Monday, 12 October 2009
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Still a Dating n00b
Perhaps it's that I'm finally feeling my age, or people are misguessing it to lead me into my thirties about eight years too early, but I've been feeling kind of lonely lately. Not so much in the friend or family member department, but seeing them wouldn't hurt. This kind of lonely is a different kind of lonely; the kind that can only be remedied by watching movies under a blanket, sipping hot chocolate, going out on weekends, and holding hands with someone. In all of my 22 years on this planet, I've been on one date. One of my guy friends says that it doesn't even classify as a date, that I should not even mention it. If I don't mention it, I'll sound all the more pathetic, I think. It's not that I've never wanted a boyfriend: I truly have. My own emotions, especially fear, as well as my pickyness and seeing all of my friends' relationship drama has curbed me from truly wanting a steady, decent relationship. This is why movies like The Notebook irritate the crap out of me.
Perhaps its my age, and my ovaries are yelling, "Hey! Don't forget about us!" or I'm succumbing to societal pressures. But I need to know...
How old is too old to go without dating? How old is too old to not even bother trying? (Or is that even a consideration?)
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- From: andfabulous@xanga
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Comments (34)
you sound like me, lol I'm 20
sounds like you should just be more open to people and dating. i mean you should never settle, but if you haven't dated, you honestly don't know what you want. just test the waters and figure it out.
Don't worry I was in the same situation and really shy and insecure, but picky until I was...ok only 19, but being picky paid off. Your not too old. Keep looking, just don't look for a "type" look for qualities. When you find him do what I've done, use your friend's relationship drama and mistakes as a "what not to do" to avoid issues in your own relationship.
wahts preventing you from going out into society and just casually dating? there are lots of people in the same situation as you. don't wait for someone to ask you, you could ask guys out on a date as well. if you just stay in your bubble of "no-dating", no one is going to approach you. if you want something, a change, etc, you have to take the initiative.
40 years old.
For both questions.
Life is waaay too short, honey. Get your freak on! You are booorn to be wiiiiillld.
That's all I have to say about your "dating shyness".
It's people like you that end up alone till the end of your LIVES because you're too picky! Not everyone can please in every way. Take my boyfriend, for example. Did he come off as a bit of a jerk at first? yea. Is he still a bit of a jerk? Yea. But he's genuine and really caring. I'll deal with the moodswings and brattiness every so often for his dedication. Also, don't be shy about asking people out. I'm not a looker and I've still managed a 3/3 success rate when asking people out, so I figure anyone can have such a decent success rate with a little discretion (like flirting first then seeing if they show interest).
Go find luuuuuv now ;)
21 same thing
i'm 18 and haven't dated yet. sometimes it bothers me, but the fact of the matter is that i just haven't found anyone i think is worth investing in yet. but i feel like being picky will pay off in the end, 'cause it'll give you a higher success rate when you DO decide to date. or at least i'm hoping it will! lol :].
Never too old but you gotta put the things you want in a guy in a realistic point of view.
oh your dear ovaries.
how can you ever forget about them. they give you the joy of bleeding every month
and when the bleeding is heavy, you get a shopping spree !
A SHOPPING SPREE FOR PADS AND TAMPONS.
haha,
i know how you feel, im waaay too picky too.
Not to be a downer but intuition tells me that you should really just select a guy (and don't be too picky for your first real boyfriend) and use him as a learning experience.
Trust me on this. As much as it sounds harsh, it also sounds realistic.
i have a lot of friends in their early twenties who haven't dated/have never had a bf/gf. it bothers all of them, but i see both sides; there's something to be said for dating to get "experience" dating, but there's also something to be said for waiting for the right person to come along. if you really want to date because you feel you're missing out on something, you can always join a dating website like okcupid.com or plentyoffish.com (which are both free) to speed up the meeting-people process. but if it doesn't bother you, why stress?
Regardless of how picky you are, you should always allow yourself to meet new people. Try to hang out as a group because being in a group won't make it seem like a date, which can take away some of that "dating anxiety" (there's less emphasis on making it seem like date).
Good Luck!
im with u. i'm 20 and don't date around cause i've had bad dates for the 3 guys i ever went out with. never went past one date with any of them. i've never been kissed cause i want the first one to be special. and a lot of the time guys seem to expect that, and cause i don't kiss them on the first date, they are no longer interested. and i have a hard time with dating... i'm not shy typically. but on a date? yeah. i clam up. i'm too nervous. bad combination. so i don't bother to date anyone anymore. sad. it's not that i don't want too... it's just i've given up hope. but hey, someone will come around and break me down!!!
