Wednesday, 21 October 2009

• I Don't Believe in "Dating"

  Dating. Consorting. Friends with Benefits. Call it what you want & do what you will, I'm not fit for any of those.

  
  

  Dating has never been my thing, and I've been told various times that I'm not dating material, and not just by guys, either, but by my friends as well. The catch with me is I've only been with 2 other guys before my fiancé. No, I don't have a history of being clingy [or abusive], but I am passionate. I've never been too complicated, but I am strict towards certain aspects (sex as top-of-the-list). And I've never been dumped, but I have always come to a mutual agreement with the guy.

  A majority of my friends tell me that I'm not "dating material" because I'm more of a serious long-term type of girl, and I agree [for the most part]. When I say I'm strict, I don't refer it to as keeping tabs on the guy 24/7 and being paranoid- no, I mean that I'd rather kiss and cuddle and actually mean it; I'd rather say "making love" than just sex because I would like it to be love instead of pleasure and not abuse it. Yes, the pleasures awesome, but intimacy, I believe, should take place between two people who at least care for each other and want to make each other happy, and that's what it should all be about.
  

  One night stands are basically a sin for me because I view it as a person either feeling sorry for themselves because they just got dumped, they're drunk out of their minds and don't have the decency to hold onto their dignity or self preservation, they do pity sex just so they don't tell the truth about how they feel (god forbid) and hurt someone's feelings, or they have absolutely no compassion for other human beings and only care about their satisfaction. But that's just my opinion, mind you.
  

  Marriage. Yes, I have a fiancé, and we were best friends long before we even started being intimate, and by intimate, I mean a close and familiar relationship with another person; Might I remind you that just because two people are being intimate toward each other doesn't necessarily mean that they're having sex. Intimacy is simply feeling very close to someone. And that's exactly what David and I were- two people who felt close to each emotionally and personally. We were, and still are, best friends for 9 years before he asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with him, and it took me two weeks to decide. I wasn't trying stalling, I was debating on whether or not being together like that would make our friendship awkward, and I decided that it wouldn't at all; I figured that since we'd been around each other for so long, actually knowing how each others minds work, & knowing each others weaknesses and strengths, it would only make the relationship all the better. So I said yes. And here we are, 4 years later and engaged with a bun in the oven that's due in December. Literally a happily ever after.
  

  
  

  David is such an awe-inspiring, divine, & admirable person; it baffles me as to how much he opened up before he purposed marriage to me, and before that I thought I really knew him. He's told me so much about everything personal that's happened, and knowing that someone is willing to do that, regardless of the embarrassment, really does make me want to cry. Happy tears, of course. He's always told me I'm beautiful even through 8 months of pregnancy where I see myself as a planet with gravitational force. He's never pressured me into sex. Ever. Even if his body had urges, he told me that as long as I felt like it was love and affection and not just pleasure, he would be patient no matter what. He is very open minded and prioritized towards any given subject and will listen to every point of view I may have, even if it's about the sex .
  

  And I am the same way towards him. You see, I don't believe in "dating" because I would never want to open up to a person in ways such as kissing, sex, cuddling, personal thoughts, embarrassing experiences, etc., just because they asked me out or wanted to "call me as their own" (and me not feel comfortable with it). A man & woman being friends with each other or getting to know them in general is already adjusting to who they are and them adjusting to you, minus the default behavior such as kissing or cuddling just because you're supposed to be dating that people program into their minds, thinking that they have to do it; learning things about one another and making each other laugh is true intimacy, even if you two want to keep the relationship "just friends". Knowing that you can make another person happy and them doing the same for you is friggin' sweet, and carrying that on through a couple of years is just about as sweet as huckleberry pie.

  Being friends and knowing David for 9 years really helped both of us because by the 3rd year, we were already very comfortable with each other, and we didn't even think of us getting married... ya know? What's your opinion on Dating? Do you think the term fits it's purpose?

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