I was lying in bed and thinking, as I often do. I was thinking about the fact that since my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, after a 2 and a half year relationship, I've been scared to commit to anyone else. Scared because I might get my heart broken, scared because I may ruin a friendship (in some cases), scared because I might compare them to my ex-boyfriend all the time, scared that one day we won't be together anymore, and I'll never see them again. I mean, why put in all that effort if you know that it may end?
However, I realized that we all do it our whole lives.
Not with romantic relationships necessarily, but friendships. We make friends through different stages in our lives, for different stages in our lives, but we rarely keep them all. If I look at my life, the friends I had at Nursery I wasn't necessarily friends with by the end of the Infants in Primary School. By the time I went to the Juniors part, I had entirely different friends. Obviously moving to the Netherlands meant that I didn't keep those old friends, but my friends from the ISM over those 5 years, the majority of them aren't my friends anymore. Even friends at my last school in England, MGS are no longer my friends, and it's only been 5 months since I left. Some people I am friends with now, whereas for the majority of the 2 years I wasn't. And now Uni friends. Friends I'll have for hopefully at least 3 years. But in twenty years time will any of these friends from my entire life still be friends? I hope some will be, but I can't guarantee it.
Friendships, just like relationships, don't always last. Yet, when we go to new places, we don't think, "Oh, I'll only be here three years so I won't bother making friends as it may not last." However, some people think this way about relationships. And yes, I know they're different. Relationships are usually more intimate, and you often spend more time with your significant other. On occasions you share your lives. We are forever making friends though, without blinking an eye. Perhaps that's because we've been doing it our entire lives, whereas romantic relationships come later in life. And I know significant others can break your heart, but friends can hurt you badly. Sometimes friends who you think are really close turn out not to be, and then you realize how much time you wasted on them. Agreed, friends and significant others are not the same, but they still have the power to hurt you. Yet, we throw ourselves into friendships without thinking twice, even when we've been hurt by previous friends.With regards to relationships, we are often more cautious about giving our hearts away. Maybe that is the point, we don't give our hearts to our friends. I often do, so I'm more likely to get hurt. Perhaps I should be more cautious with friends ;).
The conclusion I'm trying to come to is that like relationships, friendships come and go to. We're not so cautious with friendships that we miss out on life, but we are with relationships. What I'm trying to say is, at least for myself, that I want to be less cautious with relationships. I've survived heart break from relationships, and I've survived friends hurting me. "Every song ends, is that any reason not to enjoy the music?" I know that in a lot of cases friendships last longer than relationships, but length doesn't necessarily mean how meaningful it will be. The point of this post is basically me telling myself that I'm going to start taking more chances, because one day my life will end, and I don't want to sit by watching it pass by. Opportunities are rare, good friends are rare, love is rare, so grab it when it comes by, and don't think about what happens when it ends, because whenever anything ends, something new always begins.
Have you ever missed out on an opportunity at a relationship because you knew it would end at some point and didn't want to take the chance?
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Comments (25)
i agree with the friendships & relationships both come and go
& i have to admit; ive missed out on relationships due to fear that we wouldn't last or work out;
but eventually, i regret it and wish i took a step forward and said, "right now, i just really want you in my life; even if you're not gonna stay forever"
as a buddhist i know that all things have an end....but you are right. relationships (be they friendships or any other type) come and go. how are we to learn how to deal with relationships if we do not enter into them. i think we stay away from or at least keep some distance from those that may not be healthy for us. too many of us want that "true love" relationship yet wwe bithch when we either dont get it or have trouble with it. how does one get better at things without practice? i would hope that we learn something from each encounter we have with eachother. we observe, we test, we evaluate and in the end do the best we can. it takes 2 to have a relationship.
great post!
just when i thought that xanga bloggers would never present me with a relevant morsel of food for thought...
thank you for writing thisI think you're right. That taking chances is often the only way to achieve what you want. I've noticed it myself, and while there is always risk involved, the part that may hurt doesn't have to take away from what you gain out of each experience, be it in relationships or in whatever capacity. For some reason we do fear the pain of an ended romance enough to avoid them altogether when it should probably be more of the opposite.
