Friday, 16 October 2009
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"Hey, Best Friend, I'm Dating Your Ex"
NOT!
Surprisingly, that now is common, one friend ends up dating another friends ex. The other day I got into this subject with a friend and told her that girls that do that must think "I always wanted what you once had."
It has happened to me before. My friend dated a guy I was in love with, and she expected me to be alright about it. Which I wasn't, but between you and me, I'm not a dramatic person, and I let her be. I didn't pick a fight over it because what she did wasn't classy. I hold my integrity and I stick like gum to my loyalty for friendships. I do not understand how its so common nowadays.
I've been seeing this happen so much I don't even know if I should introduce my boyfriends to my friends anymore. I've seen these friends get so jealous over one another that they end up hating each other. And when the guy leaves the picture, like bippity-boopity-booo these girls are friends again and snapping pictures for their new Facebook default.
Girls, these guys aren't worth it. And most likely a guy that has no self respect would follow through with this. A guy that respects himself and his ex would not fall into one of these situations.
If you want a mature and real relationship find it some place else, don't pick up the slack that your friend throw away. And to those girls that are in the situation, sorry but, you need better friends.
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- From: talithakoum7@xanga
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Comments (71)
yeahhh ... that is definately gross and weird to hear about. my circle of friends is just not the type to do stuff like that. like, idk. my boyfriend is only for me. i couldnt really imagine he'd even be interested in anything serious with any of my close friends, or them vice versa. we are our link to each other. maybe its more when they were already friends of a friend? idk. just weird. i can't picture it happening in my life.
also, i've NEVER been attracted to a friends bf. i've been friends with them, i've been outright disgusted by some of them, but never like, oh i wish he was mine! gross.
it's not only girls dating their bff's ex, guy's good "friend" did that too.
best advice, cut those people out of your life!
i agree,,, great post. friends don't date each others ex's; it's just plain wrong.
Agreed! I don't know why people love to cycle through exes like crop circles. I knew this girl who dated 3 guys within the same group of friends. Not to mention this other guy I knew who basically messed around with every single girl within his group of friends. That grosses me out.
Right on!
i don't think it's that bad to date a friend's ex, on certain terms.
maybe it's because i'm in a small area; if everybody went by the rule of "don't date your friend's ex," nobody would ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend, even if they dated people from closeby schools. I feel like you should get permission from your friend to date their ex, though, and go by their feelings about them. if the breakup wasn't super messy and the friend and ex are on good terms, then with permission, i think it's okay. however, if your friend is constantly going on about how much they hate him/her or confesses they still have feelings for them, don't even bother to ask, for the sake of the friendship.
I agree :D
If the friend is not ok with it, then yes I agree. However, I'm completely over all of my ex's and am in a very healthy, happy relationship now. Why should I care if one of my friends hits it off with one of my ex's? All the more power to them! So I think if your friend is ok with the situation (not pretending to be ok, but genuinely doesn't care), then I think it's alright.
I've had that happen to me before, but not exactly. I fell in-love with this girl and almost married her, but for a particular reason we parted ways after 3 years. Then unexpectedly after my ex and I broke up for about a week, this friend of mine who always hung around with us when my girlfriend and I were still together, asked her out.. Of course, he asked what I thought about it first and I told him that I wouldn't be comfortable with it, but he went tried to date her anyways... Years later, I met up with my ex and she told me how he tried to make the move on her, but she totally shut him out... That was the last that I heard of him...
"A guy that respects himself and his ex would not fall into one of these situations." love it.
I've been through it before and it sucks. I cut the girl outta my life for good. But the guy? ehh, we became friends again after he apologize. and that girl that was suppose to be a good friend of mine never apologize. LOL
Exactly what happened in my last relationship. My best friend ended up dating my ex-girlfriend. Worst part... we lived in the same apartment...
THIS HAPPENED TO MY LAST RELATIONSHIP BUT THE GIRL HE'S WITH NOW WAS HIS BESTFRIEND'S EX GF WHO SHE ALSO DATED ANOTHER ONE OF MY EX'S AND HIS BESTFRIEND'S FRIEND... I'M GUESSING SHE LIKES SLOPPY SECONDS AND HE LIKES SLOPPY THIRDS AND I'M PERFECTLY FINE WITH THAT 'CUZ THAT BITCH IS BIPOLAR AND SHE'S A PILL POPPIN' HO AND HE'S UNSTABLE IN THE MIND... HE BROUGHT ME DOWN WITH HIM! BUT IT WAS MY OWN FAULT I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID AT THE TIME!
