Sunday, 18 October 2009
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Magical Land of Singles? No Thank You!
Last night, my girlfriend and I went to see Couples' Retreat. It's gotten alright reviews, but I loved it. I was in a really romantic mood so I was okay with the 70-30 division between romance and comedy. But that's not the point of this blog, is it? No, it's actually something that was said in the movie that really struck me and I really wish to elaborate on it now with you all.In the movie, one of the husbands gets married early and is pretty run down relationship-wise with his wife, so all he wants now is this stereotypical single life- parties, sex all the time, and no emotional bonds. He starts going off on Vince Vaughn's character, who is happily married to his wife. Vince Vaughn's character then, basically, says that that's not what he wants. He doesn't want to wake up in the morning not knowing who he is in bed with, but he wants to share his life with someone. (It's a much more poignant scene in the movie than I am making it out to be.)
It really got me thinking; sometimes I see a lot of blogs on Datingish that speak of this magical land where singles go and party and have fun and "enjoy their youth". As if being young and being single somehow coincided. I've been dating the same girl for nearly 2 and a half years now, ever since the end of junior year in high school. We're now both sophomores in college and I couldn't have found a better way to spend my youth, not in a million years.
A lot of this "magical single's life" glorification can get into people's heads. I've been there; everyone's been there. It's not as much fun as it sounds, especially if you're like me- AKA, no muscles, no football scholarship, and a computer whose price tag rivals that of your car's. I have no shame in admitting that I found my future wife out of pure luck- I've written many blogs about this, but no amount of blogs can make it seem like it's an everyday thing. Don't take my experience for the rule of the road, but don't discount young love either.
You don't need to spend your youth being single and doing stereotypical single things like partying, traveling, or, in some people's very skewed cases, sleeping around. Why can't you travel with a significant other? Most of the time, it's personal barriers that keep two people from doing things that they would enjoy quite a bit. In fact, I would think that traveling around Europe or even to the west coast of America would be more fun with a significant other. Why do people think you need to be single to enjoy your youth? It's a faulty viewpoint that even has captivated my girlfriend at one point or another.
See, she's never kissed another guy but me. I'm also her first real boyfriend. So what? I've had 7 girlfriends, none of which held a candle to her. Would her being with other guys make her a better girlfriend? Absolutely not. Do you need to experience being single, kissing other people, having sex/other sexual things with other people to be successful and happy in a relationship? Do you need to do that to enjoy your youth? No! I can't say I regret the relationships I was in before, because I had a lot of growing up to do and a lot of knowledge about women to learn, but with my girlfriend, you wouldn't even know that this is her first relationship. She kisses like she's done it her whole life, and she loves like no other has ever loved me.
So then why do people tell me I'm not truly enjoying my youth? What isn't completely and utterly incredible about sharing day after day with the person you're meant to be with? What's so wasteful of our own adventures, our own goals, our own fun? Why is it such a persistent generalization that you must be single to fully enjoy your youth?
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About the Author
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- From: harmonyminusmelody@xanga
- Name: Evan
- About Me: in reference to my username, i have been since acquainted with my melody and we shout to the heavens our concordant song of life and love. i am a lover, a God-fearer, a space enthusiast, an aerospace engineer in-training, a writer, a gamer. i am lazy, opinionated, overweight, overbearing, and full of myself, but honestly, WHO ISN'T?!? at least i can say i'm not full of YOURSELF.
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Comments (42)
I think it really all depends on what the individual person wants. We are all different and want different things out of life.
I'm with you. I love my girlfriend and would rather be with her a week in my hometown just doing regular things that going to Europe for a week single. Both are fun, but I think being with her is more fulfilling.
Regardless, some people really don't want the bond, they just want to enjoy their physical beauty while they have it and go out and do what is fun to them. I can't judge them since it's not my place to do so, but I can understand why they would.
In the end, we all make our own decisions based on our experiences and intellect in hopes of getting what we want out of life.
i would never want to be single again. i love my boyfriend, i love having someone to hold me and tell me i'm loved. i'm enjoying my youth a lot, and i probably wouldn't be if it weren't for my boyfriend.
Trust me... I'd gladly leave singlehood. Unfortunately for me, none of the guys I've been interested in are currently living in the area. C'est la vie ... and so I plan for the future.
this is a really cute post - more guys should appreciate their girlfriends like you do. :)
I absolutely hate being single, haven't been in about 4 years and it really sucks now..
