Wednesday, 14 October 2009
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"I Don't Know How To Live Without You"
It's time that I face the facts. We're two completely different people now and as much as I don't want to admit it, we're growing apart. Our relationship has been like this for a couple years now and though I still hold out hope, I just don't think it's going to work out anymore. I'm not that happy person I once was. I feel lonely, hurt, sad, distant because of you. It seems as though you show no sign that you love me or that you are still in love with me. I think we're at that point in our lives where we want different things and are headed in different directions. I suddenly feel like, I'm not the one for you anymore. I have my needs and I don't want to have to give it up because I'm afraid of being alone or that no one will ever be able to love me again like you did. It's time I put my fears aside and start thinking about me for a change. This does not mean I love you any less or that I don't care about you anymore, I just don't think that things are working out in our relationship and it would be selfish of me to lead you on.
I'm still so young and sometimes I wonder, isn't this what I'm supposed to be feeling like when I'm 35 or 40? I haven't even lived my life yet. I rushed into marriage and parenthood so soon. I never got to experience what a person my age should. Parties, clubbing, hanging out with friends. Instead, I traded all that in for a full-time job, being a mother, and trying to be a good wife. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret the decisions that I've made, but could I have waited a little longer? Yes, I could have. But I was so much in love with you and I felt like I didn't need to do all those things to finally figure out that you were the one for me. Because I knew you were. But as time goes by, things will eventually have to change. I just wish it was for the better. I think, I'm falling out of love...slowly. We have a beautiful daughter together and I would hate nothing more than to break up this family because of my feelings. But like I said, sometimes you need to think about your own happiness too. I'll always be there for her and I know you will always be there for her as well, together or not, it's the way it has to be. If I could have it any other way, trust me, I would. But I know you feel this way too. So, I know you won't disagree.
I wish I can rewind back to the days where we were crazy in love. I would run away to be with you at no cost and you would reassure me that someday our parents will accept our relationship. How you drove 3 hours from CT to my high school with a bouquet of flowers on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday. I want to rewind back to the day where you would take me to the "cliff" and serenade me with one of your love songs and would whisper in my ear that you're so happy you finally found the one. But we can't rewind time, we can only go forward. And now, you don't do any of those things anymore. You even forget to tell me you love me when I leave the house to go to work. You forget to call and tell me you miss me and that you can't wait to see me when I get home. You forget to hug me when we argue and when I start to cry. You forget...or do you?
All the memories we've shared and all the great moments we were lucky enough to experience are memories I will always keep close to me. These were the happiest moments in my life...in our life. You gave me a true blessing when you gave me my daughter. I thank you so much for her. I really can't thank you enough. Maybe we can change and go back to the way we once were. Do we have it in us to try? I know my insecurities are probably one of the main reasons why you hold back on me. I still can't forget the cheating. I'm sorry but to tell you the truth, I'm not so sure I'll ever get over it. Why? Because I can't understand why anyone would do that. You've been faithful ever since but apart of me still feels like you're still capable.
Honestly, I'm really scared. I don't know how to live without you. I don't know where to begin. But I have enough faith in me to know that I can do it. I don't want to depend on you for my happiness and security anymore. I want to know that I can do it alone and that you will still be there for me. I don't want this to end bitter and I don't want us to hate each other in the end. I still love you deeply and I'll always have that unconditional love for you, no matter what.
Have you ever felt you were becoming distant from your SO?
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- From: babixk1umzy@xanga
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Comments (54)
I've heard from Dr. Laura Schlesinger (hehe) that parents should always stay together for the kids (until they're adults) unless something like drug abuse is the issue. I kind of agree since there's a lot of research that has indicated that kids with divorced parents end up worse than kids with parents who are still together. She also said that parents should put aside their desire for a lover at least until the kids are older and won't subconsciously be emotionally damaged.
Once in a while I feel distant from my SO, only because of stress, him working 48-56 hours a week, and to help, when he can take the weekend off he will surprise me with something special to help us get closer together.
wow im afraid of the same things when i get married and all. this just gives me more reason to maybe to take things slow in my life. i think maybe you should have time apart before you completely break it off with your husband. I mean from what it sounds like you both were really inlove in the past. I think a little time apart should give you time to think things through
I've seen the signs. I wanted to bring it up to her, but she beat me to the punch. And now we're not together anymore. :(
I know what that's like.. when the guy just stops trying. In the relationships I've been in, it always seems to happen a lot sooner. He's crazy-head-over-heels in love with me, and then a month later he "forgets" about me. I'm starting to wonder if a guy that never stop loving (besides Jesus) even exists.
this was so endearing. i'm sorry your relationship turned out this way.
Other than being married and having a child, this is me right now. :(
I'm joining your club, I guess.
Have you thought about couples therapy?
and if all else, I can say I truly respect how genuine you are..it takes a lot of courage to admit what you said.
It sounds like the two of you were truly in love, something that can be reignited...but I'm not here to give you advice.
