Sunday, 11 October 2009
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Here's a Lie for You
This is about and for a guy I know....
When am I going to spin this web of lies?
I suppose right now.
Truth: When was it that I realized I had made a mistake by not claiming you as mine? Oh, I'd say about two days after I found out you had left for California. Now though, I don't see it as too much of a mistake because, well, as you know I found a great guy that loves me with everything he has. I'm not saying you wouldn't love me just as much.... But... I found this guy through your comments, I found him, your friend after you had left. You have no idea how I love him and how glad I am to have found him.
Lie: It didn't hurt at all when you told me you were leaving. It didn't hurt at all when I heard your voice so long after we hadn't talked and you said you had found someone. I was happy for you. Really I was... I didn't wish I was with you. I didn't want you around at all.
Truth: I listened to the song "Heels Over Head" by Boys Like Girls and there's a line in it that I could really relate to..... "thinkin how you left me for dead, California bound, and when you hit the coast maybe you'll finally see and then you'll turn it all around and you'll come back to me." Oh great... Now it's onto "Hero/Heroine" by Boys Like Girls... "I never thought you could break me apart, I keep a sinister smile and a hold on my heart" and "it's not complicated, I was so jaded." Oh how I wish today wasn't so full of things making me think of you, making me miss you. I haven't missed you since we quit talking last... I'm sorry, I miss you again, and I know how much you hate me, so let me go now.
Lie: I don't ever wonder how things might of been. I never miss you. I never wish to hear your voice again and I never wish I could have at least gotten a hug. I never wish there was a way to make things up to you. I never wish we could be friends. I NEVER wish that you had loved me and told me before you left and I met my guy.
Truth: I know what you'd say to this if you were to read it. I know that you'd think I'm a pathetic loser who can't make up her mind. I also know that you'd state that everything is my fault though it's quite the opposite. Actually, it's somewhere in the middle. I do miss you and I do still have very strong feelings for you but their not enough for me to give up what I have going on now. It's not enough for me to give up a relationship I've been in for almost a year now. Maybe you should listen to what I have to say for a while. How about that? Don't go telling me this or that because I say something you don't like. I'm sick and tired of all that crap. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to listen to it anymore.
Lie: I have nothing more to say.......
Truth: Goodbye.
Have you ever lied to yourself to protect your heart?
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About the Author
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- From: xEmox_xBabyx@xanga
- Name: Caiti
- About Me: I'm just a girl living in a crazy and upset world... look for me there... under the stars and watch me float away in the sea... <3
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Comments (36)
i've lied only to protect the other's heart, but i guess its all regressive.
yes.
Who hasn't really at one point or another? =/
yes, I've lied to protect my heart just like you. When my boyfriend told me he wanted to go to UCBerkeley for his graduate work instead of MIT. I told him that I think he should go to the school he wants even though it is 3,000 miles away from PA and 3,000 miles away from me. I went back to my dorm and cried for a very long time. Before he left I told him that I really wanted him to go to MIT and not UCBerkeley and we bawled our eyes out together.
A Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie Lyrics:
.....this is fact not fiction
for the first time in years
and all the girls in every girlie magazine
can't make me feel any less alone
i'm reaching for the phone
to call at 7:03 and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home
but i know it's too late
and i should have given you a reason to stay
given you a reason to stay...
I can say my lies are almost like yours.
well after one break up, i just couldnt tell what my heart really wanted to say, so after months of emailing (as friends) i ended up saying things all over the map.
ultimately, i cut off talking cause even i could tell i was too confused for my own good.
worked out well though, i truly love my boyfriend now.
yes, and i do this too much.
and in fact, im in that situation right now.
even though its stupid, and i know what the truth is..
believing in what will make me feel better makes me feel less depresed.. ):
but i have to face the truth some time . right ? /:
yes. :/
xo
ohhh yesss i can not lie to anyone better then i lie to myself.
Yeah =/
we lie to ourselves so that we are able to bear the unbearable. we lie so that we can live our lives with some semblance of happiness.
Ive lied to protect both of our hearts. complicated story, plus im not even sure about all the details in it. like i said, its complicated.
oh and btw, Boys Like Girls is my favorite band. *___*
yes i have.
Yep I have.
Truth: Listening to songs that remind you of him will NOT make it any better any faster.
But, yes.
yes.
it's a defense mechanism, to keep outselves from feeling pain
probably
Yes. I think I am right now, actually. And yes, it sucks.
@rena8125@xanga - Very well said...though I think we underestimate our ability to bear things sometimes. I think sometimes we merely lie to ourselves because we're afraid to try to bear them, like being afraid to walk across a half-rotten bridge.
As for the original post, I think most people have been or will go through this at some point or another. Regretting, or at least wondering what might have been. It will get better, though, with time.
ouch yeah. ;/ im lying to myself right now. =__= i always am.
I think a person who is actually honest with themselves is more rare.
I'm a boy who broke up with a girl and then moved to California. Just thought I'd share.
Some people may not be aware of the lies they feed themselves, but everyone lies to themselves... At least a little bit...
yes and im actually going thru it now ::sigh::
Yes, I'm guilty of this. When my bf of 3 years then told me he wanted to go on a break because he had felt that we were getting too serious, I told him that I was not hurt by his decision and that I respected it but when deep down inside, I was so heartbroken. During the course of our break, he met this new girl and it was as if he had forgotten about me. He'd IM online, occasionally, and tell me he still missed me and that he loved me and as always, I'd put on a front and say that I moved on and that my feelings for him were pretty much gone, despite the fact that I could not stop crying every night, thinking about him and wondering if we were ever really meant to be.
Sometimes you can only lie to yourself for so long. I kept my feelings to myself for so long, I became really guarded, especially when it came to relationships. It was really hard for me to trust others, myself included. Of course I had to learn the hard way!
Sorta. He's thinkin' about the Navy. I told him that if it was what he wanted to do, he should do it, regardless of any girl. He's the one who has got to live the rest of his life. I'd be proud of him, and I'd wait. I want him to be happy.
But oh, I don't want him to go!