Wednesday, 07 October 2009
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Can We Make An Inter-Faith Relationship Work?
A post quickly caught my attention upon loading the Datingish page. The writer talked about being in a relationship with an individual of a different race. Sweetie, props to you! I admire you for sticking with what you feel.
I have, a situation at hand, and after months of debating still don't know what I should do. I am crazy about this Ethiopian boy. And when I say crazy, I seriously mean it. He's been my best friend for over a year, but in May I found out that the both of us hold feelings for one another that are much stronger than just friendship.
Unfortunately, there is one HUGE factor that is stopping us from dating: religion. He's a devoted Christian, and I am a Muslim girl trying my best to practice.
Now you see, because of religion family plays a role in this problem. If I were to date him, and my parents were to find out, I'd be living in hell for who knows how long.
However, I am constantly wondering, why not? He and I are both mature enough to handle dating, and I'd be doing it because I hold emotions for him, not just for the fun of it. But, religion- it's a huge sin to date in Islam, and I don't know if I can handle that guilt. And God forbid my parents find out, dear goodness my siblings wouldn't ever forgive me.
I desire to be with him. I really do. I know he cares for me like no other being, and I do the same for him. He and I haven't talked about our relationship for a while, it always ends up upsetting the both of us. We only remind ourselves that it couldn't work.
My biggest question is: Should I date him?
I honestly can't ever see him converting to Islam, and unfortunately that means no future for the two of us. If I do date him, I risk losing him as a best friend (in a sense)
Datingish readers, I need some advice. Should I date my Prince? Would I be risking too much by making him my boyfriend?
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- From: ambercucumber@xanga
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 957 Comments: 0 41 View all posts by ambercucumber@xanga
Comments (41)
I think as long as you can handle where your future will lead, then you should go for it. Will you be able to raise children together? What kind of wedding will you have? I know that it sounds ridiculous to think about these things when you're not even in a relationship yet, but interfaith relationships take a lot of hard work. And will either one of you be detrimental to each other's faith? Will you both go to church AND both go to the mosque? These are things that you need to think about. But follow your heart. :) Just be prepared for what will occur if you DO go against what your family thinks/feels about interfaith relationships.
Wow. That's a tough spot to be in. It's hard because if this is someone you feel like you can be with than you should try, but I know life doesn't operate that way. Good luck to you.
Inter-faith relationships can work. I knew people who were together for TWO years where one was Buddhist and the other was Jewish. And when I was Christian, I dated an agnostic (I am no longer Christian, but his faith did not affect mine at all). Honestly, if you two are mature and can handle it, and explain it to your families, then hope it works out!
I believe with what @Lil_Firefly_25@xanga says. I'm currently in a relationship where I'm Buddhist and my girlfriend is Catholic. She never really asserted her religion on me and I never assert mine on her (or anyone else for that matter). The relationship can work if you guys make it work. The parents might be a different story however, but focus on your relationship first.
Don't date him. If you do and you want to marry and his and your parents don't want it to happen it won't work. I'm non-practicing Catholic and I dated a non-practicing Muslim (he's iranian american) and quite honestly, he's the love of my life but his parents had the last say and they said no. Don't put yourself through that heartache.
Isn't it torture to do this, at least somewhat? Knowing it couldn't go into anything serious because neither would switch to the other religion. If both of you are that devoted to your own faith and the practices of these differing faiths, you should try to find ways to each move on from the feelings for one another. Emotions are not enough for a relationship to work long-term. There are so many other factors..and it sounds already like you know of a few that would put a negative weight on your relationship.
I go through similar things with guys in my past, so I can empathize to some degree..it may be difficult and hurt now..but in the long run, it will be less hurt to end before it truly begins versus the deeper hurt of going into something now and then having to break it off after your feelings for each other have intensified.
Certain differences can be tolerated in a relationship, but religion isn't a preference in the same way your favorite color or restaurant is a preference. Religion is (or should be) the core of who someone is. Something that is such a huge part of someone's life, the foundation for who they are and how they make their decisions is not something that can be hidden or set aside for the sake of a relationship. If I were you, I wouldn't compromise.
You said this: "It's a huge sin to date in Islam". Is this true? I'm only asking because most of my Muslim friends in my country (Malaysia) are dating, and they never once told me it was not allowed by their religion. So I am confused. Unless, of course, by 'dating' you mean also having sex.
P.S. I am in no way trying to be offensive, but just trying to understand. Thanks
@FreeeVerse@xanga - Technically yes it is a sin to date. Unless of course, your version of dating is old fashioned courting, which is if your parents are there and you do not touch your date in a sexual way. Technically you can't touch him on purpose at all. And men are supposed to "lower" their gaze and be respectful. However, there are a lot of Muslims who disregard this and date anyway. I'm sure that Christianity does not allow today's version of a date either.
@The_Story666@xanga - Yeah, my version of dating is old-fashioned courting, LOL! I mean, I wouldn't like my parents being there while I date my boyfriend, but I meant no sexual advances and all that being done by us
And you are right, there are many Muslims who date with sex included.
I'm in a situation kind of like that.
