My cousin asked a question the other day about whether or not girls really want a good guy or a bad guy. Things went from that to being stuck in the friend zone as a good guy when a girl tells you you're nice, but she doesn't like you like that. For every good guy this is the kiss of death. You know it's a done deal when a girl tells you that line, no matter what you do.
I have always wondered if being friends with a girl first before trying to go to the next level will ever work. In my own experience it has NEVER worked out because I'll have serious feelings for the girl but she won't even be close to feeling the same way I do about her. Even a girl who went to college with me said that men and women can't be friends because one of them will develop feelings beyond friendship for the other person.
On the other hand another girl I know said that it's better to be friends with a girl first before dating her. I don't agree with that because I think that it's too risky and most likely won't work.
Any thoughts? I'd especially like to hear from any ladies about this
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I would definitely like to hear some replies too. I find friend zones never work out. Even if the girl has a bit of lust towards you, it will never go past something minor because she won't want to lose the friendship. But then again if you only go "for the kill" AKA ask her out and then peace out when she turns you down, there is no chance that you will ever get with her really, but if you're her friend maybe one day. I dunno, I wish shit was just simple.. lol
Okay, I think that if you want to date the girl - don't plan on being friends with her first and then hope to become her boyfriend.
If you want to be that girl's friend, be her friend. But don't expect to become her boyfriend.
I think both of girls are correct. When a guy is stuck in the friends zone, it's hard for him to come out of it. But if you guys are both JUST friends and chill like friends - and you treat her like you treat any of your other friends - I think it has a different effect.
Being just friends, allows the girl to feel comfortable around you. Sometimes being comfortable and having familiarity grows into a unexpected attraction.
I can't explain exactly... but that's all I got for now
Eh don't really matter friendship first or not. Feelings just happen. When they do happen, you should probably start showing some of your feelings towards that person and maybe they will return such feelings. If not, at least you didn't lie to yourself and went for the truth.
From personal experience, I would say be her friend first. I have actually ended up falling for a lot of guys that I was initially friends with. I always find it awkward when guys I just meet try to hit on me and ask me out. I would much rather get to know them as a friend first before I considered dating them. But that is just how I am. All girls are different so you really can't get just one definitive answer on this question.
It's different for every relationship, I'd have to say. My boyfriend and I were really close friends before we started to date. Like @lil_KyungMin@xanga - said, feelings just happen.
I'm not sure why people are trying to find these universal laws that rule over every relationship here.
As with 92% of every question on this datingish site....the answer is IT DEPENDS. Some people prefer being friends first....some people don't. If you're asking if it can ever work like that....of course. You MUST know of some couples that started out as friends....and if you don't well, from my experience, the ones that start out as friends tend to have longer and richer relationships in the long term.
I have only gone out with guys that I have been friends with first. Some guy I didn't know that well asked me out last week, and I had to decline. Even if I was not in a committed relationship, I still would have said no because I didn't know him well enough.
And with nice guys/bad boys...I have said this, and I will say it again...the majority of guys do not fall into either one of these categories. A super nice guy is just a pussy to me, to be quite frank. And a bad boy is just an asshole. My boyfriend now is a nice guy, but he doesn't let me walk all over him. We can each respectfully have our own opinions and can respectfully disagree. He's not desperate, he's not weak, but he's also not afraid to talk about his feelings if something is bothering him. I think every guy needs to find a good middle ground. I have rarely known a "pure" nice guy or a "pure" bad boy.
My first relationship was with my best friend of 5 months, and that lasted 3 years. My second relationship was with a guy I knew for a week, and we dated 3 weeks until I realized he was two-timing me. Then again, the first relationship was emotionally abusive.
Still, I'd say I'd rather get a good idea of what a guy is like with his friends before dating him.
I love flings with "bad boys," though. It's exciting even though I know in no way does he mean me well. I go into those flings expecting it to end soon, but to enjoy the thrill.
I want a nice guy.
Every relationship that I've been in has started out as friends, the first few only lasted a couple of months. But my most recent one lasted four and a half years. I guess it just depends, everyone's different.
I fell in love with my best friend. And, of course, the relationship failed (he cheated on me... multiple times), but we were together for almost 3 years. Now, I may be in the minority, but personally I don't want to date somebody I couldn't call a friend. I like to feel as though a guy wants to know me and be close to me because he likes me as a person and not simply because I'm dating material. And I'd like to know that the guy may be interested in keeping me around as a friend if a relationship just is not in the cards.
You can't always help who you are attracted to. However, my two longest and most involved relationships were with guys I developed close friendships with first.
Well, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, and we were in the 'friend zone' I guess, for about a year and a half before that. He was the best person I could have ever asked for, and for a while, I just didn't see him in the same light that I do now.
