Wednesday, 21 October 2009
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If Sex Was Curry...
I recently debated with a friend of mine about the "double standard" in dating and I think that this friend made an interesting point. I supposed that its a double standard when a girl is intimate with multiple guys and her sexually is attacked, but when a guy performs the same thing he is labeled 'the man' and his sexual conquest are revered by others. This is when my friend countered my argument with not only is this scenario not unjust, but the double standard does not exist...According to my friend, there is a reason why a girl's sexually can be attacked if she participates in promiscuity, but same cannot be upheld for a male. Apparently, this is because sexual invitations come more easily and frequently for women than for men. My friend told me: "If sex was curry, then girls would be getting offered curry all the time, so they can pick and choose which days they want it. Guys, however, never get offered curry so they have to take it when offered. Imagine a guy knocking on 10 girls' door for sex. What are the odds that any of those girls are going to sleep with him. Very little! Now, imagine if you knocked on 10 guys' door for sex...chances are at least 7 out of those 10 guys are going to take you up on that offer!"
I would interpret that the underlying logic for my friend's position is that the double standard cannot exist because if a guy does actually manage to juggle women, given the disadvantageous position he is in as a male who wants sex, and furthermore, considering the skills it must have taken to overcome such a disadvantage, then he truly is and fairly does deserve to be celebrated. On the other hand, a girl is not in a disadvantageous position for sex, but if anything has the power to be discerning about who she wants. Therefore, if a girl is not executing the power she holds, then she is in a way being easy- ultimately opening the doors for criticism.
I find this entire debate very interesting and I think it shakes the very foundation of the 'double standard' as a coveted example of gender hypocrisy and misogyny in our culture. I am just wondering what other people might think...
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- From: SandersIsWondering
- Name: SandersIsWondering
- About Me: I'm just a young lady blindly navigating the unpredictable and winding roads of love. Inspired by iconic, hopeless romantic Carrie Bradshaw, I decided to document my own mishaps in the dating world. I got into my first relationship at 19 and it looks like I have a long way to go and a lot to learn. These are my stories so far...
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Comments (31)
You forget most girls are (or taught to be) submissive or appeasing. It's not so much that they invite this as they hope to be sweeped off their feet. Even when they're not swept away, chances are they would give men in general a chance to redeem themselves. Girls kiss and bed frogs hoping to find a prince when in reality they should behave like a princess to meet the prince.
it is harder for guys to get laid, so i suppose one who manages to accrue many partners is considered skilled in that respect. that's not a skill i look for, or even value, so i judge guys and girls the same way. i'm not impressed by anyone's ability to get some - curry, that is. ;)
lol wut
This "disadvantage" that your friend claims men have comes from the very double standard they claim doesn't exist. How about the idea of less women being willing to sleep with a man because women are still judged on the basis of sexual purity? Of course a man is less likely to get women to sleep with him than a woman can get men to sleep with her: men are allowed to have sex with as many women as they want, but women are supposed to be demure and "pure". Women don't have any discernible "power" because they're still being told what they should do with their bodies. Men don't have that restriction. They can do what they want as long as it's stereotypically masculine.
I believe a woman can sleep with whoever she wants, but there is a double standard that exists that dates back from that idiotic "cult of true womanhood" from the 19th century. People can deny it all they want, but double standards still exist and they're not going away if we ignore them.
That's an interesting perspective on the argument. But all I can think about is that gross pot belly in the foreground of that picture. o_o
when i read the title, i immediately thought about the tandoori curry analogy Cuddy used to describe her relationship with House.
Why anyone cares what anyone thinks about what they do is beyond me. Society right now is a joke, and its social rules shouldn't be taken seriously. That's why people are so incredibly unsatisfied in their lives, because they live it by some strange manual the world gives them and more often than not it offers no acknowledgment for that individual's true desires.
You perpetuate these things by buying into them.
thats just an extension of the double standard...
I love curry. Japanese and Indian curry. It's fucking delicious. mmmm I'm going to go get some now.
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - I agree with another one of your well-thought comment.
it is true, guys don't get offered sex as often as girls.
we hear guys giving the number more than girls giving their numbers and i mean the real number not some fake one they make up on the spot.
everytime my bf wants sex i could choose yes or no but when i want it and i offer my bf he has never said no, of course i don't do that often but when i do he would definitely take up on that and it would make his day!
A slut is slut, whether it has a penis or a pussy. It may be true guys don't get the invite often, but it doesn't mean they should accept it when the opportunity presents itself. Both genders need to have some respect (both for themselves and others).
When I was single I didn't go around sleeping with anything and everything that moved and I expected the same past behavior from potential boyfriends (which I lucked out on with my bf of 4 years and counting lol).
First of all, that is certainly not necessarily the case on college campuses... I've (unfortunately) been to many frat parties and women flock to engage in more than friendly conversations for sure... in face, the men at these parties have 4 or 5 women surrounding them, always more women to choose from and, as i hear from people I know in them, they can very easily get laid. I don't think that is a concrete enough truth about men in general to be used.