You shouldn't feel pressure to start dating now or stop dating at a certain age. If you're a 76 year old lady who hasn't found someone yet and still want to date, go for it. Not that I'm saying you'll be 76 years old and single. I'm sure you'll find someone eventually, but don't let your age deter you. That and I see nothing wrong with being single for the rest of your life. I don't see what there's such a stigma on that especially for women. Just take it at your own pace. It's your life after all and it should benefit and comfort you, not cause you panic and distress.
I kind of feel young now... I went on 3 dates when I was 17 (my best friends were dating long before then), but I wouldn't call them dates because those (the dates and the guys) were disasters. I was never kissed until I agreed to go out with my best guy friend when I was 19, and we're still together, and I was not attracted to him at first. I'm not saying date a guy friend but rather, give chances to guys you feel neutral about. If you feel any (what I would like to call) unattraction (aka: something just makes you feel eww!, like I felt with those 3 guys), be picky; it's perfectly alright because it's about what you want and your safety in dating.
One thing that should also be mentioned about "dating late" is that you date significantly differently. When you're a kid around 16 or 17 years old, you can't exactly have a quality date since you don't have much you can do.
Dating while you're in your mid twenties and over is significantly better in that you are usually emotionally better [a big one] and obviously financially better [another big one]. That directly leads to more "quality dates".
So it isn't all *that* bad that you start to date later than your friends.
nah, i didnt have a bf til i was 19, and it wasnt REALLY a serious one, (i only mention it for the same reasons as you - sound slightly less pathetic) and i didnt have a serious one til now (at 22) but we were best friends since 10th grade. so. i'm kinda picky and shy and all that too.
one of my best friends has also been exactly like you - maybe one date in her 21 years of existence.
idk i personally believe if you stay strong, and focus on becoming a good person and keeping your options open, things will happen as they are supposed to.
@TangMSU@xanga - Okay, I agree with that. You first have to have experience relationships, before you jump into a real one. If you start off with a real one, it probably won't last. But what do you do when the guys you want to use fall in love with you? I've had that happen to me so many times, I'm getting tired of it. + it's awful to break their hearts like that when you find out they're a bit more serious about it than you are
@m_artaa@xanga - That's why you make sure they know that you're not looking for anything super-serious before you guys get in a relationship (I've been in this situation several times). If he doesn't want to have a relationship or date you after that, then it's for the best that you both went your seperate ways.
As for the original post, there is no cap on dating. Like someone said, if you still want to date at 76, go ahead. As for being picky, well I guess it's just a matter of why you're picky. Are you picky because you're looking for a special person, or are you hiding behind your pickyness because you're afraid (I know you mentioned fear in your post)? My suggestion would be to remember that every date does not have to turn into a 10 year romance. Just focus on chilling out and having fun, and don't worry too much about where it might lead until you decide if you really like the person or not. Everyone has bad dates sometimes, anyways.
Try doing something not completely typical for a first date; sitting in a restaurant with nothing to do but talk can feel like a job interview, and may only add to your nervousness. Also look for guys with the same interests as you, and then maybe plan a date involving that interest, or do something like bowling, something that keeps you sort of active and not just sitting there with nothing to do but stare, talk, and stuff your face.
I'm 19, never dated. Mostly hung out, but it doesn't classify because I was never really interested in them. There's nothing wrong with not dating, people make it out to be a bigger deal than it really is because of societal pressures. If you're still not comfortable with it, it's okay. Everyone should go at their own pace.
For me, dating is still not my thing, and I don't think I'll ever really be interested in another person. There's nothing wrong with it. Anyone who says otherwise should shut the hell up.
@TangMSU@xanga - This. Way to be realistic man! Some girls I knew haven't dated because they want to go out with Prince-fucking-Charming. They see relationships as this fairy tale romance and they forget the important part. They forget about being realistic. No one ever really finds who they're looking for, they just settle for what they have. It's life.
*high five*
- Kunoichi
I think it might have started as pickiness but now you are just scared. It's only gonna get scarier, so dive in.
And in answer to your question...
about 19.
and i think a lot of it is really also...that you have no idea how much you are missing out on.
I don't date around much. I've only had 1 actual boyfriend. And I enjoy being picky :]
But you don't choose who you love, it chooses you. :]