Sex was always a taboo around my family. You don't talk about it. My mom never even told me what a period was. Let alone what sex was. At the time I was really, really grateful for it actually, because the topic of sexually maturing (puberty) made me sick to my stomach. My mom has a warped mind about human sexuality. I think that her childhood, like mine formed how she viewed sexuality in whole.
I know that logically, it's not dirty. I think that it can definitely be warped into something dirty. But in essence, it's not dirty. I still sit here trying to convince myself that this is true.
The idea of masturbation is often a very shaming thing for most women to talk about. Some will openly admit that they do it. I have friends that talk about human sexuality like you talk about yesterdays headlines and this has helped me to become more open about who I am in general. Honest about my sexuality. Have I tried masturbating? Sure I've tried, on their suggestions. But it didn't feel right. It felt, well it felt dirty. Will I vehemently deny this to everybody I know? You bet I will. I would girl scout honors that. I've tried it more then once, not much more. But every single time at least after wards I beat myself up for doing it.
The idea of lesbianism/gay or being bisexual is so taboo in our culture, still. A good many people are acceptable of it, at least on Xanga. But in real everyday life it's not considered okay. I was discussing this with someone the other day who took a really okay approach to it. They weren't all "let's go rally" and they weren't "that's wrong". They were just kind of like being gay/lesbian/bisexual is like getting a cup of coffee. No big deal. I really appreciated that approach to it.
I guess that the main point is, is that whatever you are. Straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual it's that you feel comfortable in your skin being it. It's hard to walk around not knowing. Or knowing, but denying it because of shame.
What about everyone else? Is anyone else really ashamed of their sexuality or sexual feelings?
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Comments (56)
I'm not at all ashamed of my sexuality or sexual feelings (maybe my blog says that for me, heh).
I think it is so important for all the of the things you mentioned & more to not be so taboo. It's real, it happens, & people need to talk about it. Masturbation is totally acceptable in my mind, and I encourage every person who plans on being sexuality active to do it. It's really beneficial, as it teaches a person what pleases them. I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I'm also 100% for the GLBTQ community. It doesn't matter who you love, as long as you love.
In my family its pretty much the same thing. Its like a sin in their eyes. I also think of it in the way they do sometimes, its really closed off and it doesnt help anything.
Slightly off topic, but that's a very interesting looking comforter.
My mom is a lot like yours. She did teach me what a period was when my sister got hers, but I didn't realize that sex involved penetration until I was 16. I also learned a lot about sex and the human body from my friends. I still don't know a whole lot.
For awhile what I thought was masturbating was really me just getting a little horny from reading a book that had sex in it. I didn't really masturbate until a few months ago (I'm 19.) and I love it. I suddenly feel more in control of what I like and what my body is doing. I feel like whenever I finally get a boyfriend, I'll know how to please him to please myself. It's a great feeling.
On the flip side, I know my brother watches porn and masturbates, almost every day. And I for the longest time have disapproved of it, and as a family we have told him to seek therapy. He hasn't yet, and at this point I don't know how often he does or if he is addicted to it still.
So there's my double standard right there. I know, I'm working on figuring out a nice happy medium. for instance, I don't watch porn.
On the sexual orientation half, I try so so hard to look at it like a cup of coffee. However, I love gay guys. I think they're hilarious, and I love hanging out with them. and I truly think it's because they are gay. I feel bad about looking at them like "my gay friend" instead of "my friend."
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - I love it too.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - i was thinking that too.
I'm a Bible thumper so I believe people should shape the way they express their sexuality by what the Bible says.
Saying that, I have absolutely no right to tell anyone who they should love or how they should express that love.
So there you go.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - Thanks for pointing that out - I spent a couple of minutes unsuccessfully trying to figure out what was going on with that picture!
As for me, I talk about sex a lot - my own and sexuality in general. I wasn't really raised to be comfortable with it and we never talked about it in my family, but I have never seen a problem with being open about it.
It's definitely the way you were brought up, the people you associate yourselves with and who surrounds you daily that affects your view on sexuality. I grew up in NYC and all the talk about sex, sexuality, sexual orientation, everything!, is all OK with me. I'm even more OK with it now that I took a Human Sexuality class last semester. It was actually one of the best courses I've taken in college thus far.
I have no problems with sex/sexuality. My friends actually ask me to tone it down a lot, LOL.
not at all. and that is an awesome comforter.
@HiroBoi@xanga - that's a very respectable opinion. :)
i'm not. i just feel like its a personal topic not meant to be shared with everyone, but instead a select few.
Yea, society as a whole has this creepy view towards sex that basically boils down to:
-heterosexual=good/normal
-gay men are icky
-lesbian women only exist to fulfill masturbatory fantasies (for straight men)
-bisexuals and pansexuals don't exist
-women who like sex are sluts
-sex is icky
-sex automatically becomes not icky when you're married
-everything revolves around pleasing the penis
It's horrible how these attitudes shape our view of something that's supposed to be up to us. I'm asexual and I don't need society telling me I should be having sex while turning around and chastising a woman for having sex. It makes no sense. Being ashamed of who you are because society tells you to be isn't fun. People should be happy and free to enjoy their sexuality (or lack thereof). :D
I'm fine with my sexuality and sex in general. doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.
@HiroBoi@xanga - I agree. And that was a good way to put it!
I'm (obviously) not.
@suggestivetongue@xanga - I love your default picture!! =]
I talk about sex and such like yesterday's headlines. In a way, I wish everyone were that comfortable about it, but at the same time, I'm thankful not everyone is. Some people are just way too disgusting about it, which does really make it dirty.
&I've always pretty much looked at gays/lesbians/bi sexuals in that whole cup of coffee light. It really isn't a big deal...
Nope. I may be a little shy talking openly about certain things about my sex life, but it's not because I'm embarrased by it - I just prefer keeping some things private. So I can see why some people may not feel comfortable speaking about it as if it were as simple as the weather, but still... nothing to be shameful of. And as for sexual orientation, I don't understand why there are still those out there who make it such a big deal =/
my family was always fairly open about sex. they went by the motto if i was old enough to ask i was old enough to know.
however i now have a kind of phobia of it. Nothing to do with what my parents taught me, just little things from all places in everyday life built up in my head untill i see it as a bad thing, that bad, low people do. it disgusts me on a level hard to describe. i get the same revolted feeling from someone joking about their own sex life (who i respect, in my mind i don't want to think of them as bad people so i can't take it) as if someone were to joke about kicking puppies and raping kids.
i know it isn't like that at all. it's supposed to be a loving expression that everyone makes etc. but i can't control my feeling of disgust towards it.
honestly? i don't get sexual feelings. ever. asexual is how you would describe it i supose... not quite sure how i'm going to go about having kids in the future, but i'll deal with that when it comes.
I'm not ashamed of anything about how I am.
I think it's hard to get comfortable with it initially, but once you are, it will become more natural. I think the most important thing is to inform yourself about sex and stuff like that. Here are some fact that may help you get a hold of sex - good and bad. But it's nothing to be ashamed of. http://bit.ly/iNLjf
@HiroBoi@xanga - ooo! That comment really excited me. Thank you for being so respectful of others' lifestyles.
yeah, i was talking to my boyfriend about this. he comes from a background where sex is openly talked about and accepted. my mom sounds exactly like yours- she told me nothing. everything i learned has been from school and friends and the internet, although i am lucky to have good friends and a loving boyfriend. i am trying to become more open to talking about it, and i vow to talk to my children about it as soon as they are old enough. which means, as soon as they ask questions!
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - hahaha. that's where my thoughts just went too.
xo