I for one am tired of the way men speak to me. Us...them...women in general. So the definition of chivalry is:
"The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women."
Alright that might be general but we have all sorts of examples to give us a better understanding of this outdated word. We have the legend of Robin Hood, even in "Men in Tights" he was a gentleman. We have the example of Marc Antony and his lovely Cleopatra (ignoring other moral questions focus on how they treated the ladies) If your rolling your eyes lets move it up a few years. How about Teddy Roosevelt; how about John Wayne?...How about your own grandfather?! Taking his hat off for females and openings doors. How sweet, how considerate. Now I know some women might have confused our gentlemen out there, why yes we are equal, but special attention never made anyone feel inferior.
But that's not the heart of the matter, what I am talking about isn't just dipping your head to a woman walking by or saying "excuse me 'mam" if you jostle her in the grocery store. Things have plummeted in the last few years, at least in my circles.
I don't consider you a man if you're straight up asking me about my love life; I don't consider you a man worth a second look if you insult my mother, aunt, grandmother any other person close to me. Do not call me a slut; do not call me a whore because you think it's funny. Do not make jokes about "getting with me"; don't voice your thoughts about the babe that just drove by. Asking for favors, offering a "good time". Repulsive. Disgusting. I would hardly consider you even worthwhile if you show any of these qualities in front of me. I've seen better behavior from pimps in the streets.
I value myself. I know I am attractive, if you think so too, try telling me it in an appropriate way. Win my hand like Robin Hood would have; show me how much I mean to you as Marc Antony did; talk about me with pride as Roosevelt was known to. Spitting or swearing might be natural to you, but John Wayne would have never acted that way with a lady. Get with it boys. Become men or we're just going to pass you by.
What do you think? Are respect and chivalry dead?
Recommend
Comments (67)
I heavily dislike it when people say that chivalry is dead. Every day I try to prove those around me wrong, but to no avail.
From my experience, most ladies go looking for trouble and then wonder why things go wrong. Not saying that about you, just stating what I've seen lead my close female friends to say the same thing.
Yes I tottally agree with you on this! Havnt met a guy that was kind to me yet..And not refurring to dating..Just if I need help,they smerk and snicker at my misfortune until I drop my things in my hands..then laugh like a fool watching me pick it up.. -_- They do that every time at my art school..
Yes. It's dead and never coming back.
Respect and Chivalry are different, neither is dead, but times are a'changin', so they are. If one knows where to look, these things are as plain as day. Things are only slightly different now than they were before. Disrespect and unchivalrous behaviors have been around for exactly as long as their positive counterparts, and have always been more prevalent. It is no different today.
@Spyder_V@xanga - I agree. Not every damsel in "distress" gets a white knight, nor should they.
I think it's long gone.
While we have the few women that miss it and want it to return, I can't count how many women have gotten mad at me b/c I choose to be a gentleman. Women I know have flat out said to me, even when initially meeting them, "Don't open doors for me; I'm not a little girl." or some reference towards equality.This goes even into speaking of sexual activity. Usually when I'm hit on, it's very crude in nature. Normally a graphic reference towards sex. I definitely don't think it's a living breathing mannerism.
It's about as dead as hand-writing letters and sending them in the mail. A lost art.
I have found that most men treat me the way I allow them to. I've also found that if I behave like a lady, if I treat him with respect and go out of my way to treat him like a prince he will generally follow suit and treat me equally well. I honestly believe most men who come across as jerks really do mean well and are only trying to impress you with the things they do. Yes, there are the real jerks out there but I have found more of the men you might at first find offensive are simply clueless in figuring out what a lady really likes. A gentle honest response letting him know what bothers you and what you like is usually appreciated by those fellas.
"Gentlemen" will return when "Gentle Ladies" return!
take a look around you, lots of girls are acting ghetto and calling each other b*tch and sl*t, F*cking the Assh*le, and cry to the Nice guy!
how can you expect us to respect you IF YOU DON"T EVEN RESPECT YOURSELF?
Also, Guys will be Nice when "Nice guys" get laid!
@godofthelost@xanga - You're exactly right about disrespect and common behavior being around forever. That's the reason chivalrous and respectful men are immortalized in books! Then, the ladies that "want" chivalry/respect, but are unwilling to look for it just dream and complain about their reality (I'm generalizing).
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - Like chivalry, I keep handwritten letters alive too. Send them to my girlfriend every month or so.
it sounds like most of those things are said by jerks, or players.
guys hold the door open for me or open the door for me all the time, and I smile and say thank you, so chivalry isn't completely dead. and if I can't open a jar or something, or if I need someone to get something for me, they usually do it for me - I hate asking for help though.
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - Your name is just oh-so-fitting! like@Spyder_V@xanga, I also still send handwritten letters.
As someone said earlier, Respect and Chivalry are two different things and not two opposites as much as the original poster makes it sound out to be (i.e. either a guy acts like an asshole wanting to get some or he's Robin Hood).
I can understand not wanting to be disrespected but... women who keep wanting a Prince Charming like a Robin Hood and being put on a pedestal are just asking to be disappointed. Women should really just expect to talk to someone who they will see eye-to-eye and not expect a lackey to open doors and what not for them.
Also, a man shouldn't have to *WIN* a woman's hand; it should be mutual. Times change and chivalry is something soon changing in definition (i.e. both men and women are chivalrous to each other).
@echois23@xanga - "I have found that most men treat me the way I allow them to." I guess it really goes hand-in-hand that "respect is earned."
@wenguang@xanga - Exactly. There are no gentlemen because there are "gentle ladies". Courtesy as a prime example of chivalry is a two-way street too.
Not yet, but they are dying, and women are helping to kill it.
