Addiction is a really ugly disease. It changes you not only physically but also emotionally. And it can take years to gain everything back that you lost. I currently work in an addiction treatment center and it really got me thinking about relationships. I see a lot of people in/coming from dysfunctional relationships and that is usually one of the most difficult things they work on while they are in treatment.
Since working at this job, I've said that I don't know if I could date someone that went through treatment and was clean, even if if they've been clean for several years. I commend them for being able to do it but I've never been in their shoes, other than being an outsider looking in. However, the chance of relapse is always there. I don't know if I could stick with someone if they were to relapse.
Would you ever date someone who was in recovery, whether a few months or several years? Have you ever dated someone who was in recovery?
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Comments (16)
Meh..it'd definitely greatly lower a person's chances of dating me.
I have a similar reason for not wanting to be in a relationship right now. If I was the one to relapse, I know the kind of pain I could cause to someone I care about. No one deserves to see me go through that again, and I don't think I'm truly recovered yet.
i do think i could date someone who was clean, it'd actually probably make me respect them more for having that sort of strength. someone who was still addicted though? i couldn't do it.
@soyeahthatswhathappened - Agreed.
I've never thought about this but I honestly would date someone who is a recovering addict. It definitely would be a lot different since they're still trying to get their life back on track but I can't judge them for what they did in their past. They deserve second chances too.
well being in recovery wouldn't ever repel me from dating them, but if they have personality disorders because of it, i'd definitely consider not dating him.
I would date the person if they showed they were willing to quit and change their lives, and actually took steps to fix things. If they did, that shows they'd care about me enough to do what's best for them. Everyone screws up sometimes, what matters is if we learn our lesson and make it through the challenges we face.
No and probably not? It really depends on the person.
I would, definitely.
I'm not sure. I guess it depends on the person.
If I were dating, I couldn't date someone in recovery. Someone who had quit and been quit for a while, yes, but actually in recovery, no. I have too many of my own issues that I need to work on. I need someone healthier than me to lean on, and that wouldn't be fair to try to do to someone in recovery.
It all depends on how much i like the person.
i guess it all depends on the individual :)
Why wouldn't people want to date someone that has recovered? The fear of relapse, to me, seems like a cop out. Most people have addictions whether they want to admit it or not, from too much television, to junk food, to caffeine to more dangerous things like drugs and alcohol. My point is, addiction is EVERYWHERE and people learn to cope and get through it. If someone has truly committed to recovering and is making progress, why not date them? Everybody has baggage, if you are afraid to date them it says that you are entertaining the possibility that a wonderful relationship may/may not workout based on a preconceived notion. EVERYBODY has baggage.
What's in the past is past. I would think that someone who has recovered from an addiction completely is safer to date than someone who hasn't been tested by extreme temptation yet. This makes me think of Johny Cash who did absolutely no drugs until he got semi-famous and then just completely went overboard and became a huge addict.
i'm not a strong enough person to be able to help/deal with someone recovering from a drug addiction. i am too scared of a relapse. i can't handle something like that (i have enough of my own issues), especially because that reaches beyond just the addiction, it affects money and habits AND those drugs are illegal. i've had enough contact with the police as it is, thanks. i just don't need alllll of that extra shit that an ex-addict brings with them. if other people are strong enough to handle that, then more power to them. i'm being realistic though--i highly doubt i could deal with that.
I am dating a girl who is has 18 months sober and still recovering from alcoholism and meth addiction. She is a strong person, stronger than many I have met, I don't hold her past against her, but it does make me cautious. I see our relationship through the lens of an Oscar Wilde quote "every saint has a past, every sinner has a future". I have a lot of relationship issues, especially when it comes to trust, but she has taken every step to make me trust her more and if i ever ask her to do something so that I'll trust her more she does it without hesitation. Given that I cannot hold her past against her because we all have a past that haunts us in some way, shape, or form and to hold her past against her would be to hold my father's against him, he's a recovering alcoholic. Alcoholism is a genetic problem, and I have it on both sides of my family so I understand to an extent where she is coming from and because of that we have a strong relationship. When my dad was arrested for DUI and minor possession, he had a little of a joint left in his car, my mom told him it was either the alcohol or the family not both, when me and my gf started dating I told her much the same thing, it's me or her addiction she can't have both and she understood that and i think she appreciated it because it shows that I care enough about her to give her that reason to keep clean. I know a lot of people couldn't do what I am doing because they are scared of their significant others failing or relapsing, I admit there is that fear in me too, but to hide from that fear and pass up on what could be a great relationship because of that fear would be to let that fear rule me, and I won't let that happen.