I will admit, I often get nervous when I start having strong feelings for someone. I've been hurt, and I'm scared. But I've realized that if you don't gather all those pieces back up and start anew, then you'll never find that happiness again. Nothing lasts forever, enjoy what you have at the moment.
all in all, just enjoy ur life...u only have one....one life of experiences...do as u feel.
i like this. i never thought of it that way.... but i guess the difference is you're more intimate to the person you're in a relationship with. either way, the two are almost similar
ya know, i've been thinking about this too, and i think i needed to hear it from someone else to make it more true. so thank you. so much. :]
Great post.
i agree
and you defs got me thinkingcus like you. i really dont want to get into another relationship anymore cus im scared of being hurt and going through this pain all over again.but you're right, everything ends someday, and if i keep avoiding everything.. then i'm going to miss my happy ending (if there is one loll)Nice. I agree.
In high school yeah. But then I realized that it's good to have some experience. However, I'm just a little bit too late for that. So now I'm in a community college, where it's hard to even form a good friendship.
yeah i think as people, we get afraid then we make rash decisions which don't allow us to experience all that we can, so yeah. i can say that i've missed quite a few windows probably.
@BlehhItsTu@xanga - andd that's so true. at this time in life people have their own priorities before they even have time to think about making new friends haha. so it's tough.
i think people tend to think more harshly and emotionally with relationships because it's on a different level. girls don't ever stop to think that they have friends there who will come over with tissue boxes and chick flicks to get a laugh out of you. we expect that of friendships. sure, friendships die out and they come and go and it doesn't hurt as much (though plenty of times it hurts a lot!) and we forget about them untill they come back time to time but it's because you don't sure a "forever life" with them in your head. my best friend and i used to joke around all the time that she and i were going to live together as old women (and husbandless i assume since we never brought them in) and we'd sit in rocking chairs and have plums and sit and talk about the shit we did. but she passed away and she's gone. but i know she's looking down on me and helping me through. i have a better mentality now because i know boys come and go. i know friends come and go. you just go on with your life. i think a person has to be strong in themselves first. sure you can't do anything alone but you're going to have to be able to do alot on your own.
relationships with an s.o. and friendships come and go but they are different types of bonds. when I was separated from my best friends after high school since we went to different colleges far away from each other, I cried but it wasn't the same type of feeling when I cried when I was separated from a guy that I liked. I felt a more piercing pain with the guy because he hurt me whereas my friends never meant to hurt me, they were just moving on with their lives for a better education and we weren't separated by choice but with guys, they usually say the never meant to hurt, but their actions showed otherwise. it depends if the relationship ended on good terms and how deep the bond was.
wise words :)
This is an inspiring post, I love it.
Shit happens, we gotta pick ourselves and brush each other down.
Maisy
Thank you all for your comments, and thanks to those who said that I inspired them. I've just recently started University and I'm learning who out of my old friends, were true, and the results are different from what I expected, as life often is. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It's interesting for me to read people's views, and comments. It helps me develop a better understanding of it all. This is my first featured post so thanks for all the wonderful feedback.
Strangely enough I was thinking about this the other day. Once you move to an entirely different area it starts to really sink in who was there for you and who wasn't, and also what you miss now that you are no longer there. I hope your university friends are treating you well, and I hope to speak to you again soon, its nice to know I wasn't the only one thinking about this.
very good post. i can relate to it very much right now. i got out of a 4 and 1/2 year relationship before this semester began. i have been in two short relationships since then. they were short, unfortunately, because of my "cautious" heart. we are all so breakable, but you can't live life in fear or you will just end up more unhappy than need be.
yes very true! nothing lasts, but a good committed relationship could last. that is if it is true love.. if it isn't than it probably won't ever. i am still waiting on my prince to come along.
i am praying that it lasts forever
@discover_hienie@xanga - 4 and a half years pales in comparison with 2 and a half years. I admire your strength to keep going though. I'm not sure if I would be able to, I only just got over my ex-boyfriend. We, as humans are not meant to live our lives alone, and I feel that life is always more beautiful when you can share it with someone.
hehe i hope that everything goes great for you. i know it has to take awhile to heal things.
i thought that i would never be able to get rid of my ex bf.. i have known him for six yrs
and we just reunited in march. i was so shocked and i thought that i could fall in love
with him again.. it wasn't going to happen. ugh! part of moving on is meeting new
ppl. there is always another guy that you could find. keep being strong and my faith
has kept me going and my friends.
thanx for writing! i never thought about it this way, but now that you bring it up.. why yes. i have missed out on stuff because I was afraid. and I definitely regretted it for years afterwards, but I've gotten over it since then. but you make several good points. thank you.
really like this article, extremely relevant, thank you :)