Wednesday, 07 October 2009
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Never Kiss and Tell?
I have been asked one question all day long. "How is it going with (we'll call him Jack)?"
Ok, back up time.
I've really liked "Jack" for a while. Last Tuesday I sucked it up and asked him out, to which he replied "well it just depends on when!" We switched phone numbers, and since have been working on setting something up.Backing up even further, I was going to keep the whole liking him and asking him out thing a secret, just so too many people didn't get involved and foil my plans. Being a senior in high school, I should have known that keeping a secret is... well, impossible. I had only confessed to one friend my plans, and that friend was my "relationship advice" guy; we give each other relationship advice and support each other in our dating encounters. The night before I asked him out (I had been planning this for like, a week and a half), I finally burst and confessed to my other friend while riding on a bus on our way home from a soccer game. Sitting in the back corner, I figured it would be hard for anyone to hear what we were discussing.
...I should have known.
"OH MY GOD!!!" She squealed with delight. All the sudden I had 5 pairs of eyes upon me, all wanting to know what the big deal was. I had to confess what my plan was to them as well. This cycle repeated, until 16 people later my whole soccer team knew what the plan was. Part of me was relieved that I could lean back and have their support; our team is almost like family, so not a lot is kept a secret. And they were very supportive; Jack is a junior and most of my team is juniors, so they know him fairly well and figured he'd say yes. However, all the sudden I had 16 different people giving me 16 different opinions on how I should ask him out, what we should do on our first date, and wanting to know about every interaction between the two of us!
See, this is why I was unsure about telling people- I have never asked out a guy. I've been asked to be someone's girlfriend, but I've never dated before. I want my whole first dating experience to be low key and simple. I don't want him to be nervous about it and I don't want to be nervous about it- I just want it to be fun! I don't see him 20 times a day- one or two times, max. So I want the time we spend together to not be complicated. I have found myself worrying constantly that I'm going about everything all wrong, which I didn't start doing until my friends all started telling me what to do! Plus I become slightly agitated when my friends ask me every 20 minutes for updates when I haven't seen him and I can't give them an update... I feel like I'm doing something wrong!
All in all, I've found my friends to be a blessing and a curse in this situation.
What about you? Do you enjoy giving your friends details about relationships, or is your personal life totally private?
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- From: bass_chick57@lovelyish
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Comments (24)
I tell a lot to my best friends. We talk about our love/sex lives in excruciating detail.
I tell everyone everything :/
Its not totally private. i just ask two of my close friends and only one of them knows everything.
I usually keep silent
I keep everything private.
The only things I tell are:
- Things that have already happened (ie - he asked me out!)
- And those I only tell to those 3-4 people who I know are reliable... haha.
This behavior has gotten me in murky water with many a group of girls though. They think I hate them because I don't tell them ALL stuff like that. I just don't like being discussed.
I used to tell everything to my best friends, even the physical activities I did with my boyfriends but now, I open up to them selectively. Why? I like the fact that it's peaceful and I worry about my shit without 3 or 5 people asking me what the fuck is wrong. If I ever need a friend, I'll talk to them. I'll share a minor funny provocative thing or two but that's it. I've set limitations. It's also because when I was dating my ex, we were both happy and everything was smooth and simple but I was too happy and shared my details about him with my friends. They freaked out and started getting all technical and would ask me things like, "You guys DO talk, right?" And they started acting like something is wrong which made me something is wrong (although nothing was ever wrong) that led me to doubts and him eventually getting annoyed with me and we broke it off. So I got frustrated at that. I don't care about what people think anymore but I can't risk a single worry that's unnecessary enter my head.
I prefer not to tell my friends everything. My boyfriend is pretty much my best friend, so I usually go to him first. haha
@ELIZerson@xanga - You are smart to do it that way.
i personally hate sharing personal things like that, and dont enjoy talking about my feelings and such, so i very rarely share things with my friends or family. and when i do, its to one or two of my best friends that i know won't tell a soul. (:
That sucks, but good luck! I guess it has to do with you being so ~~~**popular**~~~! Rofl! Yeah I usually just let people figure it out unless it's just a simple, "Yeah, we're going out." I mean, I dated a kid from my church a white ago and I knew people were talking a little about it, but my situation wasn't as full-blown as yours.
@steph - SEX TOO ?_?
Omg, thank lord I'm still in high school and don't have these kinds of conversations. It'd be SOOOO awkward. Bahahaha. -shifty eyes-
@Lil_Dude433@xanga - It's not awkward at all, haha. They're my friends, and I can tell them anything.
i tell a couple of people somethings...everyone else mums the word
i try to keep things a secret, but sometimes i get so excited i like telling everything. xD
Whatever happens with me and my boyfriend in private, stays with US. It's not the world's business to know what goes on!
I have a few ppl who I talk to about stuff but that's it
Eh, it depends.
I try not to talk about my life, but I'd gladly like to ask others for help when I'm in trouble
If he's not asking you out, he's just not that into you.
He might say yes when you ask him out, but that's because he doesn't want to be a jerk. But seriously.... let me repeat this...
If he's not asking you out, he's just not that into you.
i tell my two close friends. yeah, of all of the friends that i have, i lower it to two when it comes to my more private things. Why? I have learned the hard way that you cant always trust all of your friends. so know, i just tell my two bffs and they tell me. of course, some things i keep private between me and my guy but the rest i let my girls know.
I prefer to keep stuff to myself especially bedroom details.
I kept stuff to myself with my friends, i didnt trust them and i didnt feel they were my true friends.
It's good to have friends that you can discuss anything with, but some things are still okay to keep private. In your case, it seems like it would've been best if this had been kept a private matter.
For me, I keep things like this private. It is no one's business. I'm no longer in high school, but even back when I was my friends knew that it was probably not the best thing to do to ask me constantly how things were going with my boyfriend or to give them constant updates. It was a pretty easy way to irritate me. And when I get irritated it's just a very short hop to angry. If I want to tell someone something, I will.
I also hated it when my friends tried to coax information out of me. I don't consider this being a good friend, I consider it be an annoyance. It doesn't make me feel better to tell someone something that I didn't originally want to tell them in the first place, or didn't know yet if I wanted to tell them. It just makes me feel pushed around. And I don't like that feeling.
My friends know this about me, and they're good friends so they respect this about me. Always have. And if they slip up, I always let them know that they're on the verge of irritating me and if I want to tell them something then I will. Not a moment sooner. Sometimes, they don't like to be told things like that quite so bluntly, but they know that when I do that I'm being serious.
We understand each other and our boundaries. And we do our best to always respect these things. Otherwise, you're kind of doing more hurting than helping.
Either way, maybe you should talk to your friends in your own way so that they will understand your desired boundaries and not be offended. I really doubt that you're doing anything wrong as long as Jack is being responsive to you. You said that you're working on setting something up, so obviously you can't be doing things wrong if he's interested.
Good luck! :)
haha this is why i try to keep things to myself. plus after a while it gets tiring explaining everything 320984 times.