Tuesday, 06 October 2009
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The Great Debate: How Many is Too Many?
So the other day, my girlfriend and I got into an argument about the number. She was telling me about her brother who always brings home a different girl every weekend; she then goes on to talk about these girls like she knows who they are or what they're going through. Now, I'm not judging these girls on my girlfriend's merit; I mean, this is the same girl who couldn't believe that I was letting a guy, who I had been seeing for two or so weeks, put his hands on my thigh as we were watching a movie. This is also the same girl who does not easily trust men because they only want one thing and despises girls who "sleep around." Now, what I find interesting about all of this is that while she was talking badly about these girls that her brother brings home, she never once said anything about her brother being "slutty." I couldn't help but wonder what his number was compared to the girls he brought home.
Anywho, I've been seeing this new guy for a few weeks now. Since I had just recently listened to my girlfriend complain about these girls who sleeps around and her brother who contributes to their sleeping around, I was curious what the new guy's number was. He didn't give me a number but did disclose some information -- over twenty, but no more than thirty. GROSS!
I have a HUGE problem with this. You see, I've only slept with two guys in my entire life and I'm twenty-five. I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-one and I'm glad I lost it to someone when I was older because I don't regret it. Now the second guy, well, we all know how that one ended. Needless to say, when this new guy told me his number, you could say I stop answering his phone calls and his text messages.
So are my questions:
What's with the double standard? (In reference to my girlfriend's hasty conclusion about the girls her brother brings home.)
In your opinion what's an appropriate number? (Say for a someone my age)
And is it wrong of me to feel grossed out and cut out any guys I feel has too high of a number?
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- From: TheUglyTruth
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Comments (100)
I don't like my future girls with er, messed up, er, porn star stuff. :/ I mean, single digits would be preferable.. But I dunno.
These numbers are illusions formed by varying degrees of prude-ness to attempt to find similar traits within two attracted peoples. The numbers do not matter at all. If the numbers have resulted in any sort of sexual transmitted diseases, or other living organisms (not orgasms) then the numbers suddenly matter. The connections we make to these numbers are problematic and often stereotypes. Too many, your a slut! Too few, you've been too busy humping that bible!
It is accurate though to attach certain connotations to every number. If someone has only had one partner, it is usually accurate to say they are not very experienced. And so on.
How many is advisable? Decide for yourself.
The number 23....
But really, as long as your partner is clean and you're practicing safe sex (or whatever) why does it matter? You're just going to screw yourself out of potentially great relationships because you can't get over the fact someone has had more sexin' than you? Lol
i think you should only have sexual intercourse with (a MAXIMUM of) three different people in your lifetime - the first person is your 'first experiment,' your second person is (hopefully) the step up from the second (and also provides you with a comparison base for sex... i.e. if your first was bad, this one was good or vice versa) and then your husband/wife.
i'm currently a virgin.
it depends on the person. For some people, 10 is to high. others, 20.
for me, 2 would be too many.
@schallerbrandon@xanga - @RazorBladeParade@xanga - Your right in that the number doesn't determine the character of the person (or it may seem), but a person's character quality has a nearly strict influence on what it takes to get them to bed.
@jasonwl@xanga - Character? How many times has that gotten you laid?
Just kidding, but not really. You have a point.
@iiinfinitesimal@xanga - My goal is one. I put a high degree of respect on my future spouse; if she exists.
@RazorBladeParade@xanga - haven't you ever noticed that some vaginas have different shapes though? (from too much banging... YUCK!) that would definitely turn me off :/ still not too many is best. if they're a virgin, i'll teach them. :D
@snapeful@xanga - can't say I have actually. Lol
Dude, xanga really needs to start controlling hackers/trolls. ^
Anyways, I prefer to date guys who only sleep with girls they've been in a legitimate relationship with (loving, caring, all that good stuff). If he had a few one night stands, that would be okay, too, although I'd want him to get tested before we have sex.
So since you're 25, I think anything below or around 4-6 is fine for me. and it's fine that you're grossed out! I would be, too. I can almost imagine the STD "particles" crawling all over his penis...
Concerning friends, I really could care less how much they sleep around, as long as it isn't affecting them negatively. Concerning my brother...I'd rather have no idea if and how he's made sexual contact with other people.
I know how it sound a little double standard that men would sleep around alot are considered players, while girls who sleep around alot are considered sluts. Not that player is a good title or anything.. But with guys, nothing goes in them.. Whereas girls, something does go in them.. I know I'll probably get alot of negative feedback for this, but it's just how I see it to be.. I've been with about 6 people in my life, but have only loved two....
shameless asshat that posted all of the "slut" garbage needs to get a hobby...
