Tuesday, 13 October 2009
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"Guys Like Girls Who Act Like Bitches"
A good friend of mine once said to me, "If you want a guy to like you and continue to stay, act like a bitch. Guys like girls who are bitches." She, of course, was referring to herself. And she wasn't wrong. I have lots of girlfriends who treat their men like crap and their men stay, following them around like dogs. Now, these aren't men who lack anything; they're good looking, education, funny, charming, and the list goes on.When she asked me to reevaluate all my past relationships, I felt stupid. Our conversation went something like this:
Friend: So what went wrong?
Me: Well, when I realized he was a jerk, I walked away.
Friend: Was he always a jerk?
Me: No.
Friend: When did you first notice he was a jerk?
Me: The first time we got into an disagreement.
Friend: By disagreement, you mean?
Me: He did something to piss me off. For example, he said we were going to go eat and then he didn't show up and totally forgot to call me until three hours later. And he didn't even call me, he just texted.
Friend: And what did you do?
Me: We had a dispute and I got tired of arguing with him that I just told him it was no big deal.
Friend: Was it a big deal?
Me: Yeah.
Friend: Did ever he apologize?
Me: Not really. We just moved on.
Friend: And the next time he did something wrong, what did you do? Did you tell him you were upset?
Me: Of course.
Friend: How long did you remain upset for?
Me: I don't know, long enough.
Friend: Did you treat him like shit? Didn't answer his phone calls? Didn't text back? Refused to hang out with him? Did you make it clear you were upset?
Me: Well, no.
Friend: So naturally, he did something wrong, you told him you were upset but didn't act like it?
Me: I guess you could say that. I mean, I was upset and he knew it.
Friend: Knowing it and acknowledging it are two different things. If a guy knows he can get away with things, he'll always do it. That's where you go wrong with your arguments. You naturally just let him win by not treating him like shit. What you need to do is the next time a guy does something stupid that pisses you off, act like a bitch. Swear if you have to. Make a scene. Because you know what? Guys like that. It's all a mind game. If you forgive them so easily, they don't care if you're upset because they know they won't be in a the doghouse.And then it hit me. She was right about me. Every time Mack and I got into an argument, he knew I was pissed off but I just held it in, didn't say anything more than that I was upset. And the last guy I was with who didn't save me as a Facebook friend. It pissed me off that he didn't save me as a friend but he was willing to save a total stranger but did I say anything about it? No, I just let it slide.
And that's just the thing, I'll always be that girl. And I think this goes back to how I grew up; my mother physically and emotionally abused me and even to this day, I pretend that we have a good relationship, but we don't. I've never said to her what I really fell which is hatred; I've always held it in. I'd rather pretend that my world is perfect, even when it's not. And that's what I do with all my relationship; the guy lets me down and I forgive him over and over again until it doesn't even phase him that I'm slowly loathing him for not really caring about me.
It's a cliche to say this but nice guys and girls will always finish last because the truth is everyone loves a bitch and an asshole more than they love a nice guy or girl.
Do you agree?
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- From: TheUglyTruth
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Comments (118)
no, i completely disagree.
guys aren't as shallow as we make them out to be. no guy i know, really, none of them, would date a girl who was a bitch no matter how good looking she is.
Absolutely not. I cannot stand that kind of behavior. It is childish and immature and I don't stay with girls that are like that. And, if a dude knows your upset and doesn't care, he's probably a bad person to be with. : /
It's about honesty. If you feel something, you talk about it. Holding shit in doesn't make you nice. And expressing your feelings doesn't make you a bitch. Guys don't like girls for being bitches. Relationships just work out when people are open.
I don't think you have to act like a B****, you just have to not hold it in and tell a guy the truth and how you're feeling.
no..idk. you dont wanna be mean, you believe in forgiveness and think that theyll learn blah blah blah. but shes right. i had this convo with my firend the other day after i got whored up by some guy. You know what he told me? Stand up for yourself, if youll let a guy theyll walk all over you. I can name countless times where ive treated men like i dont care & let them have it after theyve did something shitty to me, idk why but they always came back. I never wanted a guy I liked to think I was a bitch that why i didnt act like one. I wanted to keep it at an even pace you know?
Trust me..that guy who whored me up, ill get him lol. I let the other guys slide but not this one. Im slowly planning revenge haha
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - Ditto<3 Follow the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
Definitely don't agree. I believe whatever you put into a relationship is what you will get out of it. I could never act that way toward my husband. It's wrong to treat someone you care about that way, plus my husband wouldn't put up with it. I prefer treating my husband like he is the king of the world. We rarely fight and our relationship is amazing. Nice guys and girls definitely do not finish last!
@XxFireXboltxX@xanga - can i just say i love reading your replies about how devoted you are to your husband? more people need to be like that, marriages can't work without devotion and sacrifice.
