Wednesday, 14 October 2009
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The Two Percent Club
I attend West Point, an institution famous around the world for the military and political leaders it has produced and infamous among the cadets there who view it as a relationship destroyer.
At West Point, few long-distance relationships make it through the four years a cadet trains (and studies) to become a military officer and earn their undergraduate degree. In fact, it's a popular theory among students that only two percent of those who have a significant other when entering the Academy are still dating (or are engaged to) the same person when they graduate.
Several factors play into this that aren't seen at other colleges: the sheer time commitment of being a cadet, the lack of privileges to go home on weekends, and the fact that cadets aren't allowed to marry until they graduate are just a few of the obstacles couples will face.
And yet, with all the drawbacks, is a long-distance relationship less likely to survive four years here than at another school (even for a couple going to schools in the same state)?
If your significant other told you they were going to a different college (or working in a different city) several hours away, would you stick with them?
What if they told you they were going to attend a military academy for four years and you would hardly see them outside the summer and holiday season?
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- From: lightandfaith@xanga
- Name: Charles
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Comments (32)
I would probably say let's break up. It's not actually the issue of long distance relationships. I think that those do work. I am just adverse to entering college with a bf/gf because you change so much within those four years, especially in your first year. You meet new people, you're forced to confront your beliefs...I just don't think it's a good idea to go to college attached to someone especially if you're not even going to the same place.
Yes and yes.
If both parties are willing to work and make their relationship work, it will work regardless if they are two miles apart or another country away. It just depends if they want to put in the work. That's all.
Well. my husband is in the military and our first year of marriage I only saw him four months out of that. And it wasn't even four months all together. We survived. :) It's doable but it takes an insane amount of commitment that probably most dating relationships don't have right out of high school.
Congrats on being a cadet at West Point. :) That is very cool!
I can handle long-distance, but it depends on the relationship. Sometimes some relationships just can't handle the distance.
If I hadn't dated him for at least a year or so before, I'd probably break up the relationship.
My bf just moved almost 3 hours away for a job, and it'll be an adjustment, but we're staying together. Eventually, sooner or later, we'll be together again. There's a lot of factors that go into a relationship. You can't just automatically quit because you won't be together.
Also as @XxFireXboltxX@xangasaid, you have to take into account that these relationship are fresh our of highschool. In the general population, how many relationships of 17/18 year olds last 4 years - regardless of college? I don't think distance has anything to do with it.
My boyfriend and I live in completely different countries and will for the next few years. We've been together 11 months, and plan to eventually get engaged.
Honestly...depends on the couple.
My friend Ben joined the Marines and he left for boot camp around late July this year. I've known him since I was 12 (19 now), and we've been best friends for years. We even kept in touch despite the fact that I moved from New Jersey to California 3 years ago, and he even took the time out to visit me once! I really miss him but I've heard virtually nothing from him and probably won't until he's done with boot camp. It's hard enough keeping in touch with friends, let alone having a romantic relationship with somebody when you're far away and busy.
A long distance relationship can be incredibly romantic. The letters, cards, gifts, calls and momentos. Then there are the so very special times when you are together. While you are apart you can concentrate on your own stuff, like studying and getting a career. It only really gets rocky if there are other people that take one of the couple's interest and they are closer than the official GF/BF. But it's up to you - what do you want?
i'd try my hardest to keep in touch and keep it working. if it didn't work out though, you just have to let it go.
yes
My husband is a West Point 07 graduate, we met last year. I think that is the perfect time in our case...it's hard enough on both of us with him away in Iraq for a year! I only have 6 mos more to go until I see my love again, and we Skype/AIM everyday without fail, which helps a lot. Im not saying Id leave him if I couldnt keep contact with him daily...no way. Im just saying it would be very hard to maintain that level of intimacy that we have now.
I probably wouldn't stick around. Although I think I can handle a long-distance relationship, that's just too much distance. And if it was a military academy, I definitely wouldn't stick around because there aren't any that are even remotely close to where I live.
I'd stick. I might not be as happy as I could be, but I could do it. I've had to go through two periods of six weeks where I couldn't see him/be guaranteed to talk to him this year. After the first week or two, it gets easier. Not much, but some.
it's killing me, but i'm making it.
it's so weird, it's like all of a sudden now that i'm in a long distance relationship i'm seeing the issue come up everywhere!
tough question. Gotta admit though, military boys are certainly yummy.
When my boyfriend told me he made his decision to go to UC Berekely for his PhD. after graduating from Penn State, I wanted to cry. We talked about it for hours and decided we want to make our relationship work. We accepted the fact that it would be difficult and thought it was a rational decision to stay together. We also knew that we won't be able to see each other apart from college breaks and summers. I don't think LDRs are for everyone, though. You have to be able to trust your SO and know they are commited to you and ONLY you. We write each other letters from time to time and make use of pix messaging each other about what we're doing. I guess it's not as difficult for me because my boyfriend and I were off and on long distance for the first two years together. But like I said, LDRs are not fore veryone and it is EXTREMELY hard sometimes to deal. If you can do it, then power to you =)
@creativearts2009@xanga - totally agree =)
yes and yes.
im actually dating a cadet right now. he's a yuk this year and i guess it depends on the girl. she should really know what she's getting herself into when going out with a cadet cause i have to say it IS really hard not being able to see eachother as much as you want and not being able to do all the "couple stuff" you want to do. im not saying its impossible for things to work out but both parties need to put in alil more effort then a regular relationship when one of them is attending WP or any other military academy. and the girl has to understand that he may not have the time to talk all the time which i admit is something i still have to work on. i still have those momments where i get frustrated but i do have to say he's more insecure than i am when it comes to the distance. which i understand. he says, "you have a whole sea of dudes i have to worry about. nothing can happen here at school" its slim pickings when it comes to women there or so ive heard. so yea just have faith in the girl you pick. whatever's meant to be will be =] good luck to you and yours.
woooah this is a long comment
i don't know if i can handle LDR. i've only done it once with my ex, and we were beyond stable. i don't think i could do it with my SO though. i'd rather be beside him.