That said, the average american male has 7 sexual partners in his lifetime. The average female has 4. Take from that what you will.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19374216/
My take on it? There are lots of ways to live, and to my knowledge no one person has found just the right way. The "don't knock it til you've tried it" approach can't really work here, since you can't try both sleeping with lots of people and not.
Long story short... if i makes you uncomfortable that someone you are with has been with that many people, talk about it. If you aren't satisfied with the answer or the discussion, drop his ass for a newer model.
Alternatively, if you have had sex with a lot of people and thats the way you live, more power to ya. I'm not much of a promiscuous guy, but happiness comes in lots of shapes.
$0.02
i think "too many" is anything more than you're comfortable with. i don't think anyone can tell anyone else what "too many" is. also, you can cut whoever you want. it's your dating life, and you can have your standards.
the fucking trolls are annoying.
1 every hour.
@jeffgodofbiskuts@xanga - if a guy has an average of 7 sexual partners, and a girl has an average of 4 sexual partners... then something doesnt really add up unless its like 1 guy and 2 girls... but girls usually arent into that thing... I'll bet you some of the guys were lying.
0 seems about right before you are married.....1 after you are married.
girls get looked down upon when they have had too many and guys don't seem to care.
honestly, under 10 is fine by me any more than that and i don't care what age he is, i would be worried sleeping with him.
well it also depends on what he did-whether he had a threesome and another guy was there
or was it an orgy that amounted to the 30 people or was he at a swingers party or a guy that slept with 5 hookers versus a guy that slept with 15 virgins. there are lots of technicalities, so I'd rather not know sometimes. I'll just take other precautions, such as taking a professional lie detector test, std test, background check for criminal activities, complete health exam/blood work tests for hiv/aids, credit check to see if he is financially responsible, and also must pass the iron man test to test his endurance and overall strength to prove he is superman because I'm only marrying someone like superman
Lol that's about it
I don't know what the "right" number for anyone is. But NOBODY, male or female should be sleeping with several different people a week or even in a month in my opinion. But then I don't believe in (or approve of, but won't be someone down for) one-night stands. SOME casual sex is fine, but not all the time.
Numbers might reflect character based on their integrity on the sanctity of marriage but like statistics of death and marriage it doesn't always tell the factors of either. It really reveals that there are issues and obstacles pertaining to commitment on either end of the numerical spectrum.
I think if I knew my current bf's number... we wouldn't be dating. Which is why I never asked, nor wanted to know. I know hes been tested, I know hes clean... and thats all I WANT to know.
I did go on a date with a kid once (a little immature baby of 17 or so - forced by a friend who wanted to see me "get out there" again) who I knew was a little manwhore. So I was curious of his number... which he dutifully cut in half when he told me (my friend knew the real number). He told me 18 - her estimate was around 36... AT 17 YEARS OLD. And she wanted me to DATE this kid? Talk about walking STD. I obliged though cause it was Valentines Day & it involved free food & entertainment. At one point we went to my house (cause the kid didnt have enough money for a proper first date) and I tortured him with watching old One Tree Hill DVDs cause my cable was out... & I justifyed it cause he played basketball LOL ....
At one point he turns to me & says, "You know, this is nice, I've never really done this." So I'm sitting there wondering what on Earth he means and of course I asked & he goes, "Just sat with a girl and watched TV & talked." I LAUGHED... & then wondered... WHAT KIND OF GIRLS ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH?!?
As far as numbers go though... I don't ask when I know its going to get in the way of a good thing. Because as much as I've seen my boyfriend change from a total manwhore to a one woman, monogamous relationship guy, the past would bother me if it was brought up.
Anything YOU aren't comfortable with. you don't want to start bringing other people other then family or a sexual therapist into your personal sex life. nothing wrong with questions but at the end of the day, its all about what you feel. hope that helps you though.
i have personally fucked over 100 girls....in my dreams...
If the person is disease and child-free, the number of people they've had sex with isn't a deal breaker (honestly, in a few years having a kid may not be a deal breaker, either.)
But, if the number is fairly high--say above 15 for someone my age (20) I would definitely have questions and possibly some insecurities about the whole thing...
But, like I said, not a deal breaker. I don't care if someone is capable of having casual sex as long as they're also capable of having intimate/attached sex (I know those aren't the best words to use, but you get what I mean?)