Wednesday, 21 October 2009
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I'm Guilty, Are You?
Everyone's probably done it at some point, whether to a significant other, a friend or a family member.What am I talking about? Manipulation. Specifically, when you do something that they think is an unconscious, uncontrollable response, but you know full well how to do it on purpose, and are doing it to get what you want.
For example, my eyes widen and my nostrils tend to flare when I'm about to cry. My boyfriend hates it when I cry, mostly because he doesn't know what to do with me or how to make me stop. So when we're arguing, I've been known to widen my eyes and move my nose even when I'm far from tears, only because I know that he thinks it means I'm about to cry, and so he changes the direction of the conversation.
So my question is, do any of you ever manipulate your SO (or even friends) with some little tick that they think is out of your control? or if you found out someone was doing it to you, what would your response be?
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- From: astrellia
- Name: Rachel
- About Me: i'm a 20 year old college student in the midwest. i plan on moving to chicago when I graduate and getting my msw. in the meantime, i'm in love with my bed, my friends, cheez-its, and my boyfriend, but not in exactly that order :)
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Comments (31)
"My boyfriend hates it when I cry". Yea, crying is blackmail.
It might work the first or second time, but after a while a guy will just put his foot down and let you know that crying or yelling will NOT get you what you want.
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i don't like manipulate my SO, but any players that come along, trying to get at me, i'm fine. xD
You know, it's women like you, who use crying as a tool, that make men like @TangMSU@xanga (and pretty much the entire population) think that all women cry to get what they want.
Thanks for making it hard for the rest of us, who might actually cry because we're upset or hurt and have our men ignore it because they think we're doing it on purpose.
i hate being manipulated and i don't *generally* do it to other people. i have caught myself playing dirty a couple of times when my husband and i were fighting, though. luckily he usually doesn't let me get away with it (the perk of being with someone who calls your bullshit, haha). i can't say i don't do it "on purpose" because if i didn't i wouldn't do it at all. but i will say it is kind of an urge that takes over sometimes before i realize what's going on. the thing is, on the rare occasion that it does work, getting what i want doesn't even seem worth it because i have to admit to myself that i was playing the bitch card and i hate that.
:)
@i_r_keiko@xanga - agreed, well said.
:)
I'm capable of being manipulative (thanks, ex, for teaching me those wonderful skills...
), but I choose not to do it. It isn't fair to him (or to anybody), and he's had far too many women in his past who manipulated him. I don't want to contribute to that problem.
Sometimes, I have the urge to be passive-aggressive when I have a problem in our relationship, but I decide to face the situation head-on instead. It's the more honorable thing to do. As a result, I've become brutally honest and direct. Some people can't handle that, but others find it a welcoming breath of fresh air.
Most definitely, I can make myself cry, and I can make someone believe anything I say, sometimes I feel horrible but whatever, I guess I'm used to getting my way, I will go at any measure to get what I want. It's horrible. But sometimes, I DO CRY because more than anything, I am hurt or mad and can't really do anything to fix it.
It's fair game when I'm hurt. I don't throw out any of these moves otherwise but if you wound me, I'll either guilt the shit out of you or show you my wrath and then your fear of me will make you do whatever I want anyways.
I know this girl who's very manipulative towards guys. She tries to manipulate us girls too but we don't let her. LOL
It comes naturally, from time to time, but I try to avoid doing anything manipulative on purpose. It just doesn't make a healthy relationship.
lol thats awesome that u act like you r gna cry! i dnt really try to MANIPULATE to that extent. but im good at predicting people's actions. i analyze ppl and make descisions based on my analysis so that i can get along with them which is what I really want out of people.so yea im somewhat of a psychologist manipulator, or psychomanipulator... is that a word?!? lol
@calisartangel16@xanga - According to Xanga spell check it should be hyphenated. ;)
i might do it ...i cant recall how
When I cry, it's not because I'm trying to manipulate someone. I can be very sensitive sometimes. That's just how I am.
I cry when I really can't take it anymore and I'm extremely upset. I've never ever cried to manipulate anyone. Like everyone else said, crying shouldn't be a tool.
@SeaChaCha@xanga - You may or may not have found a personality flaw of your own that can keep you from having a strong relationship. Being vindictive is never ever healthy. Communication and having at least some emotional restraint is quite key.
@TangMSU@xanga - So I've heard but this isn't Dr. Phil and communication IS DEAD at that point. I understand your point but I haven't had the fortune of experiencing a relationship where that advice was even possible.
i wouldnt manipulate my SO
but if some player or asshole or cocky bastard comes along xD ahhahahahha
the story changes
@i_r_keiko@xanga - i'm sorry, i missed where i said i cry to get what i want. oh wait, that would be because i didn't. so before you accuse me of doing something and "making it hard for the rest of us, who might actually cry because we're upset or hurt", try backing up and rereading. i rarely cry in front of my boyfriend and i NEVER cry to get what i want. i clearly said that i "act" like i'm going to, because he knows i only cry when i am well and truly hurting. so yeah, thanks for accusing me of making if hard for women. i appreciate that. :)
I've done it. I've done it only to force him to see my side. He would start to see my side then he'd talk to his parents and convince him that not only were my feelings wrong, they were always wrong.
Everyone has done it to some extent, and if you said you haven't you're a liar.
I always manipulate my SO HAHAH, well and im guilty of it of course.
basicly its just crying when we fight and i want to end it without admitting im wrong or making him admit hes wrong (cuz i know he wont back down).
I don't think so, but conversely, if i feel that my bf is trying to manipulate me (i have a keen sense for this), i just humor him and go along with it, pretending the whole time that i am not aware of his motive, to keep things simple and peaceable. It's never manipulation in a bad way....just small things. Technically, i don't think it would even be considered manipulation....(Really, whatever it is though he could probably just tell me or ask me, and i would consent/ understand, but instead he takes a longer route to get to it.) We're almost totally honest, but our relationship is just funny in that way sometimes. XD
Oh, i used to manipulate my brother ALL the time, in small ways to retaliate for the cruel manner in which he treated me. We get along quite well now though.
@calisartangel16@xanga - Yeah! This is basically how i am. I couldn't think of a good way to say it. XD
i've been guilty of it. it's a game we all play to get our ways with anyone. when i was with my ex, i used to manipulate him into doing things i want to do when i know he doesn't want to do it. but of course, i'll return the favor later.