So a guy I'm dating has a problem: I have a lot of homework and can't talk to him like how I did in the summer.
First of all (and probably what all of you are thinking), what the hell is his problem?!
Yes, I know. On multiple occasions, he got angry at me because I was studying while he was on the phone. It is not my fault that I go to a very prestigious and highly respectable school and you just go to some college in Ohio just to play football. My professors expect A LOT out of us and I can't put aside MY studies for a guy who doesn't even have a job. Really.
One day, I asked him, "Well, if I don't do this homework, then who will support me and my daughter?" (I have a little girl not by him) He said, "I will. You can be a housewife."
It took all of my might to not cuss him out. All I could think was "You could NEVER afford me. The profession I'm majoring in salary is $196,000-250,000 a year". I just couldn't believe he actually supported the fact of me being his little housewife while he's the computer tech-whatever-he-wants-to-do bread winner. I respect housewives deeply, but I am the type of person who HAS to be independent. I hate depending on people.
I still can not believe that he refuses to talk to me if I say that I'm studying. I know I push myself a little hard when it comes to school, but I would like some support here being a young, single mother going to a school that costs more about the same as two Toyota Camry's.
I know what you are all thinking. "You should leave him alone", and you know what? I am. I can not deal with a guy who could never support my dreams while he goes on with his own. So yes, I will be leaving him alone very soon. =D
Have you ever dealt something like this or dealt with a guy or girl who didn't support your dream?
Would you ever listen to your significant other if he/she told you he/she didn't like what you were doing and wanted you to stop?
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Comments (51)
Good for you for leaving him! Seems like a bum, tbh. And what was with that housewife crack?!
Also, good for you for being so dedicated to what you want to do!
I like this post. It's not whiny, it's not "omg wut shud ii do?!" You seem like a strong girl who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to be that go-getter.
Best of luck to you, girl!
ew... what a jerk. break up with him. i respect you for having dreams and working hard to achieve them. i'm sure you can find someone more similar to you at the school you're currently attending
I couldn't deal with a guy that expected nothing out of me except cooking, cleaning, and child-bearing.
I'm going to a prestigious school in order to study clinical psychology with a concentration on neuroscience and a cognitive science minor. If a guy couldn't understand that I can't talk sometimes because I'm too busy memorizing the types of tissue in the body or understanding how the entire brain works, well he's just going to have to deal.
You need to keep in mind that guys mature a hell of a lot slower than women do. So while his views may seem idiotic to you now, chances are he'll grow to understand that you need to be independant. If breaking it off is really what you want to do, then by all means do it, but dont do it just because he's being a bit of a tard. You will always do what YOU want to do, wether he's there or not, so just keep it in mind.
Good luck on your studies!!!
Personally, I love the idea of being a housewife. But at the same time, an education is a MUST HAVE for myself. That's just something I need to achieve, to attain.
So GO YOU! for putting your education, dreams and most of all, your little girl in front of him! :D
I'm trying to believe that some day men will appreciate intelligent women. Right now, I can name very few.
I am so with you! I'm traditional and I believe in the whole housewife perspective but at the same time, I do not need someone else to go out there and make money for me. I can do it for myself.
My husband is in his last year of college. After he graduates, he's going to become an X-ray technician, that's of course if and when he passes the state exam. For now, I'm pretty much holding down the fort, helping him through college all the while trying to be the financial backbone for our family. We have a 3 yr. old daughter together. And to be perfectly honest, I'm OK being the "man" in the relationship. He has told me that once he finishes and finds a job, I can stay home, if I would like, and just take care of the kid(s). I told him that it was nice of him to suggest such an idea but that I would still continue to work because I love the idea of being a working mother/woman.
Also, with today's economy, I think it's important to have two incomes coming in because one just won't cut it anymore.
Good for you for being such a strong and independent woman!
My husband is smart enough to realize that I could never do that.
We don't have any kids, and aren't planing on them yet, but, I would like to stay at home until our kids are old enough to go to kindergarten. Daycare is expensive and if we could pull it off, I'd do it....
Mark [husband] supports my dreams and motivates me to be a better person. He is pretty much okay with whatever I chose to do. :)
@mustardcat@xanga - That's BS and stereotyping not all us guys are immature and mature slower than women .
I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself and your dreams.
I'm so glad you didn't end your post with something like "I love him so much I don't know what to do, please help!" I don't think I'd put up with a guy who treated me like that. And you shouldn't either. You're obviously a strong person who has achieved so much and you don't need some guy to hold you back from achieving your potential.