When we were friends, he never gave up. He knew he was my best friend, and I had told him more than once that we shouldn't get together, but after a while, things just happened. I developed feelings for him, and while I was afraid of ruining the friendship, I was willing to take the risk. You have to make a girl realize that you would be the best thing for her if you guys got together, and even if she's afraid, she might start to realize that while your friendship is great, a real relationship would be even better. I think if you communicate openly about everything, it makes it a lot easier to make that transition, and imagine what it might be like if things didn't work out as well as you wanted them to. I don't know, every person is different, but I do think it is possible to get out of that 'friend zone' if you really really want to. It takes A LOT of effort though, not gonna lie, and some guys just aren't willing to put that much work into it. Especially because you never know what could happen. Maybe you will break up and things won't be the way they used to be, but I don't know...if it's right at the time, then see where things take you.ok...not true at all.... You cant apply that to every case. I for one prefer to be friends with a guy before dating them. I get to know who they are as a person and Then wether or not I would want to date them. I have a friend, Chase. He is so great with me and I love him to death, when I look at his personality I always think, I would definitely go out with him if he asked were so great together. Then I see how he treats his girls... He never sticks with one long and isn't exactly what I would call prince charming, they come and go... not good for a relationship. Knowing this I don't think would ever want to be with him. Then there's my friend Danny, he is my one trusted confidant and my best friend on this planet. We've been this way for a few years and never once has either of us had feelings for each other. He tells me everything... and i him... and I mean EVERYTHING.... We love and care for each other but would never work in a relationship. Its a brother sister bond and it would never stray past that.... But there do come the times when You enter into a friendship with feelings for a person... Been there. I prefer this actually, Because of the same reason stated earlier. But sometimes its not always going to work out. Either make your intentions clear or not from the start.. if they don't feel the same then just become friends that way you don't find yourself feeling frustrated.
Oh and by the way.... I love a good guy.... But I need him to be confident, independent and in charge. But he needs to love me. In other words I want a guy to love me but to also keep his independence and me mine until we know for certain... (i.e marriage... later life) I don't like clingy guys.... Its hard to get this combo... so girls end up just going for independent confident guys (who don't have the other portion required) and then they get there hearts hurt. I Don't think its a "bad boy" thing I think its more a "hes not ready for what she is" thing. Girls just don't read what is in front of them properly most of the time. Then you get this.... "good boy.." bad boy" thing... lol Take care I hope you find your girl. :)
I was friends with my ex for about a year and a half before we were together. And there was a time where he wanted to be with me but I just saw him as a friend. But feelings change.
I actually prefer to be friends with someone first. A boyfriend has to be a friend, too. (at least for me)
It differs from girl to girl.
But for the most part, I'm sure a friends-first approach is always the safer and preferred way. However, taking a risk can pay out pretty well.
In essence, though -- it totally boils down to how attractive you are. Girls don't like admitting this, but really, looks are one of the most important factors in a relationship (usually). If your looks are good, you'll pass the initial stage. Then comes your personality. Oh jesus, women want so many things that it's impossible to list them all, but main ones are wit, humour, smile, job, car, cool, mysterious, possessive blah blah blah. Thennnn it'll be all the other shit that comes after it.
I'd rather be friends first.
A guy who has feelings for a girl should NEVER put himself in the 'friend zone' regardless if he was friends with her in the beggining or not. Screw the womens advice about being friends first, that's from a woman's point of view, and they want to be safe before getting to know a guy.
If a guy likes a girl, he should treat her special, like a girlfriend. Period. And have the balls/honour/gentlemenliness to respect her and the relationship. :)
friends first
it matters on the girl. i'd rather be friends with someone first because then you become comfortable on a level that you dont have byj ust jumping straight into dating. but others would think differently i suppose
I think it all comes down to a mutual understanding. Like if you and your guy friend know that you are not attracted to each other and things will stay platonic. But if one of you think that the other is attractive, then I don't think it will work as a mutual platonic thing.
@wizexel22@xanga - Exactly!! Do people not realize that there is not a set pattern of behavior for developing a good relationship?
For me, I'd like to be friends first. It makes me be able to trust him better if I know him as a friend first.
beyond the friend zone works for me
I've never dated a guy that i wasn't friends with first! Dont think I ever will!
i don't do the friends thing...i've never been friends with my boyfriends, before or after. then there's no friendship to worry about ruining. never had to worry about it. i have no desire in the future to make friends with a guy before i date. it's just not my style. if i want to date a guy, i know almost immediately. and once i know i'm attracted to him, i find a way to let him know, and he either feels the same and we get together, or he doesn't and we don't. i guess for me all the apsects of a person don't need to be known, so long as there is enough chemistry. i can find out all i need to know when i'm dating the guy.
for me being friends first if you already know you like someone is a waste of time...not to be confused with the situation where you were ALREADY friends and then developed feelings.
idk i'm rambling...
Feelings just happens, but the thing is if you are close with your opposite sex, the best thing to do is keep it that way if you don't want to lose a good friend if things don't work out. Its a bit hard to be good friends with your opposite sex without developing feelings one way or another.