
People are insecure. Why should she go out with me when the typical type she dates is the opposite of me? Why would he like me if he’s checking out girls like her? Hell, I wouldn’t date me. These insecurities are normally magnified when someone has something they want to do. You might be the most confident person in the world, but somehow all of these insecurities come drifting at the prospects of beginning a relationship.
People have crises and scars they’re trying to recover from. What if they’re fresh out of a long term relationship that ended? It’s not going to be something that they’re over with in a few days. This is going to have some baggage. They might need a few days rebounding from the relationship and trying to figure out their priorities in life. If this is the case, the person isn’t always going to want to hop into a new relationship. It really means wait a while. That doesn’t mean you can’t date others meanwhile.
Being shy isn’t an excuse for avoiding communicating someone what they mean to you while dating. A person might take hesitation for rejection. Being in a relationship means you have to be comfortable with being vulnerable. That’s how intimacy shapes itself.
The above are just examples of what might be occurring at the beginning stages of a relationship.
Do you agree that we shouldn't all believe that he's just not into us?
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About the Author
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- From: Inchored@xanga
- Name: Inchored
- About Me: I pretty much like doing what any other kid my age likes doing and that is everything we're not supposed to be doing. I'm also in love with Einstein's hair. You should run now.
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Comments (54)
I know this really shy guy. He is amazing and I do like him, and I would love to believe maybe he is into me, but he is scared. I can make soo many excuses for him and I do. In some cases, I do think think that some guys are just too afraid of getting hurt.
yeah i agree with that.
because to me personally, when people tell me that someone is into me, i tend to think that they like me only as a friend, and never more.
and vice versa.
if they really like me more than a friend, i'd rather them tell it to me straight.
im a strange girl :)
Indeed. A lot of times you gotta look out for those indirect signs and body language to figure out a guy's true feelings.
that's me..the shy guy who will really like someone and they may never know. rejection is a hard pill to swallow. guess i feel it is better to suffer quietly then openly. lol
good post.
I really liked your description of the "shy person".
I also like how they say, "You've got nothing to lose" when talking about the approach when in fact you DO have something to lose -- unless it's someone you don't have to connect with on a daily basis or someone not in the vicinity of your social circle..
I think you should always expect the worst.
I am that shy person =)
Yeah, I'd agree with that.
I used to be that shy person. Its horrible. I dont know how i ever talked to girls I didnt know, u know just randomly go up to them.
There was one girl. It took me 3 or more weeks to get the courage to talk to her. She was stunning. And when I finally did I mumbled, I forgot what I was gonna say, all those common things haha. She was a sweet girl but I never asked her out (i still regret that)
nice post
My now boyfriend got me to tell him I liked him before he told me. He was a bit shy too.
"you have to be comfortable with being vulnerable." That part is going to stay with me for a long time! :)
argh...I know you are right, but I have been beating my self over the head with the "HJNTIY" dvd box for a couple months now trying to use that nice simple idea to convince my heart that NOTHING is going to happen...but my heart keeps whispering things like your post...that it's not always that simple..
I wish it were that simple (not really, but today, with my heart all confused, I wish it.
My guy is not shy, but there are other things, big scary nasty ugly things that can also get in the way, illness and addiction and baggage from previous relationships, and finances and real responsibilities like kids that take priority over new loves...
Sometimes a person can be REALLY into you, but like star crossed lovers...even two smart adults can't figure out how to make it happen
I understand the shy guys completely.
(I'm married so my opinion is really more based on what I like about my husband...lol.)
This is just me but if a guy likes me and does not have the courage to man-up and ask me out, I don't want to date him. I want to date a guy who has the confidence to go after what he wants, I want a secure man.
Nothing against guys who are insecure or shy...I just couldn't handle it.
Yes, there is alot of reasons to not get the courage to approach someone, not just shy, or maybe not feeling comfortable with other factors in life. (for example, family problem, academic pressure, or just not committed to get into relationship)
the worst thing is that when you are finally ready to approach someone that you like, he/she is no longer having interest at you and thought you were not interested at them at the first place.
I'm shy. Too shy to tell a guy I like them!
I love being the quiet guy. No one really knows who you are and you get away with so much shit.
this is a really good post that makes a ton of good points... the only thing i disagree with is where it says something about, you want somebody but they're coming out of a long term relationship so you should give them space, but it's okay to date other people meanwhile. i don't feel like you should do that just for the sake of the 'filler' guy or girl. it isn't really going to be too great for them once they find out that they're just there to kill time.
Oh! that's so me! with my friends, I am outgoing and witty but with the girl I like I become awkward, quiet, and never know what to say. It's because I am so into her that I act like this.
I always used to be shy up until my senior yr and then i just thought this way they're probably just as nervous around me as i am then. So now i don't even notice it no matter who it is a gorgeous girl or just a random guy
@TheFloater@xanga - The bad part is you can because no one notices you... Don't take that the wrong way
This post has a lot of good points. It's nice when a guy actually makes an effort to win you over, but it's true that not all guys will outright do that (in the way that you want or in a way that might be obvious). There's a lot of other things to take into consideration.
YES. I agree completely. Ever since that movie, my girlfriends have been telling themselves that if HE's not making a move, then he must not like you at all. I'm always the one that says it should be 50/50 (well maybe, 75/25), but you should also make an effort before giving up completely because how else will you know and really, what have you got to lose?
i totally agree with you because like you said, may be he's just shy. and some people have a different way of showing their affections towards others. it's not always written on their forehead.