Friday, 09 October 2009
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Give Me a Reality Check
You know how people can magically lose any common sense they ever had once they enter a relationship? That's me. At least, that's what I think. We always find ourselves making up excuses for our SOs. "Oh but he only does it when we're in public." "It's okay because she says she loves me." "I know that this time, he's going to change for real."
I dated my last ex-boyfriend for about three years total, not including the few months we broke up, and over the course of those few years he's done several things that upset me:
- I sent him pictures of me because I thought they would make him laugh and made him promise specifically not to show his female friend Michelle. He broke that promise.
- She would ridicule and laugh at comments I made on blogs while with him.
- During our first Christmas together, he didn't get me a gift because he "couldn't think of what to get me." He gave Michelle a pound of her favorite candy bars.
- In three years, I've caught him probably somewhere between 50 to 70 times lying about what he did with Michelle, whether he was spending time with her, what he talked about with her, whether he talked to her at all, and where he would go with her.
- I became so uncomfortable with their friendship that I asked for his Facebook password in order to look at the types of things that they said to each other in private messages. He gave me the password, but I found messages that he had deleted just before giving me the password where she would ridicule me and he would laugh at it. This is also how I found out about the pictures I mentioned above.
- I found out later that he had made a fake Facebook account after that just to talk to her.
- They took videos of themselves together on a couch and he posted them on Youtube under a secret account so only the two of them could see.
- In our senior year of high school, he saw an 8th grader performing during a concert and thought she was very attractive, so he asked around for her name, friended her on Facebook, and became close friends with her.
- Michelle calls me "crazy," "stubborn," and "psycho bitch" because I told him I would rather them be casual friends instead of close friends, and he doesn't disagree with her.
- He tells Michelle things like "this is why I love you so much," and that she should come to his dorm room so he could "hold her in his arms." (but he tells me this is just how they always talk)
- When he broke up with me, I started dating another guy, but he begged for me to leave the other guy. When I told him he was preventing me from being happy in my new relationship, he started mutilating his arms and told me that I was causing him to cut himself.
- We got back together once he agreed to limit his friendship with her, but he eventually dumped me because "Michelle saved my life that night I cut my arms while you just told me to stop cutting. I told her I wanted to kill myself, and she stopped me. Because of that, I can't bear to limit my friendship with her; I would rather lose you."
- I didn't want him to visit me anymore, but he told me if I refused to see him, he would cut his arms again, so I let him see me.So, what do you guys think? I know it was a bad relationship, but just how bad was it? What do you think of his actions?
What kind of crazy things have you let your SOs get away with?
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Comments (79)
Desperate and pathetic are the only 2 words I can think of :P
He disgusts me.
uh what the hell? that's flat out abuse dude, i'd like, get a restraining order or something...
@MilkyWhitesezMoo@xanga - Yeah, same here.
Wow is all i can say to this, why did u even let him get away with all of this? I guess this is what love does to a person. I use to let my ex's treat me this way and when i got older and more smarter i dont play that shit nomore, as soon as i can prove that a guy is up to something they are GONE for good. But i dont have to worry about that anymore because i am now happily married to my wonderful husband of four years =).
@MilkyWhitesezMoo@xanga - She wouldnt be able to get a restraining order out on him because he was not harrassing her, not abusing her or any of that so that wouldnt really be possible.
@BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga - well, yeah, he kind of is, he's threatening her "i'll kill myself if you don't let me see you!" "i'll hurt myself if you date someone new" <--- abuse
it doesnt even make sense if he's clearly more into the other chick
leave him. he needs to learn to deal with himself. aka grow the fuck up.
Let him die.
Also, I hate how people use a relationship as an excuse to allow their "significant others" to treat them like crap. People need to be more realistic about relationships and that it won't be like a stupid fairy tale.
Rant over. Yes, I'm mean, but this is the internet. No restrictions.
- Kunoichi
facebook is the jerry springer of the internet
both are psychos.
wow, I would never let anyone treat me like that. it wouldn't be over, but oh boy, would there be a big fight.
my ex tried pulling something like that with me. cheated on me with his ex g/f he had dated for three years, and tried telling me that I deserved it for being "clingy"-- and by clingy, he meant me showing up to surprise him after not seeing each other for a month, only to find out I ruined his and the ex-g/f's date night. yeah. I raised hell. My friend raised hell. He broke up with me for the shit my friend said, and for the longest time I blamed myself. I realized he was a jerk though, and I finally stopped considering it my fault.
Reality check number 1: Fact. He doesn't love you. He never did.. because he doesn't know what it means to love. You cannot love someone and continuously guilt them and hurt them and treat them like bull crap. People say it so much, people claim they feel it.. but no. It's not words that mean love, it's ACTIONS and he is not showing any actions to show he loves you. I guess.. unless he considers threatening himself for attention - loving you.
