Thursday, 08 October 2009
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WYD Someone Who Has Been Divorced?
A few weeks ago, I met this guy named Alan. He's smart, he's funny, he's cute, and we have a lot of similar interests. (One side note: He's 28, which is 8 years older than me.) He's asked me out several times and I've said yes. However, due to my really busy college schedule and his unpredictable work schedule, the date hasn't happened yet. We still talk multiple times a day, but we haven't actually gone out yet.
Today, I decided to do some research and ask one of our few mutual friends about him. I found out that he has been married before. I'm not sure how I feel about it actually. It kind of bothers me that he's never felt the need to mention it before. I'm also not sure how that would affect a potential relationship.
Would you date someone who has been previously married?
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- From: xxquarterlifecrisisxx@xanga
- About Me: I've been told I was born in the wrong time period. I'm extremely passionate but easily bored. People either love me or hate me. I make friends easily, but don't keep them. I'm honestly scared of three things in life: failure, the past, and spiders. I love the colors gray and red together. My goal in life is to be a starving artist. I'm a terrible insomniac. I want to be beautiful when I grow up. My sister is my best friend. I'm pretty down to earth. I wish I was as intellectual as I am smart. I'm addicted to diet soda and adrenaline. I'm a bit of an attention whore. I'm brutally honest or very passive, depending on the day. I play the devil's advocate in most arguments. I have very little tolerance for stupidity, even less if that stupidity is willful. I'm really moody. I love thunderstorms, crunchy leaves, and adventure. I daydream a lot. I'm stubborn as hell. And someday, I'm gonna find someone who loves me, not in spite of these things, but because of them.
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Comments (39)
In this day and age,...yes. Lots of people get married too young and realize it was a mistake so they end up being divorced. I mean the divorce rate is pretty high...
Probably, yeah. I mean, I might question their decision-making ability in the beginning, but once I got to know them better everything would probably be fine :)
My first thought would be to say no but after thinking about it i would say yes. I dont think we should judge ppl based on the their past. Everyone makes mistakes and him getting married was just one of them. On a side note: just makes sure he's legally divorced before getting in too deep.
Tread carefully. People who've been married and divorced in the past are much more likely to get divorced again - its one of the single most predictive factors in divorce rates.
On the other hand, I'd be curious to know the circumstances around his previous marriage and subsequent divorce. Were they young? Did someone cheat? Etc.
Maybe he will tell about it on your first date. This kinda thing should be discussed face to face.
I dont mind but I made an exception for someone who is an ex-gay, and I would only know this IF he tells me before we date. :p
Due to my beliefs, it would depend on the reason he is divorced. The only reason I would date someone who had been divorced would be due to their spouse being unfaithful as the reason for the divorce.
But....I'm happily married and don't foresee needing to ever date again. :)
If I was single, sure. Divorce doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother them anymore
idk, but i def wouldn't rule him out of my dating oppurtunities
I was kind of dating a guy who was divorced. He didn't tell me right away because he didn't know how I would feel about it, so maybe that's why he hasn't said anything yet, he's not sure how you'd react. I see no problem with it, I mean especially if he's a nice guy why judge based off of his being divorced?
He
probably hesitated to tell you because he feared that you would
probably lose interest. Not saying he shouldn't be honest or anything
but maybe he does not know how to tell you just yet or even worse maybe
he's still not over the divorce yet. Well, considering you two have not
been out on that date you both planned, maybe he was going to wait
until the date did actually happen to fess up. I say, it's still a
little early on in the relationship. He'll eventually let you know when
he feels the time is right or when he feels like your ready to handle the news.
Going back to your question: Would you date somebody who has been previously married?
I
don't see the big deal. Unless the divorce happened because he was
caught messing around, then in that case, I say maybe you should keep
your distance. But if it ended on mutual terms or things just didn't
work out then why not? It happens. Considering he was young when he got
married and even when he divorced, maybe he rushed into marriage
suddenly thinking it would be the greatest thing ever and it didn't
necessarily turn out that way. Try it out and see how it goes. You
might be surprised.
Obviously, I think the main dealbreaker would be why he divorced but let's look at this logically:
Many people go through multiple relationships before marrying. Marrying someone who already has been married means you are marrying someone with the benefit of that experience. Another way of looking at a person who has married and divorced: A person who not only had the experience of a serious relationship but also almost went above and beyond with it.
If you look at it from a point-of-view coming from the other direction, many people are uncomfortable dating someone who has had no prior relationships (i.e no experience) since most "first relationships" don't work out.
For me, in some odd way I almost prefer to date someone who has been divorced since I naturally prefer someone experienced.
My fiance, who is 6 years older than i am, has been married previously. That marriage only lasted a year and ended because she was a tramp and slept around when he left for the army in order to provide for her, so i wouldn't take it to seriously. When people are young they tend to rush into things head first without stopping to analyze the situation. this generally ends in divorce lol.
just slowly approach the subject. or just wait for him to come to you about it. it could be really hard for him.... And don't forget, you guys aren't technically dating. he may be waiting for that date so that he can feel more comfortable talking to you about it? who knows.
i would have to really like him. the word divorce brings alot of baggage such as the ex-wife, the ex-in laws, if they have kids etc. im not saying that i wouldnt but i would really think about it twice. thats just my opinion, i respect everybody elses.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!
Being divorced myself, I'd say yes.
@utoppia@xanga - @steph - I agree.
I did. and I regret it. if he hasn't told you either, then I'd pass him up. too much damage - you don't realize they are damaged until they damage you.
Short answer yes, long answer it depends on the guy, how soon after the divorce, the baggage that is there, is he over her, is she PSYCHO. I have been friends with men who are divorced and know what they go through, it's so much harder than a break-up with a girl-friend, so all in all it depends on the situation and the guy, but I don't see them as "damaged goods" simply because they had once been married, especially when so many people have gotten married young and weren't ready for all that a marriage meant.
I would.
My dad is like the most awesome man ever and he has been divorced. My mom didn't want to get involved with him because he was in the middle of a divorce, but her friends set her up and got them to meet. And now I'm here.
Depends-most likely not just because of the baggage that person is gonna bring to the relationship. I would only do it if I were REALLY desperate and couldn't find anybody else to be with.
my boyfriend now was married before.she was a psycho of course which is what all guys say about their exes. anyways she hurt him and cheated with his friend and did all kinds of things and now he uses it as an excuse to hurt me and not trust me and its just a big messy situation that i wish i hadn't gotten into. if he would have told me from the beginning he was divorced we wouldn't be together but now we're having a baby so i'm kinda stuck.
i know for me i would like to marry someone who has never been married before.
No.
Probably. I'd have to know why.
People are so quick to judge others on their mistakes.
All you folks up there that just blatantly said "no" didn't take into account the factors that lead to a divorce. Those that said no would never date someone like me because I'm getting a divorce. But what if I told you that I was abandoned by my husband? What then?