My brother went to the Air Force Academy, which is the exact same thing, just for the Air Force. Â He has dated the same girl since eighth grade. Â After he graduated they married. Â It's possible, just really hard.
I have to say, going from a high school setting relationship to a military relationship would have been really difficult. I am very happy that I did not start dating my boyfriend until after he had finished his initial Indoc and boot camp. Since then, so far, so good! It really depends on the people and how well they manage to adapt to the change. It can be hard to carry any relationship into college, but it makes it especially hard to carry a relationship into a military academy! I believe it can be done, though!
my boy is joining the marines and he'll be gone for the better part of 5 years, including deployments. lucky for me, he's waiting a while to go back and now we have plenty of time to make our relationship as strong as possible before putting this massive stress on it. and we're going to try our hardest to stay together, even though it is a considerably long time to wait.
Nope. I'd break it off. Just because I know me... and have had friends/family in that situation... in the Air Force Academy, Marines, National Guard, Army, Navy... that relationship would have to be AIR TIGHT before all of that... and the one being "left behind" would have to be a ROCK and not a selfish bone in their entire body.The military LDR sounds AMAZING when you think of it as hollywood portrays it... but your man/woman isnt going to have that time to dedicate to all of that cute shit that you think they will.
But I will admit that I have broken up a relationship like that before. It makes me a douche and I know. But women who's men are going career military are easy pickings for art-fags such as myself. I think a liberal hippy artist is probably polar opposite to anyone in the armed forces. A lot of it has less to do with them being sluts or lying cheaters but being lonely and watching to lash out about your absence. An Amy Winehouse song "I heard love was blind" sums it up nicely. But in consolation.. I looked over my shoulder for almost a year after that.. because marines are fucking crazy.
i'm a 2%er. so far. i'm a yougster for Annapolis. (sophomore). we'll see how far we get. i'm actually pretty optimistic about our chances. :)
there's another little 'Academy theory' that's popular. the four years you have at the Academy are broken into thirds. The first third being Plebe Summer or Beast, the summer before your Plebe (freshman) year where you go through a bootcamp-esque process of training for about 2 months. The second third being Plebe Year (freshman year). And the third being the rest of your years at the Academy. The reason why the four years at the academy are broken up into thirds is because during Plebe Summer or Beast you are allowed 3 opportunities to contact your loved ones throughout that 2 month long process for 2 minutes each. So when you're trying to divide up 6 minutes of talking time total amongst your SO and your parents and friends, it gets kinda tough. So essentially you go an entire summer without even hearing their voice. You can receive and send letters but it's very difficult to actually find the time to sit down and write letters because of the intensity and demands of Plebe Summer. (You literally get 30 minutes of personal time every night. Which usually is spent taking a shower. So it's kind of hard to get around to writing a decent letter -_-). Plebe Year itself is quite demanding as well because, although you're no longer in a boot camp style environment, you are severely restricted as an individual. Upper class can harass and haze you as they wish (kind of like being a pledge in a frat. but you get even less privileges). You have specific hours when you can use your cell phone. You can't use FaceBook or any other social networking sites (seriously). You have an ENFORCED bedtime at 11 PM (seriously). Your life is so restricted that it's difficult to find time to actually talk to your SO. And that's on top of having a typical course load of an engineering college freshman. -_-;; And then there's the rest of the time at the Academy, which is pretty demanding as well, but isn't as restricted as the previous thirds.
So, once you get through the first two thirds with your SO, it's like you're 2/3s done. It doesn't get easier to maintain the relationship, but it definitely gets easier to talk to them. Again, we'll see, but I'm optimistic for our chances. :) If you read this, I love you Aubrey.
- ahn
anything can work if you put your mind to it and if both people in the relationship are committed to making it work. understanding the rules/ choices that are being made and that life is difficult within the academy/ the point. it is difficult for both involved. once understanding these things, if you and your SO want to continue then it is worth it.
i work 5 days a week 820-520ish in nyc and my gf is 4 hours away in college. we were best friends and then after making a dinner together over the summer we got together. our biggest issue was the distance, how were we going to make it work. it was very interesting because the day after we got together she had to leave me and head to another friends place as per her plan from the start and we didnt want to break that for her. i had a wedding to go to, and we talked throughout everything. i got back from the wedding and that weekend, i went to see her at her house well north of her college. we figured it could work and decided to make it work. im not saying it is easy at all... in fact it kinda sucks (distance) but other then that, i see her via ichat vid almost every night for long periods and we go no more then two weeks without seeing each other. there is a high level of trust between us and no secrets. we are making it work!