Are there ever times you wish there was something slightly less direct than giving someone your phone number?
He said "Hello" to me at a bar. That was it. I knew nothing about him other than he had an charming Welsh accent, and that was (idiotically) enough for me to hand over my number. But for the next week he bombarded me with text messages, calls and voicemails. He wanted to take me on a date, but I barely knew him. Right then and there I regretted ever giving him my number.
This got me to thinking. In this tech savvy world, is it ever ok to withhold your number but give out your Facebook, Twitter, email or Myspace name in it's place? In my situation, I wanted to get to know him a little better before I dined with him. Something about seeing his Facebook profile and being able to control how much or little he could know about me would make me feel more at ease with eventually meeting up with him.
Have you ever told someone to friend you on Facebook or another social networking site before you gave them your number? Is that a dating faux pas?
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Comments (17)
That's not fair. You go out to dinner in order to get to know them better! That's what the first couple of dates are for. "Getting to know them better"! The internet is NOT a good place to get to know somebody better. It's way too easy to change one's persona into something different. Plus all the subtle inflections that one might add in conversation are completely nullified by the flat text of arial (or times new roman, or courier). And emoticons are just...a crutch, really
PS first.
damn i wanted to be first.
Oh for the love of God... Do you seriously believe that looking at someone's FB or MySpace profile will help you to know them better? How, may I ask? Will you be able to tell what kind of person he is by simply reading his status updates? If you think so then by all means, go for it.
Also I find it interesting how you got upset with the fact that he actually called the number you gave him and asked you out... Who would've thought, huh? I mean, if I get a phone number from someone, I just run it through my scanner and put in as my status update on FB...
If he rather you interact with him via internet then he must have some social problems or be a bad conversationalist, sighs big word. I agree with the first poster, a social networking site is a no-no for getting to know someone.
Well, my husband had my facebook before I gave him my number..It's a bit less personal than a phone number, I guess. As long as I don't have too much info displayed on FB. After I found out my husband's personality and interests a little more (by chatting), I gave him my number. I didn't give him my number first hand off because I've had my fair share of random dudes texting and calling and it does get creepy. -_-)... For most people, social networking would be considered not reliable, however, its rather stupid of that person to not notice anything fishy off the bat. Every word a person chooses to say reflects of their attitude, behavior, habits, etc.
For me, I would rather get to know a person through them telling me about themselves rather than me finding out information about them on facebook/myspace. I would rather they freely give me information about their interests and favorite things rather than me reading it off of myspace/facebook and coincidentally reading their wall posts/comments.
Whatever happened to the good old fashioned days of just getting to know each other by talking and spending time with each other?
It's better if you find out your common interests by speaking rather than on facebook I find. The first time excitement isn't there if you already know.
lol. i just imagined writing down your twitter on a napkin and nonchalantly handing it to someone. that'd be so funny. hahaha.
I don't mind giving out my myspace, twitter, deviantart, Xanga, and facebook addresses. Hell, I want people to look at those pages. The more the merrier!! I however, will not give out my email, at least not my personal email, Gmail ok. There are a few adult profile pages no one I know personally will ever see!! (god willing) My phone number is not given out to anyone but very close friends and family..I don't care how fine she may be.
I can understand being uncomfortable going out with a guy you don't know, and yeah, I'd give him my Facebook. We could talk there, get to know each other better, and he wouldn't be able to get in touch with me all day everyday, plus I could control what he learned about me.
I'd err on the side of safety. If something's telling you that you might not want to go out with a guy, don't.
Group dates. That's the way to go. "Hey, yeah, I'm hangin' out with some friends at _______ would you like to meet up?"
isn't going on a date getting to know someone better?
@LonerB@xanga - She's a cheap bottle blonde. Enough said.
i refuse to date a girl with a Twitter account.
I've done that. I feel like a phone number is too personal, especially since I use it so often. Where as facebook, or anything else, I put up what I want him to see, as well as checking to see how he is. You can tell a lot by the way he talks to certain people or reacts to certain things.
Good post! (:
you're definitely better off giving your facebook and limiting what he can see or do... worst comes to worst, you can always delete and block him... with the phone number, it's a hassle... imagine having to change your number and transferring your phonebook... imagine having to continuously block him because he keeps changing his number just so he could call/text you... lol... you get the point, at least on facebook, you get to choose whether you want to accept or reject his butt... and if you bump into him on the street and he asks "so why haven't you add me as friend yet?" at least you can response with "oh, i haven't used facebook for a while, i'll do that when i have time..." and if he knows you've lied, well, even better, then he should get the hint, unless he's dense...
but you know what, you're just better off telling him directly, no hints... either that, or say that you've met someone...
and to all the persistent callers/texters out there, if any: girls don't like it when you constantly bombard them with calls and messages... if you're currently doing this, stop... take it one step at a time... if she's not interested, then she's not interested...
I have DEFINITELY told a guy to find me on facebook instead of giving a number. Or sometimes when they don't ask they find me on facebook (I have a unique name so I'm easy to find). And I'm pretty cool with it. But if I'm really interested in the guy and he asks for a number I tend to be more flattered by it.
I fairly regularly give out my email address before my phone number. I'm kind of surprised this is a question. I remember I worked with this one girl who I really liked and I asked her for her email address. She practically ran to a piece of paper, scribbled it down, tore it off and handed it to me all in a few seconds. She didn't blink. She didn't think it was weird. Yes, I probably should have gotten her phone number because she was ready to go out on a date but that's just in hindsight; I had no idea at the time that she liked me in the same way.
@LonerB@xanga - I think looking at someone's blog or facebook does indeed help you to get to know them better. If they have actually bothered to fill out their FB profile you instantly have answers to all of the first date questions and answers to some questions most people forget to ask. I was just about to ask out this one girl I had gotten to know over the course of a month but decided to add her on facebook right before asking her out. What I found on her profile scared the bejusus out of me and I completely stopped flirting with her from that day forward.
I did. We exchanged e-mails and AIM screen names, so we could keep in touch that way. After about a week or so, we exchanged number. You can learn a lot about a person's character by the way they express themselves in words a lot better.