My whole life, I have heard to save yourself for marriage because of religious beliefs. Me, on the other hand, am not a very religious person and believes a person's choice is his or her choice. (Who am I to judge?)
I have been hearing many things about "revirginization" where women claim themselves to be virgins again after, obviously, having sex before marriage through spiritual prayer, abstinence or both until he or she is married.
After having my daughter, I had been thinking about this a lot lately. Back in the day, I would have said, "Whatever! Too late now!!", but now that I am in the shoes of a non-virgin, it's a whole different perspective. I came to believe that I should have waited for the man of my dreams (if he's out there) rather than spur of the moment fun. Marriage has more meaning to me now than it did back then.
So, I have decided to try this "revirginization" thing. Why you ask? Well, because:
1) I want to set a positive example for my daughter. Yes, I made some naive mistakes and she may also, but second chances can always be given. (Sometimes...)
2) I want guys to like me for who I am. Not just because I seem like an "easy target", have a nice butt or my favorite, he thinks I'm a MILF. **Sarcasm** I don't know how many guys who have approached me in such a negative way after I had my daughter because they think I'm just some girl they can have a good time with. (I know there are plenty of good guys out there also!!)
3) It's something I want to do for myself out of respect for my body and mind.
So what do you think about revirginization? Is it possible? Is it just a waste of time? Would you ever try or have done this?
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Comments (116)
I don't really think revirginization makes any sense. Once you lose it, you lose it. I think it's great you've decided to wait until you find the one to have sex again though. I'm trying to do that as well. It is important to respect your body and does set a great example for your daughter.
The whole thing about revirginization is stupid. If you don't want to do it, you don't want to do it. You don't have to name yourself a re-virgin so guys can take you seriously.
I don't believe you can "reclaim" your virginity, but there is no reason why you should feel like you're easy to get just because you've already lost your virginity and have a child. (: It's called having respect for one's self.
I've decided to do this. For me, it was a religious decision, but I'm glad to see it happen in general.
I can see the posts already, "You had sex, you can't be a virgin again.
Virginity is never being penetrated so this whole concept is stupid"
BLAH BLAH.
Call it what you will, revirginization. It's just a name, not to be
taken literally. It's the concept it represents, that you've regretted
having sex and are choosing to be pure and clean until you get married.
Maybe it is impossible to get virginity back, but it's not impossible
to decide to start over fresh.
I'm happy for you. :) Waiting for the perfect, life long partner to
share that with is very special and shows a lot of self-worth, self
control, and appreciation of marriage. I think it's so worth it and
it'll make everything that much more amazing.
Not cutting down on people who don't save it, I mean, obviously I
didn't at first either. Doesn't mean you don't have self-worth or any
of those other things I listed. But this way works for some people, and
I admire it and am glad I'm in company. =)
If you feel it's the right thing for you, go ahead and do it (I still don't quite understand what this is though); however, I don't see why having had sex makes you a negative example for your child. Shouldn't being a kind, decent, and compassionate human being be example enough?
if you're a born again virgin then you won't have sex with these guys that you meet, so if you decide to have a relationship without sex as the main factor until marriage, then it can be revirginization. however, it doesn't look quite realistic to most single guys, who don't have kids.
Virginity is a one time thing to me. I waited until I found someone I really loved and we are still together. It's just weird to me that you want to have your virginity and lose it again because in my opinion, you can really only lose it once. Now, not to say once you lose it, go be a whore. You can still have morals. And if you choose to be abstinent until you get married again, that's a good idea if it's what you want.
its just a waste of everything, you cant change the fact in the first place. your body knows that youre no longer a virgin.
unless you are a Hindu. you can be a virgin in the next life. and the next
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - Yeah, I agree.
Well, I'd say your official virginity is gone, but I know I didn't have sex for a long time and considered myself to be almost pure again after I had lost it a long time beforehand. And when I got married and had sex again, it was like it was totally new again to me. Of course, the physical part of losing my virginity was gone, but the emotional and spiritual part of it seemed renewed. I never called myself a virgin or had heard of this revirginization stuff, but I can see why one would try it, since I did in a way.
Waste of time. It's a way for people to lie to themselves in order to make themselves feel better.
Well i dont think you can re-instate the virgin title once its been lost. Yeah i wish i saved mine for someone truly special to me..
@MsKittyCatty@xanga - I second that. =)
You can regain respect and forgive yourself for a mistake, and that's great. But you can't call yourself a virgin.
@Kate - Calling not having sex "choosing to be pure and clean" is such a load of crap. Its that kind of language that perpetuates the feelings of guilt many women experience once they've lost their virginity, regardless of the circumstance. So what does that imply: sex is dirty and impure? Can we not choose non-judgmental, neutral language?
As far as decision posted about: Good for you; regardless of what you choose to call it :) Committing to change a behavior you see as causing disrespect, or working to better yourself and your example for you child is very admirable. Good luck!
Don't call me a gynecologist, but I'm pretty sure its impossible to put tread back on the tire.
ehh not really. because if someone asked you (casually) if you were a virgin, you can't really say yes (you have a daughter... they'd be confused) and if someone (a potential sexual partner) asked you, you can't say you're a virgin because they have a right to know how many partners you've had (for std reasons, etc)
sooooo i mean it's an honorable idea but i'm not really sure you can put a label on it, you know?
@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - amen.
I don't know so much about "revirginization"...obviously you can't be physically a virgin, and not mentally either, unless you get amnesia and forget the first time(s).
However, wanting to see sex as something meaningful between you and someone you love is a good goal. Sex itself is not impure or anything, but it is something very intimate, and if you want to wait and share it with someone special, then good for you :)
Just don't go around saying you're a virgin, or people might think your kid is the "new messiah" or something >_>
@Kate - Well said! This is what I was thinking.
Of course, it is a little silly to tell people that you're a virgin, because that would be lying. Just say you've changed your ways for the better and you're waiting now. Anyone will understand that.
I think this depends on how we define virginity in the first place. I mean obviously there's a physical definition, but isn't it just as much of an emotional/spiritual experience as well? If sex is only about the intercourse itself, then all rape victims are no longer virgins. Is that fair, since it wasn't their choice?
I think there is such a thing as emotional and spiritual virginity, even if your physical one is gone. It would be dishonest to tell future SO's that you're a virgin but if you decide that from here on out you want to wait, then it doesn't seem like such a ridiculous idea to me...I'd just be careful of how you choose to word it.
Err, I'm not sure that I'd ever have this done. But I guess if it feels right to you, then sure, why not?
personally i think its really hysterical that a religion decided to tell its followers u can become a virgin again if you just pray. what a crock of shit. xD
just my opinion cuz i dont believe there is a god.
@Kate - kudos for you :)
I think if somebody feels better about doing the revirgination thing, its ok.
But I don't think you can set a good example for your daughter for doing that. That means your daughter will believe that she can have sex before marriage and all she need to do is to revirginization then she is a virgin again.
Is it what you want her to believe?