Good luck with everything :)
I agree that he should support you in what you want to do but to me that is not the reason you want to break up with him. It seems you see him being less of a man for not having a job and not going to a prestigious college like you because as you said he doesn't even have a job and goes to some college just to play football. If I was him I would break up with you because it makes no sense being with a woman you can't support. Don't take that housewife comment so seriously he most likely doesn't want you at home just cooking , cleaning and as some women say being a slave but wants to be able to properly provide for you and your daughter.
@tigerclaw27@xanga - It's a proven fact that guys mature slower than woman do, I'm sure there are some who are the opposite, but the majority of them do. And I'm not saying they're ALWAYS less mature than women throughout their whole life, I'm talking about that specific time. Its kind of obvious that the guy she is talking about falls under that category.
Dude ditch that loser.
You ditched him?! Nice! It's finally nice to see a woman who won't change just because she "loves" her boyfriend/ husband. Being in "love" isn't going to get you anywhere in society unless you're marrying for money (even then, it's not because they like each other). I congratulate you and your future success!
*high five*
- Kunoichi
Sounds like you aren't supporting his dreams, either. You need to keep things out in the open. He is just feeling unwanted and unappreciated. No one likes that. He misses you. Don't leave him because he misses you. Talk things through.
It's good you aren't letting him get you down, though. I hope things work out
Wait...
Were you studying while on the phone with him, or were you saying "we can talk later, I'm studying now"?
I do respect you for keeping to your dreams. Don't get me wrong; that's highly admirable and no one should stop pursuing their (reasonable) goals because their significant other is unsupportive.
I'm simply wondering if you were, I don't know, trying to multi-task while on the phone with him and were distracted from the conversation.. While I do respect you for doing your homework first, if you are in a long distance relationship you should be able to find some time to have focused phone calls. He should respect that you have a more difficult workload, but I'd be irritated too if my SO would never make time to just talk to me.
I'm not 'on his side' in the sense that I think you should stop attending school and be a housewife for him, but.. I really don't blame him for wanting to talk to you when you're not studying and can give him full attention.
Good for you. Stand up for those dreams :D
I agree that it's dumb he doesn't support you and understand, but the quote:
" It is not my fault that I go to a very prestigious and highly respectable school and you just go to some college in Ohio just to play football."makes you seem kinda stuck up...I mean, it doesn't make you a better person because you go there as opposed to a state school. Sorry, I know that's not the intent of your post but just stuck out to me, sorryWhat are you majoring in..?
I totally understand where you're coming from. Building up your future is important, especially if you've got a little one to worry about. I really give you credit for going out there and pursuing what you what.
Now, I'm not covering up for him. You do have every right to be upset with him. And, as someone said here, if you really think breaking up with him is the right decision for you, and your future, you should go for it (if you haven't already). But at the same time, I don't think he meant the housewife thing in a bad sense. I know you'd like to make it on your own etc. but I think he meant well by that comment. It shows he's actually willing to work for two people so you can take care of your child. I don't want to stereotype, but a lot of the "men" I see can't even offer such a thing for spouses who actually really do need to stay home for different reasons.
I'm at the point in my relationship, where I'm the girl and I'm done school and in the workforce, while my boyfriend is still in college. I know and appreciate the fact he's going to school to get an education in order to get a decent job in the future, but sometimes, I do really want his attention and time. Call me selfish or clingy, that's probably true. But it does hurt if you feel your partner has no time for you, and it can make you really upset.
I think if he really loves you, he'll try to work it out with you. But on the other-hand, if you really love him/really care for him, you would sit down and try to understand it from his point of view. You both need to fully understand each other's situations.
Before I get into a relationship, I usually ask the guy what's his dreams/goals are. I really dislike ones who doesn't have one or doesn't know what they want to do with their life. On the other hand, I have dreams/goals that I want to reach in life. So with my current bf now, he has dreams/goals that he wants to achieve in life too. He's willing to support/stand behind me through it, and I'm willing to do the same. We both are busy people and hardly any time to see each other. He works a lot and I go to school full time and work part time. So we said we'll meet in the middle. He's pretty understanding, that's what I like about him.
@unabridgedtales@xanga - i agree.
sometimes it's hard for people to really explain what their issue is, and instead they blame it on other things. however, i only know what you wrote...maybe he is a dick. regardless, it's admirable that you are working to better yourself and your life, as well as your daughter's.
i mean i like the idea of being able to stay home, but after a while of being a housewife, i'd go crazy. god I would definitely need to be independent. Can't stand being so dependent like that.
Props to you!
He sounds like a jerk ;x.