Thursday, 08 October 2009
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How Do You Flirt and Fall in Love?
I've been so out of the game that I figured, okay, I know what to do IN a relationship. That's easy. I've gone over it a million times in my head. What it means to treat her right, the do's and don't of a relationship, the types of misses to stay away from and the types of misses to stay with. I could write a book if I wanted.
Most of my knowledge comes from the experiences of my friends who are mostly girls. Well, one of the guys I work with on base who's a close family friend was giving me some tips on girls because he's that guy who loves to brag about all the girls they've been with. I can't hate on him, hey if you got it, you got it. It takes two to tango so we can't blame him for being a pig if she easier to cook than microwavable bacon. ;)
So the advice was (in my perspective) SETTLE, SETTLE, SETTLE. Girls like confidence apparently. Okay, I can see that. It makes sense. So toss a big net out there and play the number game. If you ask ten girls for their number, one of them is bound to give it up. Flirt a little, keep your confidence up because what's the worse she can do? Say no? Then move on. If not, bang her, build your confidence up some more and that's how you get the ball rolling. So just repeat.
It sounded genius, but it made me mad. See, I didn't have him as a role model growing up. I had Cory and Topanga. Stick with one girl and love her till you die. Then I realized, well shoot. How do I talk to girls in the first place? If the main thing is to have confidence, well, shoot how do I build my confidence? I can't just psyche myself out. Not to mention I get too worried that she thinks I'm trying to get in her pants or what not. No, I just want to talk. Can we just have a conversation? Then I get too worried that we're only going to be just friends. Oops, forgot to add the "can we work up to making out?" So it ends up being a self-conscious mess and by the time the girl gets up and leave I'm sitting there with my mind completely fried.
I don't like the idea of today's casual dating. I don't like the idea that I have to pay to communicate with my matches on eharmony. It seems so wrong and vile, so disrespectful almost. And guys, woo, guys love to "kiss and tell". Some dude who I can't even remember his name actually had the nerve to brag about how him and his homies ran a train on this girl at a party because she was doped up on ecstasy. Another guy bragged about how his ex's mom mended his broken heart by letting her sleep with him. I kept thinking to myself that these guys must have copped these stories out of the back of a Penthouse or something because both of them were shorter than me (and I'm only 5' 8") and I can honestly say I have no idea how a girl could be attracted to these dudes.
Then again, I guess it can't always be like what the TV and movies tell us.
Let me sit close to you. Let's talk. Let me be interested in what's going on in your life. Let me look into your eyes and tell you "wow, you're amazing." Let me ask you if we can do this again. Let me give me you my number. Let me know when you're free and maybe we can have dinner.
Let me know if I'm doing this right. Is this how you flirt and fall in love?
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- From: romeosintuition@xanga
- Name: Jin
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Comments (49)
Haha @ the bacon metaphor.
I like your approach. It's sweet. I just think that going into a relationship as just friends is so much easier, from a girl's point of view, because there's no pressure. I felt more comfortable with my now boyfriend when we were just friends, because I didn't feel any sexual pressure from him. Friends first is definitely my preferred approach.
That's rather direct. It's more like slipping in subtle physical and verbal hints in time while you're getting to know someone.
do those kinds of guys even exist anymore?
@d_ciao@xanga - definitely NOT :\
@d_ciao@xanga - @nylondare@xanga - YES! ='(
And yeah I can't help you, I have the same problem as you mang. The other side of it is, some girls do indeed like me, but I don't like them because I like only one person. (For long extended periods of time, too.) So I can't help but only focus on that one girl and I don't give up either. -.-"
you can't fall in love based on flirting. you fall in love when you get to know someone that you're attracted to. so i don't agree with the casual dating (unless you are just looking for something physical and non-committal) and i don't find any interest in online dating.
You sound very sweet. :o)
Cheers to you for not being a horny douche. =)hrm. i think you're thinking too much about flirting.
