So, my boyfriend broke up with me this morning.
His reasons were that I was too tolerant of him and that I didn't have any expectations. He was breaking up with me because I accepted him for who he was instead of trying to change him. I didn't complain about things. I didn't get angry or set his stuff on fire (like his roommate's now ex-girlfriend). In other words, I was just too good.
*laughs slightly*
I feel like crying. Not over this situation but over the fact that I can't keep a relationship for more than a month because I'm
too good.
Too good.
Too tolerant.
Too everything!
Why am I being punished for being a good girlfriend. I'm sorry that I don't text/call you every five minutes to accuse you of cheating on me. I'm sorry that I don't make you stay home with me when you want to go out and hang with the boys. I'm sorry that I make the effort to get along with your friends even when I know they don't like me. I'm sorry that I don't complain about your messy car, room, kitchen or etc. I'm sorry that instead of complaining about your piles of dishes in the sink,I help you do them.
I'm sorry for being the girl that just wants to stay by her man's side and support him in whatever he does.
I don't understand it. Some men complain about how women are always trying to keep them on some sort of a leash. But now that there is no leash and there are still complaints.
I don't get it.
My boyfriend..sorry ex-boyfriend..has had some rough relationships in the past. He was married and his wife cheated on him and from there, he jumped into several relationships that ended sourly. When we first got together, he said he wanted to take it slow. So, I agreed. I figure, you have to learn to be friends first anyway. But no..
I was too easy going.
I was too compromising.
"You're always compromising," he said. That was another reason he broke up with me. First of all, in relationships people compromise on some things. I didn't compromise on everything. We weren't in a relationship that long for me to compromise on anything (note: we had only been dating for three weeks). The things I compromised weren't huge. The one issue I didn't compromise on was sex. I said I wanted to wait a while. That I did not compromise on.
I just think for right now I'm going to stop dating. I keep meeting these guys who keep leaving me in the dust because I'm too everything.
Have you ever been too everything in a relationship? And if so, did your SO break up with you because of that?
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Comments (99)
I think that's very pathetic of him. Obviously men are stupid and can't make up their minds with what they want. They need to get a clue of what is good.
What a fucking idiot. He's going to regret letting you go.
you must read the book "Why men love bitches" it is so true, and my bible. Then reread it and read it again. So good. I thought it was going to about being really rude and super independant but it wasn't. it was the best advice ever.
Lol. I am actually like you now because of my past relationships. I really don't expect anything from anybody (not just boyfriends) anymore that if they were to treat me horribly or end up abandoning me, I would just be all, "Okay, I understand." But my relationship now works well with my attitude. We're both not needy and we know how to communicate. I don't understand why a guy wouldn't want what you were able to provide for him. =___=;
Ever think it's his issues and not yours?
You just said he was married, she cheated, then he jumped into more bad relationships after that.
Maybe you think he's scared or possibly just not ready to be committed..?
If your as good of a girlfriend as you say you are, why would he leave if he didn't have his own unresolved issues?
I don't think this is your fault.
Maybe he wants a girl to change everything about him, and that is not you. So, in my opinion, that makes him stupid for even wanting that! Maybe changing a few bad habits, but why would somebody want to be changed?
Screw him. Don't give up dating because of this guy. A good guy, who is ready for a committed relationship would love to have you. Just wait.
@XxXiXLoVeDXHiMXxX@xanga - I thought the exact same thing when I read this.
anyone who's been in a messed up relationship like your ex has can take a lot of damage from that, and then they automatically brace themselves for hurt. When you weren't giving that hurt, I think he became frustrated and confused because he didn't know what to do or how to act.
Hang in there- if he walked away, let him go. There'll be someone better coming. :)
I am in complete agreement with the girl above.
From his reasons as to why he broke up with you, it came off more as excuses/complaints. It sounds like he has unresolved issues..I can't imagine why he would want to dump you for being so caring....in all honesty, it's a great quality to have and one you shouldn't lose.
Any, normal, man craves for a compassionate, easy-going woman...not a jealous, suspicious, and insecure girlfriend.
be glad that it's only 1 month long relationships and instead of wasting your life with someone who's not deserving of you. my relationships never last more than a couple of months, so I sympathize. However you're probably a better g/f than I am a b/f. Don't worry there are many in their early 20's who don't want to be tied down, you'll just have the meet the right guy, good luck eventhough a great girl like you won't need it
okay. there's a difference between being tolerant and TOO tolerant. a guy liked me before and he was WAY too tolerant. i wanted him to care about me, not let me go off and do what i want. and he just couldn't do it. i bet you IF i ever wanted to do something he wasn't comfortable with, he would PROBABLY or most likely (i should say) try to be understanding of it, silently suffering while i go off and do stupid things. good thing we were never together. im glad to say im fine with losing a friend like that because A) you just never know if they care, because they don't show you ANY emotion, because for them, everything is okay, happy, etc. B) you know they'll be fine without you because...well, they're tolerant right? so...does that even make you feel special? probably not. C) you can pretty much do whatever you want, and they'll still take you back, not that anyone should take advantage of a trait like this. im just saying. you need to set up some boundaries for yourself. i think i'm tolerant, but not to the point where i'd let some girl sit on my boyfriends lap (some xanga post earlier) or some shit like that, which is something that REALLY, TOO tolerant people would allow.
