Ex-girlfriends and current girlfriends should not be friends with each other. Here are the reasons why:
1. On either a conscious level or a subconscious one, the ex is using the current girlfriend because she
a) wants to find out how the relationship is going so she can crack it apart and get back with the boy or
b) wants to know how the relationship is going just to compare it to her own with the boy.
2. On either a conscious level or a subconscious one, the current girlfriend is using the ex because she
a) wants to find out how the relationship with the ex was,
b) doesn't trust the dude, or
c) doesn't trust the ex.
3. They will be in constant competition with each other...who looks better, who's funnier, who spends more time with him, who talks to him more, who did the kinkier stuff with him, etc...and then the "friendship" will start to crumble, and the guy will leave one (or both) and you'll both have lost.
My tips to the current girlfriend are:
1. Don't give an ultimatum to the boyfriend, unless you're willing to lose him.
2. Let them spend time together. Yes, you can get to know her. Don't try to hang out with her alone and be her friend. As soon as he's out of your life, she will be too.
3. Let him know EXACTLY where the boundaries are. Let him know how you feel about the whole situation (you'd prefer they hang out with other people or only a time or two a week, etc...) and if he cares he'll respect them. If not, find someone new.
Do you think exes and current SO's can be friends?
True
Comments (38)
I only think they should be friends if the relationship was a short thing with very few feelings or a LONG time ago.
I dated some guy 4 years ago and he dated my friend recently, it was fine.
truuuuue
well i'm still really good friends with my ex, jason. i guess after trying so hard to make the relationship work, we decided to just let it go and just be friends. i think some people are meant to be friends more than lovers.
@breaking_expectations@xanga - You guys were friends first, that's completely different. I've been in relationship and then we broke up and he started dating someone else...and SHE tried being my friend...
@mewithoutu77@xanga - I meant more of you being friends with any girl he dates in the future...or him being friends with your boyfriend...like him and your bf hanging out without you around. Because you're right, some exes are better as friends...
i agreeeeeeee.
It has never bothered me that my girlfriend's best friend is her ex. But, I would say it really depends on the people involved, you know?
@PoetMcChick@xanga - i don't think i would be his current girlfriend's friend. it would be just too awkward. plus, i don't like any of the girls my exes have dated or are dating. and i think it would be so awkward if he befriended my current bf.
@mewithoutu77@xanga - Yup. That's pretty much the point of this post. It SHOULD be awkward...and the only reason why some girls/guys even attempt to be friends is for the reason above, even if they claim it's for the sake of the significant either, 9 times out of 10 it ISN'T. Thanks for reading! :D
@MattFreakinNix@xanga - But the question is...do YOU try to be friends with her ex?
I totally agree with you.
My ex's ex girlfriend tried to be my friend and told me a bunch of lies about my current boyfriend (ex now) which cause me to have more doubts and break up with him. Later on she felt "guilty" and told me she made it all up and it really sucked. Me and my ex are trying to be friends again, but it's hard. Worst part is, I was going to marry him when he came home from basic trainging and tech school.
@secret_society_of_popsicles@xanga - Ugh...that's awful. Was she trying to get back with him? Or did she just do it out of spite?
@MattFreakinNix@xanga - That could make things a little complicated, haha.
@PoetMcChick@xanga - A little bit of both I believe, I felt really stupid for believing her, but in the end, I grew from it.
it all depends on the people themselves. i mean one of my closest friend is my ex. sooo.. not that big of a deal
I think anything is possible,
and generalizing is never a good idea.
I'm ok with ex's still being friends with my boyfriend. He makes the choice to avoid them and keep them out of his life. All my previous boyfriends were very virginal and this problem issue didn't exist.
It only works if the ex is truly over it. I've been "friends" with a number of girls who have dated the same guys I have. One girl wasn't over the guy in question, and she tried some pretty shady stuff with me (not to mention creepily wanted to know all about our relationship, and that was uncomfortable). Needless to say, the friendship didn't last (neither did that relationship...too much baggage from everyone involved). My current fiance has two girls from his past who happen to be my sorority sisters...it's never been weird though. Both girls have been in serious relationships for awhile now, so I think it's safe to say they're both over it.
One is a little older than me and someone I don't know all that well, but we're comfortable around each other if we see each other, and I think she's a really nice girl. The other one is in my same circle of college friends. She was still sort of "with" my guy when he and I started becoming interested in each other (oops), and I do think she was still interested in him for the first several months he and I were together. She and I kind of gave each other some space for a few months when he and I first got together, but after she got together with her boyfriend, everything was back to normal again. I'm not uncomfortable with being friends with either of these girls; actually, I really like both of them and think they're really cool...they seem to like me too, so I think it's just kind of a mutual respect thing.
We're also all out of college, so that may have something to do with it. I just can't reason being catty or uncomfortable about something small that happened years ago. We're way too old for that. :)
Nah, I NEVER want to meet his exes, even if he doesn't mind talking to them if they run into eachother. That doesn't bother me at all, but yeah, luckily none of them are really friends. He almost invited one to our wedding b/c her mom and his mom are good friends and I got pissed (and I never use that word) because I overheard my mother in law saying "Oh Alyssa won't know who she is, so she won't know she's there! it'll be fine!" Luckily, I mean more to my husband than his ex. Sorry, that turned into a rant, lol.
I'm best friends with my boyfriend's ex. I don't even refer to her as his ex anymore because they broke up almost 5 years ago (they dated for almost 3.5 years in highschool) and I know he is genuinely over her (their relationship is completely platonic). I actually like having her around b/c I can understand my boyfriend better. I'm also friends with her boyfriend. In fact, we've done couples beach trips together. I know my case is one of those exceptions so I can understand not wanting to have some exs around.
my friend's ex is one of his best friends
she's a nice girl and I dont mind her
we're not super close though
i trust him though, i know he wont do anything to hurt me :)
x
i tired to be friends wit my boyfriends ex.
didnt workall for the reasons listed.shes a bitch nd will always try to break us up.i was just tryin to stop them seein each other...nd it worked :D
i win♥
@UnopenedSuitcases@xanga - Exes can be friends, that's a point I'm not disputing. What I'm talking about is your ex and your current boyfriend hanging out without you around...
Yeah, lol, I do. I was the current. It was amazing talking to his ex's and finding out just how many of them had been put through the same crap I had.
He's gone, they aren't.
my boyfriend and my ex live together. there are no problems.
only if the ex is in a relationship with another man.