I want you to know, my mother divorced my father, who had cheated, and raised my two other sisters and I beautifully. You seem like a strong, capable woman. I hope the best for you.
im sorry, what? you're married, and NOW you want to start over again? it's a little selfish of you to want to take off right now, especially since you already have a kid. you should've thought of that before you went ahead. now you CAN'T just think about yourself. what about your kid? this is the most selfish post i've ever read. if you don't feel the same thing, get couples therapy and work things out. this is wrong on so many levels.
Don't give up yet.
Maybe you can give this to him? Stress that you want to try... that you really want to try, that things might not work out but you still want to try. Please don't give up. The feeling wears, but don't allow it to disappear. It must have been so hard for you when he cheated, I don't know how I would feel after something like that... but try, please. Your relationship can still be emotionally rewarding if you try, I'm sure-- you guys seemed to be really in love back in the day. Don't think that the feelings were false if you're not making the effort to keep them alive.
If you can't forgive him, if things don't work out, so be it. But please, before you quit try one more time.
Everything that has a beginning has an end. You'll get over it eventually.
Meh.
- Kunoichi
*sigh* sadly, yes. The love of my life and I were no longer a pair, and sadly, I had to pick up the pieces and move on. Sometimes saying goodbye is the hard way to say " i love you "
@laytexduckie@xanga - Same here buddy.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - I feel the same about someone, it's like they stop cold turkey. I can't fathom how they can do that. I can't. =\First and foremost your daughter should be your number 1 priority. After all, it wasnt her decision to be born...yet she will be greatly affected with your departure from your husband. I've always believed that everyone has a choice in life...regardless of what the situation is. You make your choice, and you stick to it, whether itd be a good one or bad one. I would suggest that if you do decide to part from your husband, that you do everything in your power to make sure that your little girl knows just how much you and your husband love her, and you never let her go astray.
Obviously we Xanga members dont know the severity of the situation or even heard your husbands side of the story, but whatever road you decide to go down, make sure you think things through...I think people fall out of love all the time, but it's up to the two involved to ignite that spark again. If you've sincerely talked to your husband, and things still havent changed...then ideally he probably doesnt see anything wrong, or he just doesnt care. You cant force someone to love you, but I still think there are alternatives to sparking that passion again.
Yes, and it got to a point where everything, intimacy, holding each other, felt so awkward because we were more like friends or roommates.
I have hope for you, no matter which way you go.
And I've seen horrible things happen to people that stay together just for the kids. You should stay in the relationship if you're happy. If you aren't, the kids won't be either.
@AznFier@xanga - Like what you said with@HollowTendencies@xanga, I don't know how they can just stop. Especially when they were the happiest before. :\
It's a shame that this happened, but you're right. Sometimes you do have to think of yourself. I hope you can work it out with your husband and still be able to fulfill your dreams.
@dearFLOPPY@xanga - She didn't say anything about "taking off". She just said if that's what it comes to, she could handle it. People can't always help how things turn out. She's just writing how she feels. And there's nothing wrong with that. She's obviously searching for other options then just leaving. =)
And for the poster..try therapy. That's what helps a lot of people who feel this way. Your marriage can still be saved. Don't give up!
The only way I would ever leave my boyfriend/or spouse would be because of infedelity. If your husband cheated on you, i can see why you can't trust him or be happy. I mean, I would say it is wrong because you feel "out-of-love" and want to leave your husband only beccause of that---but he cheated on you AND you have daughter. I guess I can kind of understand what a difficult decision it is. Without your daughter around it would be easy to just pack up your stuff and Ieave. I also saw some of the other comments and they suggested couples therapy. The therapy might help things work out...wouldn't hurt to try.
@gatorgirl54@xanga - I mostly agree with your point. I know kids that were very well behaved. Once their parents got divorced, the kids started doing drugs and is delinquent. However, I do know others who turn out quite well. I think children who are of divorced parents find something to cling to get by. I know of someone who used video games and MAGIC the card game to get through their parents' divorce. At least, that's how I perceive it. My general rule though: If my boyfriend or husband cheats on ME, I will leave him in a hotsecond---no questions asked. Once a cheater, always a cheater (I speak from experience of being the one cheated on).
:( wow this is heavy ><
99.99% of cheaters remain cheaters
couples therapy is always an option though, he might be one of the 0.01% after all
x
I'm sorry that you're going through this. It may be a dumb question, but have you tried talking to your husband, stating your problems?
exactly the situation i am now :(
I truly sympathize your situation - falling out of love with the father of your child has to be one of the most difficult challenges one would ever have to face. But if your marriage begins feeling more as a trap rather than a union, then your vows are no longer true and it is time to let go. The transition will be difficult on your family - there is no doubt about that. But, in time, your daughter will learn to understand and respect you for making the decision as I did when my mother divorced my father.
However, when one falls out of love, there is still the possibility of falling back in. So until you feel there is nothing left...
Have hope.
BEST of luck to you!
@HollowTendencies@xanga -Ahhhh, I have been thinking exactly the same thing!