You seem like a very sincere guy. :] But I think you are over-analyzing this. You flirt to get a girl interested and to let her know YOU are interested. On the other hand, wanting to be in a relationship with a girl lies entirely on whether your personalities click. Nice guy like you, I'm sure you won't have any problems. :]
how do you fall in love? well, you have to trip the girls... make them fall for you and you've got them where you want them..
how do you trip them? well, you need to figure out what girls want... i can tell you in general, most girls like a guy who knows what they want to do in life, also most girls want a guy who's comfortable with oneself, and typically guys who are comfortable with themselves display confidence, like... they like who they are, and are capable of handling embarrassments... how to handle embarrassments, well, i can't tell you, you've got to experience it and earn your stripes...
but yeah, that's all i'll write about...
wow...he slept with his exs mom...thats insane thats like starting a war of i hate you w*** t** f*** is your problem so on haha
sounds like those dudes are jerks with big sausages and bacon complements sausages on a plate. those metaphors are gross. you seem to have more morals and self respect than the average person on datingish lol I don't know how to flirt without giving mixed signals either
I just completely ignore them and that seems to work.
This is an awesome post! Props to you. I'm sorta in the same mindset as you, focusing on that one girl in life. Problem is I don't know what girl is yet, its pretty tough to find that girl who really clicks with you. Good luck!
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it's not about flirting. when you find the right person, everything will become so natural that all the tricks and worries won't matter at all. if you think about it, all that advice given is complete garbage.
I too have been through plenty of those dating advice e-books and newsletters, and it's given me my fair share of cynicism at best. "When she asks for your number, call her on that bullshit and insist on getting hers first, don't give her yours, wait a few days to call her, laugh at her jokes less than she laughs at yours, be a challenge, if you don't kiss her by the 3rd date she's gone, girls will never ever come up to you and talk to you, nice guys are actually manipulative and selfish" (well... it depends on what you call a "nice guy", but still), "you have 5 minutes of talking to her before she makes her decision, you have to be sexual first and get serious later rather than being friends first," etc. etc. - and then those same guys write books for women that say "never ever go to him first, he has to prove himself to you, show him that you have other guys competing for you and that you have a life, make him call you several times before you answer, " etc. -
People are being made to feel as if they have to play games in order to attract people and find a relationship, too. It's not just casual flings anymore, and those advertisers know how to make it look as if even serious relationships require game playing, or else your partner will cheat on you without you even knowing it.
I think you're over thinking things too much. Girls love guys that are confident but not cocky. The one thing I can't stand about a guy is a guy who begins to flirt with me and then a couple minutes later he's flirting with some other girl! If you really want a girl to be interested you, show her that you're real and that you do actually want to get to know her and not just because you want a little something something later on. She'll sense it and that can be the start of a really great relationship.
It seems like people should be less involved with the process of dating. That's getting that experience of "acting" like anyone could be "in that moment" with you. So you create these moments- practice them, and, in my mind, cheapen them. When you get older, after someone breaks the wall of your ego a bit, you hate the whole process. Maybe you meet the One and he or she didn't cheapen the storybook or T.V. moments (the kind you really do hope to find genuine versions of in life), but you did so you think that all those moments are worthless and you cheat them out of it. Tell them stories about all your times and use them, their love and sincerity, to learn to be grateful for those days in your past. You still don't give them anything. I reccommend that when you go out dating, you do it because you want to- not to get those moments. Never try to create them. Let them happen. I don't mean to sound hateful, but I never had any of these moments. I went to dances as friends and came home quickly or in groups. I've only ever been to extremely formal events for dating. Its not the same as those Cory and Topanga times of sharing your growing up experience. When opportunities arose later to have these moments I felt like it would be a betrayal and continued to only go to those formalities which were unavoidable for me. Or I was a third wheel. I didn't mind when I was because I was never seeking to have those Cory/Topanga moments with anyone but the right one and the right time. That being said, "Boy Meets World" was a great show!
Aw! So cute! I wish that someone like you went to my school, all the guys there are jerks. But I would totally fall for someone like you!
actually. it is quite easy.
and cliche too.
be yourself. if she digs it, then you are in, if she's not, then she wasnt the one for you.
it is that simple.
but if you want more tactical advice. well, open her, entertain her, dont put the conversational burden on her, and let her interject everyonce in a while. approach physically, let her know that you are approachable and take steps back. make her want you and dont be desperate.
bring her into your life and show her that your life is awesome. and how do you do that? have an awesome life.
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@steph - friends in love, what could be better? =P
@Parsimony@xanga - i don't know how to be "subtle".
@d_ciao@xanga - errr which kind?