She's Mormon, and I'm atheist. She's one of the greatest people ever, and she just might feel the same way about me... but dating her would just cause a lot of problems, esp within her family, and I don't want to be the cause of family tension, especially since their family is so close-knit, so I'm keeping my distance.
I hope you can find a way to make things work for you.
- John
I think it would be better to remain friends. A relationship with 2 different religions won't work, and by trying to make it work, you could change eachother and that never turns out good. It sounds like dating would be a mess. I hope you two make your friendship work out!
Easiest way to solve this is to dump faith. It keeps you both from what you want for no good reason yet you want to practice it. My only question is how is that logical at all?
i don't think they can work if both parties involved hold on too tightly to their religious beliefs.
@The_Aftershock_3650@xanga - wow, that's tough!
It depends on whether your family is really religious or not. Sounds like they are. A lot of factors work against you - the first being that you're a girl and if the society around you learned about your paramour, they'd probably shun/degrade you more so than if you were a boy who deserves to be able to fool around for a bit. It sucks.
I'm in the same exact situation. My sister found out, and it wasn't pretty. The difference is that he isn't devoted to Christianity to the point where it dictates his life. Was it worth it? I'd like to think so. After that experience with my sister, our feelings for each other really evolved. Of course, that just makes it harder in the long run, doesn't it?
I guess that if you're going to go through with this, move at a snail's pace. And delete any texts from him. :P
I personally dont think Id be able to handle that but thats just me
x
Oooh, cock blocked by God. I know the feeling all too well.
First and foremost, inter-faith relationships don't work. And I only mean this if you TWO are devout to your respective religions, since they differ so much. As to your current predicament, this has more to do with yourself than your family. Do you value your religion more than a relationship or less. If it's less, then nothing will stop you from pursuing this individual. If more, then you wouldn't even be asking the question, "Should I date him." You can't see him converting to Islam but do you see yourself converting to Chistiantity? If yes, that's pretty one sided and again maybe religion isn't as important to you as you may be telling yourself.
I converted to Islam from Judaism by choice and not for any woman and I can tell you this, I value my faith more than any relationship. Sure my family gave me a hell of a hrd time, some still don't speak to me, but it is something I passionately believe in and there is no way I would give up my religion for anyone else. I don't see why I would have to give up MY core values for someone else. From what I can tell you're seriously considering this so he could be a potential for marriage, etc. I know that I want my children in the future to be raised with the simple teachings of Islam. What you have to ask yourself is do you mind having someone else's religion brought onto your hypothetical children?
Of course when you ask yourself these questions, you need to think from your own perspective. In this day and age it's easier to abandon faith and you will have many more supporters who will tell you to do so but again, the main question is, what role does faith have in your life? Is it important or not?
This is definitely a tough situation. I don't doubt that inter-faith relationships won't work out but it'll definitely get complicated once you start having children. What religion would you guys want them to practice? If you decide you want them to choose your religion, your SO might want otherwise.
My family practices Buddhism. When my sister met her husband, he was a Catholic. This caused a great strain in their relationship because each family was truly devoted to their religion. But their love was enough to see it through so she made the tough decision to convert. My parents were a bit disappointed at first but respected her decision.
Usually, in my culture, I am Vietnamese, when a woman marries a man she's pretty much expected to give up her way of living and to follow his. Just like how the woman takes the last name of the man when they get married. Well, at least most of them do. But other cultures are different and will look at things in a different light.
If you really love him, I would take the chance. True love is hard to come by and you might regret the decision if you do decide to let him go. If you end up marrying someone just because they share the same religion as you then you're only so limited. I say, take the risk.
Good Luck!
A person's faith can touch the deepest part of him or her. I am a believer in Christ, and it affects the entirety of who I am and what I want in life. I could not date a person of another religion (no matter how much I loved him), because at the deepest level, we would be incongruent. We could not have true intimacy, and we would be moving in different directions.
DON'T DO IT. If he's really a devoted Christian then it will not work. You might think it can but it won't. Keep him as a friend. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't do it!!!!!!!!
Go for it! I say try...I mean, as a born Episcopalian Christian dating a Polish-Israeli Jewish boy, it's not too hard because I don't choose to practice any kind of religion now. He's told me that only his friend's mom had made a comment about it, and he told her that "God would forgive him because it's true love" XD
Try talking to your family about him -first-, not to get their approval, but to get them comfortable with him. Maybe bring him around a few times for dinner, or just to hang out. You can't let religion get in the way of love, and even if it's important in your life, you can both make it work.
Well...I have always seen dating more as courtship. Not as serious, but dating is a way to know what you want in a future mate. If you are dating someone that you would never marry, then you are wasting your time and his. Plus, as you eluded to, your friendship could be ruined. I think it could work, but depending on how strong you both feel about your chosen religion, it won't. Also, think of how confused any children the two of you had, would be. Good luck...Hope everything works out.
YES go for it.
That's some pretty deep water. You've really just got to decide what's more important to you, what's worth risking, and what you can do without. I mean, it CAN work, but just be prepared for a really really hard road. One, if not both of you, would most likely have to give up a huge part of who you are. Many parts in fact. It might be worth it, I don't know.