I've been single for five months and I do believe I missed the memo about the magical land of singles since my singles life is much like my taken life. I go out with friends (or my s/o if I have one.), write poetry for the book I'm trying to get published, and try to save up for college, and play mmorpgs (With my s/o if I have one.)
I'm happy either way I don't think I would make a very good girlfriend at the moment however since I'm still not over my ex girlfriend and I'm trying to get my life together at the moment so the only sort of people I attract are people who want flings or people who just want to chase after me because I'm unattainable. (Which I still don't get.) I do hope one day even if it's not in the near future however I can find a girl I can settle down with much like you and your girlfriend. I think it's really sweet you're her first boyfriend.
I don't think it's up to anyone to decide what's wasting your youth and what's not. I've been told I am because I don't do drugs or party. I find it far more entertaining to stay home and play video games or go out to fairs or the mall with my friends. As long as what your doing is making you happy I think that's all that matters.
Aw, high school sweethearts. that's just adorable.
Being single is good, but being loved is even better.
..and your not wasting your youth.
You are right: you don't have to be single to enjoy your youth.
I also think you're situation is an exception. Not everyone even finds a decent person to hang out with at a young age, let alone their soul mate. Sorry people get on your case, but if she's really THE ONE, then good on you (I mean that seriously not sarcastically). The rest of us, who aren't as lucky, aren't necessarily discounting the bliss of coupledom, we're just having a hard freakin time getting there. We're left in the scummy vernal pool while we search for the right one.
Amazing post.
It's true you can enjoy you're youth whether you're single or not. It all depends on what each individual wants. I think it also depends on the person you're with if you're in a relationship. Me and my now ex had that problem, He didn't want to do things I wanted to do and I didn't want to do things that he wanted to do.
Being young and in love, whats not fun about that? lol.
I agree with a lot of things in this post.
some people feel if you have a significant other, you can't do the things you want to do. if your SO won't allow you to do the things you really want to do, then maybe you shouldn't be with them. and who says they have to do it with you? who says your life has to stop or that you have to put your dreams on hold.
I enjoy bonding with whoever I like at the time, putting effort into our "relationship." however, I love being single too.
Of course you don't have to be single to enjoy your youth, but have you ever thought about how being single is seen as less than ideal and everyone should be in a relationship always? Maybe people had to find a reason why being single doesn't suck and unfortunately that generalization was made to overcompensate. Just a thought.
I agree though that people can enjoy their lives being with or without someone. You're obviously happy with your partner and I'm obviously happy without anyone of the sort. It's all up to what makes us happy not what everyone else thinks should make us happy.
magical single's life????? I don't know what's so "magical" about being single these days-yea you can do whatever you want but with HIV and STD's out there I'd take a backseat on sleeping around real quick. For people like me who have been single for a long long time I really don't see the "magic" behind being single cause at the end of the day you're still alone.
This is a very sweet post. It depends on the individual. Single or not --- Life is what you make of it.
However, I don't agree with the people that spend their entire youth looking for a relationship because they feel their lives are empty without it. Some people I know obsessively seek out relationships (and usually this does not turn out too well) and do not allow themselves to experience different aspects of life while waiting for it. I don't mean physical "experiences" like sleeping around, but rather missing out on friends, volunteering, traveling, etc because they are waiting around for something to happen to them. I did not "experience" anything physically until I was in a relationship with the man I felt comfortable enough with, and I don't feel I missed out because I was focused on so many other things. This may not work for everyone, but just my two cents.
Singles have independance. However, career, study and saving for your OWN future is more important than wild parties. The occasional date and having the right to find the person you are meant to be with instead of being with the wrong person is also important. Those are all rewarding resons to be single.
For me, it really depends on the relationship.
There's the couple that rarely fights, enhances each other's personality for the better, and just simple loves each other.And then there's that on-and-off couple, always fighting, maybe a little abuse, can barely get through a weekend without some kind of drama, that brings out the worse in each other.
With the last couple, which occurs frequently in high school, I'd say single is definitely better.