Reality check number 2: OMFG, if he loooooooves Michelle soooo much, shut the fuck up and go to her. Stop hanging onto you, guilting you, making you feel like shit. He should let you find someone better for you, someone who loves you, cares about you and makes you feel amazing, not out of control. Freak, immature people should not be in relationships and that's what he is .. and immature person.
Reality check number 3: Dump that douche bag now. He's been sneaking around you, lying to you, threatening you and guilting you continuously. If that's love in your definition I NEVER want to be in love. Girl, I know it's hard, but step away, nd leave him asap. You're a million times better then him. Please don't get into this cycle and LEAVE asap. Trust me, I've been in your exact place.
Ugh. I hate people with the name Michelle. They've ruined my relationships twice already.
jslfja.df
Sad thing? My name is Michelle too. >.<;;
My ex was all about playing the suicide card.
It's emotional abuse. Whatever happens is NOT your fault and you need to get away from it.
Let that idiot cut himself. Heck, he's the one trying to play grabby and love language with Michelle. I never tell my friends that I want to hold them, men or women. He should have been wiser with you.
He is completely self absorbed, and you can only trust him in the way that you can trust selfish people to be selfish. Time and again he has disappointed you, and beyond that he's done things that he knows will outright hurt you - because in your relationship there was only ever one person from his perspective, and that was him. It was always about his happiness, his priorities, his satisfaction and getting it his way. You were just another means to exploit to satiate his drama fixation. He even went so far as to transfer the blame of his self mutilation onto you, in order to conveniently justify his choice of Michelle over you. This of course is completely deceptive - in his heart and through his actions he had already chosen Michelle. This whole scandal was merely to alleviate his guilt, which suggests to me that beneath his moral bankruptcy there is a consciousness of right and wrong - he is simply electing to disregard it.
It couldn't be more clear that he's more interested in Michelle. Aside from having stated as much outright "Because of that, I can't bear to limit my friendship with her; I would rather lose you." his every action makes it increasingly evident that you're just a prop to remind himself of his own existence. He keeps you there not from any genuine and sincere affection for you, but for the same reason that spoilt children keep toys that they no longer play with - in his calculating selfish mind his vanity simply can't tolerate the thought of losing or compromising any part of himself.
He is an emotional parasite and any relationship with him would be beyond toxic. Don't be a puppet. You know better, and you deserve better.
It's emotional abuse. I feel like we all suffer an extent of it when in a relationship but this situation is when you need to get out. Before my current boyfriend, my friends had tried to match me up with 3 guys who all pulled the "if you don't do this, I'm going to kill myself." It was ridiculous. No one should ever stay with someone who pulls the cutting card. All you can do in a situation like that is refer him to the help he needs or bring him there (to make sure he goes).
Aside from that, the stuff with his female friend was ridiculous too. Guys always have the female friend who just seem to always get in the way (not trying to intentionally push blame on them but I'm in a situation right now where I'm stuck trying to figure out one of those ff's motives). But, the fact that he was hiding things from you and sharing them with his female friend is really suspicious of him. It's just something, when done in a normal context (without the cutting), that you have to keep in your mind, without directly letting it affect your relationship, until it seems to have way too much evidence for your suspicion.
how could you be bothered!
poor guy.
Just FYI: if he hurts himself, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Don't let him be around you, anymore. Tell him to go back to Michelle--since she's apparently so wonderful--and leave you alone! (if he's still bothering you.) You shouldn't be his emotional crutch.
-Katie
Honestly, this ex-boyfriend of yours has some serious issues. If him and Michelle are close friends, I don't see the problem in that. But when he starts crossing that friendship level, now it becomes a big problem. I have a lot of guy friends. I joke here and there and it's perfectly normal. However, I would not secretly go behind my boyfriends back to chat or I would definitely not go off and ridicule my bf over a picture he had sent me. This is bizarre behavior.
You really need to re-evaluate your relationship with this guy. He seems like a pathetic jerk. Also, if he's told you that he would rather have Michelle in his life, well then maybe they would be perfect for each other. Don't let him take advantage of you. He's done nothing but cause you heartache and stress. Don't let him control you. He needs help and I don't think you being with him is going to help much.
This is the shit I don't get. seriously. If they have sooo much in common, and he looooves her so much, and they cuddle with each other, why don't they just go out? Why lead you on even further? Does she have a boyfriend as well? Ugh, it disgusts me
I've gone through it already, and I've concluded that the guy I was with was only staying with me but still stayed close with the other girl only because she also had a boyfriend and she couldn't up and leave him. stupid.
@mizzxally@xanga - He says they don't cuddle and that they just joke about it. She has a boyfriend.
:)
UMMM WHAT THE FUCK?? lose the crazy ass drama-filled high school loser. if a guy wants to be with you, hell be with you. this kid needs honest to god help, if hes self mutilating-even if hes using you as an excuse. theres clearly some real problems underneath it.
HOLY SHIT. You stood for all that? I don't even know where to begin with this.