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - Yeah, same here.
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - Awww...thank you! That seriously made my day! :)
@XxFireXboltxX@xanga - glad i could do that for ya :)
guys want what they can't get
and if the girl is a bitch at the RIGHT time then of course the guy will stay and in fact apologize!
I am a bitch. I know i can be harsh to my boyfriend when he does something. But in the end he'll apologize and be kinda sad about it. I feel kinda bad in the end at times, but i had to get my point across! It was necessary!
Sometimes you can get carried away and you'll treat the guy like shit like it's nothing. Like it's normal....that's when you've gone too far and the guy should leave. Either you're too bitchy or you're a pussy, it's hard to be in between.
this really depends on the individual person. I mean, that's the same as saying all girls like guys who are players and treat them like dirt.
Although, I will agree with you that it seems that way depending on who you're talking to because I've encounter numerous girls who are bitches and acts that way because it attracts that specific type of guys they like who likes them back. Also, if a nice girl can't attract or keep a guy being nice and sees her friend getting guys and keep them while being a total bitch, they may adapt that behavior to try it out and if it works, they keep that behavior. So it's basically a monkey see, monkey do...I think "nice" is such a terrible description word for someone. I mean, I'm don't tolerate assholes at all. I am actually looking for a "nice" boy, but there is such a thing as being too nice to the point where you come off clingy or are too afraid to be "mean" that you lack personality.
I think what your friend talked about was right. But I dont think you put it into right terms.
Scenario: Boy and I argue, just like any other couple. It's actually gotten to the point where one of us would say "let's take a break". I've noticed that whenever he mentions something along that line, and I get sad and cry, he would always push it. I think he wants to test me and see how far he can push me. Which is understandable seeing as how I do the same. Then when we argue over nonsense and the "break" topic is slowly creeping around the corner, I say "fine. fuck it. I know I didn't do anything wrong this time, so if you want to go leave go right ahead because I know there are plenty of other fishes in the sea". and guess who changes his mind?
It is true. Guys want what they can't have. They will test you to see what they can get away with. But it's not just guys. Girls do it too, but some just don't know their limits. Leave the unneccessary things like this out of a relationship. It's really going to get nowhere if honesty doesn't come into play
Treat others how you want to be treated. And I've always lived by "honesty is the best policy", and now Boy and I don't argue as much anymore because if we're upset, we come out with it and talk about it. rather than keeping it in
hrm, i'm under the assumption that guys like a different connotation of bitch.
What the fuck? Seriously, what is up with your friend. I do not agree with that all.
Who would wanna be with a bitch anyways?
Sometimes you HAVE to be a bitch. When my boyfriend smoked pot behind my back, I wasn't all "Oh, you hurt my feelings, but it's okay, You messed up, we all do that". Hell no. I threw a freaking FIT. Why? Because guys aren't sensitive like we are. We know when we mess up, and usually we know what degree we messed up to. But guys? Him doing that (it was only such a big deal because I hate drugs and he promised he quit) was about the same as him dropping a glass in a restaurant and accidentally shattering it- a little embarrassing, but no big deal. To him at least. To me, that was like running over a puppy on purpose. You don't do that shit and get away with a slap on the wrists. We had only been together a month or so, but he knew that he wanted things to last so he was basically on his knees apologizing (on the verge of tears.) for a good four hours. Since then, he's only messed up big one other time- that's two real arguments in 17 months. If I had let him off easy the first time, I don't doubt that things would have continued on with him continually messing up and not feeling that bad about it.
I dont think its about being a bitch or an asshole. Its mostly about letting the other person know what your needs are and if they are being met. If you feel someone is doing you wrong then of course you should let them know cause in the end thats the only way itll get fixed.(meaning the problem.) Now as to the nice guy/girl thing. I dont see myself ever being with someone that treats me like dirt. So nice guys are first on my list. (=
HAHA. Not a chance. If any women acts like a bitch to me, I'll say to their face they are a stuck up bitch and say something along the lines of their personality belongs to someone working on a street corner.
Maybe it's just the guy as much as it is the girl. Get someone that isn't like that and you won't have to be a bitch to him. Keep running with the same type of guys and you'll have to be manipulative like that.
It seems to me like people put so much effort into trying to play these games to get back at each other, they completely forget the concept of talking things out and how simple it is.
If I acted like a bitch my boyfriend would just leave me.
@chayswag@xanga - i guess i hadn't considered that. if my boyfriend started doing something i didn't like, especially if i had specifically asked him not to, i'd probably go into bitch mode.
This is extreme and stupid. All it amounts to is being honest about what you feel. If it pisses you off when he doesn't call, tell him that. If it hurts when he does something, you tell him.
You have to be assertive about how you feel, otherwise you get treated like a doormat. That's just how it works.