I also think that while being single, you can be a little more experimental and learn some degree of independence and self-reliance, and truly figure out your likes and dislikes, your passions, etc.
i've been in the "magincal land of singles" that you're referring to. i've had the parties, the random (and great) sex, the raves, the clubs, the single life. i loved every part of it whether or not someone agrees with my ways or not. it's more of an adrenaline rush. "who am i going to attract tonight?" but i've also been in a relationship now for 2 years and i love that. i love waking up next to him and knowing it's going to be his arms around me. i love knowing the sex i have is nothing to be worried about. i love knowing i'm safe with him and that for the most part, i won't get hurt with talking behind my back or a dirty label or getting my heart broken for loving and not being loved back. in a way, i'm a bit ashamed for doing what i;ve done. but at the same time, i'm glad i had the experience and had it in such a fulfilling way that i wont ever have to say "i never got to" do this and that. people need to mature in their own way. i dont know if you're actually saying that the whole partying scene is bad but i think everyone needs to try that on thir own. i think it's ridiculous when a 27 year old women is out there with no chance of a job going clubbing all night. my friends do ask why i don;t ever go party with them and why i don't do my own thing without my boyfriend but it's because i'm honestly happy with him andi don't need other people for that same happiness, i guess. i have friends and they know i love them but they also know i'll bow out if they'regoing clubbing or to a party and instead would hang out with my man. having the taste of the party life is good, you just need to know when enough is enough. :) ah i bet this was confusing to read. haha
wow. i would love to see my boyfriend write something like this! your girlfriend sure has a keeper ... although i've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 1/2 years & i feel the same way. i know he does as well, but he's just not as good with his words as you are. my boyfriend has been with 2 other girls besides me, sexually, and probably kissed a few others. i kissed 1 guy before him, and 2 others (when we took a break 3 years ago) and he's the only person i've been with sexually. over the summer, 2 of my girlfriends told me that i need to go out and experience before i settle down with him... one of them is in a relationship with someone she hates, but won't leave and the other one has been single for a long time. but i don't want to go out with other guys because i'm extremely happy with my guy... i only wish the people out there who want to party hard and be single could/would understand the feeling that we feel towards our SO. :)
I never found singlehood to be a magical land. Much of the time it seemed quite desolate.
So.....you resent the stereotypical idea that "singleness is ideal in your youth." If you're so happy with your girlfriend, why are you getting worked up over the stereotype? You shouldn't!!
I'm your complete opposite. I've been single since my junior year of high school, and am now 23. You're right that the partying single life wears down fast, but I've also met plenty of great guys during my time alone. I REALLY doubt I would get to meet them if I had a boyfriend.
I traveled, took new classes, changed my career, worked overtime, etc. -- and all the while, people always ask, "Why are you single?" "Why hasn't a guy snatched you yet?" I keep seeing couples together, my friends are getting engaged and married, and I can't help but think that I'm somewhat inadequate because I don't have a significant other. There's a prevailing stereotype singles keep hearing---- "YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY WITHOUT SOMEONE" -- it's plastered all over movie billboards, ads, media, culture, religion (sometimes), etc.
So...please, don't obsess over your un-lived "prototypical single partying college life" -- because most of us (single and taken) deal with what other people THINK we should be doing.
Do what YOU feel is best, and kid -- Have fun!!
@at_eex3@xanga - haha quote of the night for me. "Being single is good, but being loved is even better."
I am glad the way things worked out for you.
That being said, as others have mentioned, people (young and old) just need to be content with where they are in life. Being single has its gifts and challenges as does being in a relationship. And there are stereotypes to both.
I always thought it would be that much more fun to enjoy life with a significant other and being single isn't that magical because it is more fun when I drag my boyfriend along to watch a cutesy movie with me
It's vital for you to be able to know and independently take care of yourself before sharing yourself with another person. I believe that's what matters most. If you step into a relationship with half of you committed, you aren't able to wholeheartedly give yourself into a relationship and for most teenagers, they're still trying to find who they are. I'm not talking stereotypically, just logically since I am a teen.
For me, I've been HAPPILY single for a year and I'm independent and I hold my own. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship right now because I'm not willing to give myself to someone until I find that super special someone. Don't know when that will be but I'm not gonna wait for nothing less than that. Other than that, I'm having my fun and I really do absolutely love being single. In my opinion, it's just a lot easier to deal with because I don't have the time to consider someone elses' feelings to be honest. Also, being single gives the advantage that you can dance with whoever, be with whoever and no complicated "love triangle/jealousy issues" form. OF COURSE, this is strictly my opinion.
xoxo.
thanks for this post. i'm now reviewing my take on relationships. ive never held a committed long term relationship, ever. I fear for the worst. i see how traveling or venturing out with anything with your SO would be much more enjoyable than by yourself. maybe my views were just that of an immature 19 yo or i guess relationships only work if you are with the right person.