AND I AIN'T DOWN WITH ANYONE'S SLOPPY SECONDS OR THIRDS...
AND BESIDES I FOUND SOMEONE BETTER!
I dated my best friend's ex once. It wasn't a big deal at all. She was over it, and he and I had a happy 15 months together.
It depends on how serious the relationship was and how over it the friend is. If they dated for like a couple weeks and they are both over it, then ask for permission. If they dated for a year + then I wouldn't dare.
What if the guy is generally better for the best friend than it was for you? I remember having a girlfriend, but the truth was I got along so well and it was less of a chore clicking and relating with her best friend than it was with my then-girlfriend.
@merquryd@xanga - I agree. It all depends on how the relationship was. If it was a long one or a bad break up, then common sense would say avoid it.
Sometimes people connect years later too, so if they broke up in high school & you're all out of college now, I'd say it was fine.
Uh... My current boyfriend is my best friend's ex... She dated him in 7th/8th grade. I started dating him second semester freshman year of college. He was my best guy friend for years while they were going out, and for years after. My all-around best friend started going after my current's/her ex's best friend when they were dating, flirting and making more plans with him than my current/her ex.
He is my first boyfriend and my best friend somewhat gave approval. Now, she gets bitter sometimes, and always tries picking at our relationship, despite the fact that she tried, several times, to match me up with an ex of hers who had screwed her over.
And I feel that it is fine to date friends' exes, because maybe what you have in common will let you work out with their ex and the differences you have with your best friend have the potential to allow the relationship to work even better.
Of course, if the ex really screws your friend over, you may have to watch out.
Extremes are ridiculous. Don't refuse a relationship with a guy simply because he once dated a best friend. I feel like it is only an issue if there are still feelings, hurt or romantic, involved. My best friend has been dating an ex of mine for almost six months now. It was close to a year after I dated a guy, and I was completely for their relationship. They are 100 times over more compatible than he and I ever were.
i dated an ex-friend's ex..but because we were still in the same friend group, i was polite to her...and my whole friend group turned on me and harassed me. one friend gave an ultimatum - him or us. and after they said creepy ass things - like someone saying theyd follow me down the isle with a knife if i ever married him..and forcing me to move my locker in school bc theyd wait for me to harass me.. i wanted to chose him because they werent real friends (though i pulled a not-real-friend move too, but i'm human). but i told my bf, and he made the choice for me...and broke up with me saying i deserve my friends.
i am no longer friends with most of those girls, and i've made friends with people who accept that each other's happiness is important.
my best friend now is currently dating a guy i hooked up with. i was uneasy at first, but shes more important to me than he is. and so is her happiness. and i am over him TRUTHFULLY, unlike the girl that harassed me claimed to be.
it all depends on the situation. you can't generalize.
I guess it's just me and the incestuous, insular group of friends I've cultivated, but we've all dated each other's exes, mostly because those were the only girls/guys we knew, and it never caused any kind of problems.
I agree it's alittle un-classy. But its so fun when you go to a party with the ex's friend and make it a point to say OHHHH HHEYYY how are you.... to the ex. And then as the night progresses you make it a point to show your new found happiness to the entire room. The room knows its built up alittle but when the ex glares it brightens my heart, one of the best feelings in the world.
I really hope I never get into that situation (whether I'm the ex or the new girlfriend). But I highly doubt I will be since once a friend likes somebody or is dating somebody, the guy to me isn't a guy to me anymore. He's just there. I don't know if that made sense. I just can't be attracted to the person anymore. Even if I try (which I did one time). XDXD
amennnnnnnnnn.
It SO depends on factors if it's wrong to date a friends ex, you can't just say that it's always wrong no mater what.
If it was a very serious relationship then yeah it is wrong to date them, but if it was casual then not such a big deal. And if SHE is completely over him, she may not care. Sometimes it happens that you fall for a friends ex, that doesn't make either people bad.
And if you have SLUTTY friends like some of mine where in high school and just out, they dated TONS of guys, so that would have seriously left lots of guys "untouchable"
My friend has this thing where if I even AWKNOWLEDGE that a guy is attractive that she "had her eye on" she goes into a silent hissy fit. Doesn't talk to me for the rest of the day. It's ridiculous! I find a lot of guys attractive, and she shouldn't take it that seriously! I would never date someone she's interested in. These kind of situations are so stupid. Like, shit. Girls are petty.