Thursday, 22 October 2009
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How To Make Him Cheat
Steps to take to ensure that your man cheats on you:
1. Talk talk talk and never listen.
Women are famous for wanting more conversation from their men, the problem is they're so used to talking they don't know how to listen. When a man speaks it may be a rare event, so make the assumption it's not as important as anything you have to say and don't pay attention at all. It's a great opportunity to show your man that it's all about you.2. Expect daily compliments but never give any.
This technique is fantastic, all you have to do is sit back and pout. If you pout your man will likely think you're mad at something and try to prop up your fragile emotional state with compliments, smiles, and well wishes. Make sure you never ever return the favor though, that way he knows how little you care about his emotional state.
3. Never initiate, always wait.
There's nothing men like more than a woman that takes initiative and starts the physicality of a relationship. With this in mind, it's important to never initiate anything. Always wait for the man to start to kiss, start to hug, or join you in the shower. That way, you can make him feel even lower when you reject his advances and never initiate your own.
4. Sex; it's a myth, something like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy
If you want to ensure that your man cheats, deny him sex. It works well. Think of a man as a camel, sex is water, and you're the desert. It's your job to try to kill that camel as best as you can by starving him of any water possible. It especially works well if you present the appearance of water without actually dispensing it, like a mirage. In other words, look good, dress sexy, and give him the hope of actually having sex with you, then deny him any. Not only will it crush his ego, but there's no better way of showing you don't care than crushing a man's hopes as well. Another job well done!
5. Excuses lots of them, the dumber the better;
You can't because you're tired. You can't because you have a headache. You can't because you think you may come down with a cold. You can't because your thirsty. You can't because your stomach is growling. You can't because there's something on your mind. You can't because it's your time of the month (works best if that was a week ago). You can't because it's too hot. You can't because it's too cold. You can't because the bed sounds funny. You can't because your stressed out. You can't because you think you may have a rash on your shoulder. You can't because your eye is twitching. You can't because you work tomorrow. You can't because.....etc. Keep up the excuses...one per day for a few years or so and your man will get the impression that: a) you find him totally and utterly repulsive b) you're into chicks or c) you have the libido of a 70 yr old post menopausal catholic nun.
Be warned though, this is technique is only for those that are really truly interested in getting their man to cheat, because in all honesty it's harder to come up with that many excuses rather than just giving in to natures call. Good luck...and happy relationship destroying!
P.S. For those of you that actually don't want their man to cheat....easy...just do the opposite of everything I wrote.
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About the Author
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- From: Titanic_Spaz@xanga
- About Me: I’m married, I’m Canadian, and I love satire, sarcasm and wit. If you’re here and you’re asking yourself “Who is this idiotic asshole!”, you likely just read one of my satirical blogs, took it way too literally, and now you should feel a little silly for doing so. I’m not a homophobe, nor am I a misogynistic, moron of a man. I’m intelligent, accepting of others, and thoroughly enjoy mocking those that aren’t.
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Comments (87)
LOL. Funny
HAHAHAHAH ! I LOVE THIS (8
*LOL* I wish I had these tips when I was trying to drive my ex away...would've been helpful.
I use the nearly opposite techniques with my husband and it tends to make a marriage work better in my opinion. However, I also think that there is really no excuse for cheating. If you are not happy with your love life and you can't fix it or live with it then it may be time to move on. My husband has not really been capable of sexual intercourse since his brain injury and I made a choice to stay in my marriage and also not cheat. I simply find other releases for my needs than cheating.
Lol, nice XD
You win! Hehe!
I give compliments to my boy but I don't usually get them back.
someone sounds a little bitter!
Sometimes even when you do all the right things they still cheat, sometimes its not you it really is him.
Haha nice. I like number 2 too. I was about to write something about the contradictions of women/girls in such things like always wanting compliments but never giving them back, or girls who tease/insult their guys but get upset when the guy does it back (when they're being playful, not hurtful on purpose).
maybe she has all those excuses as a hint that she doesn't enjoy sex with him because he is dull in bed.
.. sounds like my girlfriend
jk
lol good tips but the title of this post should be more along the lines of "how to drive him away" rather than "how to make him cheat." No matter - it was a funny read. :)
Wow! Funny and oh-so-true! But what I want to know is, why would anyone stay with an SO like that and cheat on them instead of just leaving them? If their behavior is driving you to cheat, why isn't it driving you to break up first?
lol xD
My ex did all of these and I didn't cheat. It was a blast...
I've never said no to sex! I don't get how women can use this as a tool...or actually look at it dreadfully!
@xjadersx@xanga - Aww.
Lol #1.
Hahaha!Thanks for the tips incase I ever need them XD
This would have been better if you wrote it the way you actually meant it.
The whole sarcasm thing was over done.
@Takemehomee@xanga - I second this.
wow, bored much?
Loool soo funny xD
as much as i think most of these are bad things for a woman to do (except denying him sex. if a woman doesn't want to have sex, she doesn't have to, she shouldn't have to appease just because her boyfriend does) lists like these make it easier for a man to blame his girlfriend for him cheating when in reality, it's his fault. he didn't have to cheat, he could just end the relationship.