@Spyder_V@xanga - guys like you give me hope that i'll find a truly good guy. :) @Simply_Cynical@xanga - have women really gotten mad at you for holding open a door for them? we do that all the time here (for everyone, not just women)! Maybe it's just a part of "Minnesota nice" or just the people in my town...
I've found that while I am an independent, confident young women, the idea of someone going out of their way to do nice things for me is much appreciated. I don't see it as being dominated, I see it as a person being nice and thoughtful. :) I don't go around putting down others, and I would hope that they don't go around disrespecting me/women. My guy friends have a lot of respect for me because I do my best to not disrespect men and other women. I am very well aware that respect is a two way street. As is courtesy, as is kindness, as well as many other things.
Chivalry is not dead because it never existed. It was an artificial code of honor introduced in Arthurian legend to exemplify the ideal man. Real medieval knights raped wantonly.
That is not to say that chivalry is not exemplary or right, but most women seem to think it was a realistic code at one point, when it never was. It all just depends on the guy. I often can't believe the way guys talk to girls. However, what do you expect when the media perpetuates all these behaviors as "funny." Take "Family Guy," for example, which constantly jokes about rape, sex, etc.
It's unfortunate that many guys don't see a need to make women feel special (platonically), but if you're looking for chivalry, read "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight," because books are the only place where you'll find pure gentlemanliness.
ah love the feedback. not gonna lie, I'm a little frightened by the vigor some of you comment in but its all good. i took a lot of liberties writing this and enjoyed quite a few chuckles while doing it, these comments are letting me chuckle all over again :D
I'm chivalrous, damnit. XD
@TangMSU@xanga - You are very right that respect can be earned and most often that is how the world does it. In my case I am different I give respect freely to all those who come into my life and you can only lose my respect if you do something that shows me it was misplaced or that you simply don't wish to be respected. Everything should be mutual in relationships to keep things balanced. I know that the whole idea of chivalry is outdated and old fashioned as is the idea of a woman behaving like a lady, but for me it has certain charms that add excitement to life. I have several charming "gentlemen" in my life. my brothers, my uncles, my nephews and many of my male friends. They are strong intelligent loving men and I certainly don't view them as lackeys. They open doors for me, walk on the more dangerous side of the sidewalk, carry heavy things for me and they do not manhandle me. They speak kindly and respectfully to me and I to them. They generally treat me like a lady and I treat them like gentlemen. I respect their opinions and really listen to what they have to say. I massage their shoulders after a hard days work. I allow them to lead on the dance floor, I serve them before myself at meals and remove their plate when they are finished eating, I won't nag at them or speak to them like they are children, I will seek to learn about the things they like and try to suprise them with little treats related to what they like. Maybe tickets to see their favorite teams game or a CD of the band they like or just a foot massage at the end of the evening. I know that the idea of giving to each other little old fashioned courtesies is weird for some people but to me it is just a sweet way of showing we care for each other.
How about this? I have that guy who defines this word-chivalry. And I can't stop thinking about my ex. Sometimes perfect is just to perfect. By the way, european men are very chivalrous, promise.
I can understand where all you guys are coming from but I agree with the OP. Although I don't think chivalry should only be for guys. Girls should say excuse me just as much as guys if they bump into you or whatever. I think everyone should be polite, courteous and not swear so often in GENERAL. Society is pretty sad these days anyway, I have girls and guys knock into me (hard) and give me dirty looks or say watch out "b*****" or whatever. I get where you guys say it's not realistic, but I don't think the OP is "setting herself to be disappointed. She just has standards that are different and if it helps I actually know lots of guys that are sweet and chivalrous.
But yeah, sometimes I don't understand why some girls go for the bad boys then cry when they realize he's a jerk. I think believe it or not, the nice guy (and nice girl, yes it applies to girls too) are happier together in the end, maybe not now while we're all young.. but 20 years from now when they start families and start a life together. Maybe nice guys don't get laid, but nice guys win in the END END. Same with nice girls, guys you guys don't want to take home a girl that swears or doesn't behave around properly around your parents now do you? In the end it's not about guys being chivalrous, but about girls AND guys having respect. Agree? Disagree? My POV may be different because I grew up from a very traditional family who was very strict on having respect and being polite. *shrug*
I think some common courtesy might be lacking depending upon where you are at or types of people you run into. sometimes I keep the door open for men or women of all ages and they don't say thank you but ignore me and keep walking like they feel entitled or they're just rude.
I don't know where you find people like that... but I can't think of any guy in my life who acts like that. They are not exceedingly polite to me, but they are definitely respectful of me and my feelings. I don't need their adulation or to be worshipped. I do need to be respected and treated like someone that matters. :)
Men still hold doors open for me and stuff like that...but then everyone does here, because I live in Canada and we are apparently all so nice haha. I don't think its quite dead yet, my boyfriend is very chivalrous and polite and respectful. It's true that some guys are really rude though
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - it makes me sad (and a bit embarrassed) that some women act like that. I'm really appreciative of guys who open doors for me, it's just polite. To me it has nothing to do with equality. I may want the same rights and opportunities as a man but that doesn't mean I don't want to be treated respectfully!
Chivalry is dead, and women killed it. - Dave Chappelle.
@Spyder_V@xanga - I agree. There are a lot of guys out there who are chivalrous. We just run into the jerks more often because they're stupid and disrespectful enough to be so out there with their incompetence.
i don't know...my grandfather cheated on my grandmother and walked out on her and his kids. not very sweet or considerate. i think we have to be REALLY careful about saying "all men were chivalrous a few years ago and none of them are now". the truth of the matter is that in every generation, every time period and people group, there are good guys and bad guys. just like there are decent women and bitches. maybe you keep picking the wrong kind of guy if you think they're all bastards?
:)