Furthermore, his logic doesn't make any sense. The argument is that if men and women sleep with the same numerical amount of partners, they have different labels. Assuming his premise that women are offered more often than men, that must mean that in the above instance, women are actually *turning down* sex with some people who offer (as they end up with the same amount of partners in the end somehow even though they have more partners to pick from) ergo, they being more selective or (as modern terminology may have it) less easy. If anything, his logic should dictate, assuming we are comparing EQUALLY PERMISSIVE males and females that men are more "easy" or at least "less selective"... and yet the female is typically labeled as "easy", "slut", "whore", etc.
of course, a double standard exists. but your friend does bring up some interesting points and oddly, makes some sense.
still , in the end, the double standard is still there. but i should also point out that girls perpetuate the double standard just as much as guys. girls think of other girls that are promiscuous as sluts just as easily as guys do. also, most girls want guys with sexual experience so that they know what they are doing. not to mention a guy that has been with a lot of girls, must have qualities that attracts girls. much like a guy gets more attractive to girls if he has a really hot girlfriend.
in the end. its pointless to complain about double standards. as it will never go away. the only way to to get rid of double standards is to get rid of people's bias...... and that's not gonna happen anytime soon.
hahahaha. I really agree with this friend of yours. Not that there aren't any guys out there that can't command the same sexual frenzy that we women can but still...
thats actually quite an interesting analogy, ahaha. yes, i assume you're right. in today's society, girls would be offered curry more often than guys!
thats an interesting view on it. i never thought about it like that
Wow I never thought of it like that... But I would also like to add that some guys just find it gross that a girl has to be penetrated, where as the guy is the one in "power" who is being penetrated. It is also, technically, a form of submission. It is much harder to rape a guy than it is to rape a girl. I guess in a way, a girls vagina is more sacred than a guys penis lol
Not that I am against promiscuity, as long at it is safe and TASTEFUL
Screw the double-standard, I call EVERYONE a "whore".
:D
- Kunoichi
@TheScaleDiaries@xanga - I agree with you all the way!
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - out of all the things you had to point out, that was the one... Gawd, that's nasty lol!~
As for the blog itself, it's totally true, and I think these double standards come from BOTH genders. Women can be the most critical of other women, maybe because they're secretly jealous, or because that's the way they were brought up and expect other women to be like them. If the school slut wasn't around, it most likely that girls were gossiping about her behind her back (sadly this did happen in my middle school). As for men, I think it could also be because of jealousy (since women can get laid easier than them) or because they want to be with someone different, special, or pure/close to pure as they can get.
Personally I hate it because I love sex and would like to admit it openly without coming across as a slut (which I'm not btw, only slept w/ 2 guys in my life). I guess I'll just have to hold it back until I'm 100% sure that the next guy I get involved with doesn't judge me. Life would be easier if I was a guy sometimes because I'm way too aggressive to play the stereotypical submissive girl role lol.
A bunch of bullshit.
Agree with your friend, but there's still a double standard.
It'll make sense if guys are the only ones asking for sex. But that's not true.
well i think that makes alot of sense but some guys are like girls & some girls are like guys...if that makes sense...i still think theres a double standard & its wrong but i do see ur point
@TheScaleDiaries@xanga - on the contrary, if a girl offers up sex and shes hot... uhm.. yes the guy SHOULD take it. how often does that opportunity come along? THATS the debate here. Women get dick(figuratively) thrown in their face every day all day from all different types of men... when they're trying AND when they arent in the slightest bit interested. Men on the other hand.. DONT.
With that knowledge alone, the double standard of "sluts vs studs" will be permanently glued onto the ether for all time. It will NEVER change until the thought process of a woman changes... which, it won't. So there you have it.
Frankly, I see it like @BimBo_HiPPo@xanga & @MissPixieGlitter@xanga see it. If those facts were fiction we wouldn't be having this conversation. But its true. So if you're a girl and you stroke suck and fuck every dude that comes at you... TADA! You're a total slut.. because its EASY, you just sit there and the notches on the proverbial bedpost/belt pile up. If you're a guy and you somehow magically have what it takes for women to THROW THEMSELVES AT YOU, then shit... you better go for it because you're in that 2 percentile and who knows when youll wake up one day and not have that skill anymore. Any woman, no matter WHAT they look like... can probably leave the house tomorrow morning and get laid before sun down. Thats how easy it is. Let a man leaevthe house with that same conquest in mind... without being allowed to pay for it; he might be out there for weeks if not months.
Don't get pissed off at the world for making up the rules. Shit, I didn't make them up. I look at male sluts JUST like I look at female sluts. Have some restraint... but I look at the male sluts a BIT different because they have to WHEEL AND DEAL to get sex, whereas the woman just has to show up and be willing.
....same thing goes with MEN sucking in bed and WOMEN sucking in bed. When a guy is HORRIBLE in bed its the worse thing in the world and your girl will clown you behind your back and inadvertently other women will learn of this and avoid you like the plague. If you're a GIRL and horrible in bed.. so what, you let me smash so you get a pass until I can find better. Millions of women are probably horrible lovers(and have no clue they are)... easily the SAME amount of them as there are men who have no clue what they're doing(but are more than likely aware)... but women always have positive reinforcement. Guys lying to them about how good they are... and continue to hook up with them... this goes the same for men. But with men its "well i faked all my orgasms!" then you know.. but a guy can't pull that on a girl and have her actually believe she was horrible when he orgasmed every single time. A man will continue to go to a girl even if the sex is bad just because its a sure thing... how many women do you know that will continue having bad sex with a guy over and over if they aren't romantically connected? Now THATS one double standard worth arguing about.