It's simple. You're boring. Ever seen that movie the Stepford Wives? Nothing is meant to be perfect. I know I wouldn't want to even sit at a bus stop next to someone who is always cheery cheery smiley smiley loves life. That would annoy the piss out of me.
@Crimson_Ballad@xanga - i completely agree. sometimes a little bit of a fight can bring two people closer together. everything that's just handed to you, lovey dovey and happy-go-lucky can get really routine. its surprising we're the only people who think this way about this post. all the other comments above were like...whaat? there's two sides to every story, geez.
His issues, not yours.
... Wow. He's immensely stupid.
Let him go and forget him. He'll regret for what he did! And he needs to work on whatever issues he has.
@dearFLOPPY@xanga - Fighting is good for every relationship, just a little of it. I know my girl hates it when we fight, but I feel even more drawn to her when I see her smile when we've made up. Now, a person I would hate sitting next to would be Rachel Ray. She's nice.. I just can't handle the perky perky chipper chipper thing.
I was in a relationship when I was too much of everything. He never tried to break up with me, but he kept trying to find anything that was wrong. Like if I was cheating, lying...etc...He would try to find anything that made me seem that I wasn't that goody goody...I broke things off with him. Not because I was too "goody goody" but because he couldn't except the fact that I was too much of everything and he was trying to find anything wrong...or make me do something wrong.
To be honest, its hard to ever really tell why someone breaks up with someone. It could be that you were too good....but it also could be a ton of other things as well. Maybe it was that you were too good and he has issues and is a total jerk. Maybe he's a guy that wants a challenge. Maybe you are good, but you were also boring. You don't necessarily have to nag and cause drama to make the relationship fun and interesting. Maybe he started liking someone else. It really could be any number of things or a combination of a number of things and he might not necessarily be saying the real reason.
And before all the girls say what a jerk he is.... girls do this too. Girls often go for the bad boy. Girls (and guys of course) say things like "its not you, its me" or "im just not ready to get serious" or "i really want to find myself first" or "i wanna focus on my career"........etc etc etc. At the end of the day, the simple fact is that person is no longer attracted to or likes that person enough.
At the end of the day, you don't know the real reason he broke up with you but you know he was no longer into you. Not everyone is a giant asshole just cuz they break up with someone. Its not always someone's "fault" when a relationship ends. If it didn't work out, it didn't work out and wasn't meant to be for now. You'll be sad for a while, then you move on and have confidence in yourself and confidence that you will find the right guy eventually.
wtf... your ex has issues...
Oh my god. What kind of guy is he? That's a first that I ever hear about a guy dumping a girl because she was "too nice" esp. if the previous relationships was bad. I hope karma will get him back.
Well he is kind of stupid, the only angle I can see that he would be commng from is maybe he felt like you werent being honest with him, that he wanted you to tell him the truth if you were upset? That he wanted to know what bothered you and didnt. Some people see that as a barrier. Sometimes if you see no flaws in a relationship, that may be your biggest flaw - it might mean there is a communication issue. But breaking up with you, wouldnt be the way to solve the issue - if what I said was the case, he is a hypocrite
Poor guy doesnt know what he lost
So I'm fairly sure that was all just a lie and that he has reasons he doesn't really want to tell you..
@dearFLOPPY@xanga - I agree with what you had to say. You make some very valid points.
Just like every other situation I think there are two sides to the story. One can be that the OP is too lenient and there is no excitement, BUT, she mentioned that they were only together for 1 month. That does not give any time whatsoever to make that kind of assumption from the ex, but that's just one relationship among many, so that's why I agree with FLOPPY's statement. On the other hand, it does seem like the ex has some internal issues that he should definitely take care of before stepping into his next relationship, as to not affect the other person's feelings.
Either way, to the OP, be who you are. You shouldnt need to change yourself anymore than you should feel the need to change the other person, but my advice would be to not be so complacent with your partners. I think that's the reason why you're so content with your relationships. Try to find someone with qualities you're looking for instead of just accepting that they're a certain way. Maybe you'll have more luck.
I know there is another reason and thats the best one he could come up with. if he wanted you to change him, he couldve spoken up about it
@InTheThin@xanga - I got that notion as well...
Convenient excuse. It's about something else other than you being too "perfect."
He has his own problems he needs to work out. Don't take it personally.