Monday, 19 October 2009
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Compatibility Factors
I’ve gone to my share of weddings. They are usually heart-warming and sweet but it makes me wonder how can two distinctive people come together and take the plunge to make a life-long commitment? I know various factors come into play initially:
Attraction - Especially for the young, the first and foremost factor whether it be facial or physical is how attractive a person is to another. This affects chemistry and longevity of the relationship whether you meet people in person or online. Does it really matter all that much being more mature? I think it matters somewhat, there should be some attraction but would you care if they had perfect hair or teeth or was fashionably stylish. Does he have to be perfectly toned? Not really. Effort is always good. Perfection is not necessary but welcoming.
Social Compatibility - This could be their personality type reflected mostly from behavior and interests. Can I relate to a quiet, introverted person? Yeah, I try to be friendly. Can I relate to an out-going, party person? Again, I just try to be courteous. Conversation usually dictates how compatible you are from the subjects to the flow of the conversation. Individual personality traits are eventually displayed when you get to know them more in various situations ie cohabiting.
Age Difference - There is a rule of thumb here but basically it depends on a basic maturity between the two individuals. You could have a large age gap but as long as they share the same values and have similar perspectives or at least reach an agreement on major issues then there should be no issues that cannot be understood and resolved.
Cultural adherence - This is also a pivotal factor. How two people from polar cultures can maintain a relationship usually depends on the values and preferences of the two individuals. It also reflects their principles when confronting conflicting pressures from family, peers and others. It might reflect their family’s values through their (non) approval.
Social status – In a larger arena like the metropolitan area, it holds more weight (more apparent). In regards to social mobility, one might care which way they’re going (up or down). It could reflect in self-improvement or material possessions or social connections. But the big thing is how two people from opposite stratosphere’s manage to meet and sustain a relationship.
Education – This relates to one’s social status or upward mobility. Individually, education usually reflects sociability and ambition. Sub factors would be religious views and political stance.
Financial Means – Depending on how successful you are, it will reflect in your salary or paycheck. In reality, it is how much you save and invest rather than how much you earn or spend. Sometimes, it is just how well you balance your income to your expenses. Material possessions may or may not reflect your worth since it depends on how you finance them. What does all this mean in a couple? Someone who has a stable income would be the breadwinner or reliable one while someone who works sporadically will have trouble maintaining living expenses and living with others.
Family Values – The glue that holds everything together. It’s what makes long-term relationships work. The values that support and sustain a person may make or break their relationship. It might reflect on all relationships not just intimate ones. How you relate to their family also might affect whether there will be a commitment. It might dictate whether you want to have children or take on other people’s progeny, etc.
Sexual Compatibility - This is a factor that may or may not hold much emphasis in a relationship depending on the two individual's values and faith. When faith isn't a consideration, many relationships end simply because the sexual chemistry or cohesiveness isn't there.
The variable or glue that makes up conglomerate of all these factors would be each person's character that would dictate how they react to various situation and circumstance.
Are there any other compatibility factors in relationships?
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- From: Parsimony@xanga
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Comments (21)
I hope all of those things come into consideration when I get married!
This is why relationships are complicated sometimes; there are so many factors to consider when people make that HUGE commitment to spend the rest of their lives together. For me, education is the most important because it shows that he has worked hard for something worthwhile and most likely will want to work at our relationship to maintain it.
That is quite a list you put together there. I think you hit them all on the head. I generally try to just let personality and character affect me, though physical attractions plays a good part too.
it's important to remember that time always brings physical attractiveness down, so how much you care about each other will inevitably be the defining factor in deciding to settle down with someone.
@laytexduckie@xanga - Considering it's for a life time partnership, you kind of want to be prepared and get it right the one time. If it's just for within the realms of dating, you probably wouldn't care so much about running down the whole list.
@Parsimony@xanga - That's true. I guess it's only because since right now I'm still in school, I'm only going with the flow of relationships. It's only until I graduate and see that I've been with her for a while is when I start to think about the seriousness and if it will work out. I understnad what you're saying.
hammer, meet nail. solid post.
Personality?
I think one big one that should be add is history. Abuse, mental or physical, is a big factor.
You forgot to add interests.
Good list.
I was often told that physical attraction isn't important - "it's the inside that counts" kind of thing. But that's not entirely true. I agree that it does come into play in a way that leans more towards "in the eye of the beholder".
I like your list. Very nicely done. But i think you forgot about interests and personality.
good list.
makes you wonder how so many people stay married...
Honestly, props for the list but
what happens when a marriage doesn't consist all that....
is divorce always the conclusion?
good points.
Compatibility on some levels is a must, obviously. :)
But I also believe at least in some factors that opposites complement each other..the weakness/dislike of one is the strength/like of the other and together you are improved, stretched, more well-rounded..and even perhaps--more complete.
This is where your final point on character comes readily into play. It is up to the two individuals combined if they're willing to compromise, grow, work at keeping the relationship moving forwards and upwards. Even with compatibilities, this is true.
if only more people had commoon sense before dating, then they wouldn't need advice on sites like these lol
@x__dollyco@xanga - It's only a list to consider and prepare for marriage. Like a earlier commenter replied not everyone will consider all the items to this list. It's subjective to two individual's preferences and needs in a life long partnership.
Awesome post. I was just about to post something very similar to this but I was going to throw in some venn-diagrams and graphs in an attempt to explain that you can lack a couple important aspects of a relationship if you're really strong in other parts.
@Shopgirl0393@xanga - I totally agree. Complementary traits are very important. They might not greatly impact the success of the relationship itself but they impact the success of the couple in regards to surviving the real world. I've also found people with the same traits as me as boring and not all that attractive.
You seen to have it all covered. I don't believe "opposites attract" maybe the whole mystery part is attractive to some degree, but eventually you'll grow tired and want something similar to you.