Monday, 05 October 2009
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Online Personal Ads: Tips for Men From a Woman
I was browsing through some online personal ads and realized that, comparing the men's and women's, there are some major disconnects.
Everybody knows that spambots browse personal sites sometimes to get men (usually) to join their adult (usually) websites. Half the personal ads online mention something to this effect -- "Tell me what the weather was today so I know you're real," or "NOT joining any websites for 'verification'!" or "Use something about as the subject line of your reply!"
Many of the men's ads contain despairing remarks wondering if real women EVER reply to personal ads. Well, we do. If nobody is replying to your ad, there might be a reason!Check out the following hints from a girl who knows
Remember that WE have to like YOU, too.
If you're a middle-aged high school drop-out living in your mother's basement and spending every afternoon at the bar... why the hell would a sexy young lady with a good career want to hang out with you or have NSA sex with you? Be realistic in your expectations.
Tell us why we should pick you instead of all the other guys here. Even if you can't think of a way you're better, what makes you unique?
Do you play a musical instrument? Have a cat with a personality disorder? Maybe you go hiking every Sunday afternoon, or like to fix up cars for fun. Maybe you have every single Goosebumps movie on DVD, or know how to make really good stir-fry.
Just give us some tidbit about your personality to make you seem more interesting, more human than just words on a screen.It is one WOMAN, two WOMEN. Spell it right, PLEASE.
One letter may not seem like such a big deal, but when you can't even spell the simplest of words, it makes you look like a total moron. You may still get replies, but using poor spelling, textspeak, etc., means fewer women will even click on your ad and read it -- much less reply.We do NOT need to see photos of your DICK.
If you want to offer to show those who reply, okay. But you'd be shocked at how many women DON'T automatically think, "Hmm, this guy seems interesting. I wonder what his wee-wee looks like?" You're a lot more likely to be turning women off with your total lack of understanding.
Yes, sometimes a girl will be curious about the size and shape of your penis. But most of us, when we're looking for a good time, are looking for a guy with a certain kind of personality that makes good times happen. What you do with your stick is a lot more important than what it looks like.If you're married, SAY SO.
Some women are okay with illicit affairs. Others don't want to be "the other woman," even just for NSA sex. And when you want a "platonic" friendship with a woman, be honest about whether this is something you're going to hide from your wife. Some women will be okay with this, but hiding the truth isn't fair to the ones who aren't.Don't misrepresent yourself.On behalf of all the women who ever read personal ads, THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING THESE GUIDELINES!
Don't say you spend all your time working out when you really watch TV. Don't say you're a banker when you really deliver pizzas. There will be women who are interested in guys like YOU, but by pretending to be something you're not, you're ruining your chances with them.
The kind of girl who likes WoW and 4chan isn't going to reply to an ad from a guy who says he's more into football and keggers. You're more likely to find someone you'll actually like if you are honest about your interests.
Do you agree with these guidelines? What are your online personal ad pet peeves?
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- From: everybodysfriend
- Name: Lilly
- About Me: just another girl...
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Comments (24)
wow, Im not in the dating pool right now, but this almost makes me want to sign into something to see those ads (for fun, not to inquire on , lol) Ive seen some weird personal ads on craigslist like that. I'd have to say if I were trying to approve for a friend, the biggest peeve and personality trait is how they type. if the start "talkyn lik dis n' not chattin it up riyt" thats a big no-no in my book. But thats a behavior issue to me lol, some women might like that. =P
i checked out craiglist a few months ago simply out of curiosty after hearing some funny stories about what was up there. and let me tell you, it was shocking. some of the ads seem genuine, while others are blatantly, well, weird.
like the guy who only wanted a woman who wold bring her cat on the dates.
or the man who posted actual size requrements that he "needed" to be "sexually complete"
just weird.
what the hell is NSA sex? it sounds sterile
i guess i agree, but i don't see anything wrong with the guys trying to void spam. i don't see it as them questioning whether real women would reply... i think they just don't want spam.
I can agree with this. I haven't looked at personals in quite a while though.
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - No strings attached.
Haha. Yeah. Definitely don't send me pictures of your manhood. Blehhh.
Hey. Speak for yourself on the dick pics!
Honest? You mean I can't claim to be a fifty-year-old serial killer with a glass eye and a cane?
...
I might be in trouble. :P
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - Enough of it might MAKE one sterile.
@poet85@xanga - sounds like neil gaiman... seriously, ever read his book american gods? sounds like the guy wednesday.
but rofl.. those are awesome guidelines
All dating website users need to read this before they create their profiles!
honesty is a good policy too
Thanks for posting! I have been in the online dating game a while now and all of what you wrote is SO TRUE AND THEN SOME! How about the guys who ONLY talk about sex? its pathetic!
Well! Good thing I'm completely innocent of the above transgressions...
*logs onto OKCupid*
Very funny article. I enjoyed it.
guys actually write stuffs like that for personal ads?!
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - I agree that they don't want spam. But I actually read a bunch that started with stuff like "Idk if there are any real girls on here, but..."
One thing I don't get is when they say not to email if you're a bot. I mean, seriously. If you're able to read that and pay attention, presumably you're not a bot... right?
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - It IS sterile. Well, that's the hope, anyway.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - I am. Oh, lord, I am. *winces* The ads were so funny... and then... and then... *shudders* some 63 year old with greying hair... *gags* I am scarred for life.
If they wanna show and you wanna see, fine. But please, please, don't subject all the poor wanderers of the interblags to pictures of your little friend.
@poet85@xanga - Utterly amused by the ads I read, I wrote a few spoofs. Most people didn't get them. I got like nine replies to my "International Spy Supermodel Ballerina Physicist for Ageing Fat Man" before the site deleted my ad for "misrepresenting myself" and "giving false information." xD
@Trigger821@xanga - Yes. A lot of them are actually more along the lines of, "hey im bored anybody up for some nsa fun hit me up (insert phone number) discrete fit 25 6ft tall" or something like that. With a cock pic. *twitches* I learnt not to glance at the pictures while reading.
@ChOcOChObO@xanga - Hurrah for honesty!
@Loonsounds@xanga - Thanks! :D
All good, and amusing info (amusing because none of it applies to ME!)
Care for a brief counter-post, "Tips For Women From a Man"?
We care a lot about your personality -- really, I swear! But we also want to "get to know you," which includes seeing what you look like. This is actually more from shyness than lust -- we want to begin to feel we "know" you a little, before sticking our necks out. This means, please: a photo that shows your face and eyes, in reasonable-size resolution (and no sunglasses, please). Photos of places you have been on vacation (but you're not in the photo), or of your cats but not yourself, are not so helpful. (But DO tell us if you are an animal lover -- that is helpful.)
And oh yeah, please let us also see your body. NOT because we demand perfection -- far from it! -- but because, if you seem to be hiding yourself, it suggests bad things about your self-esteem. We want to "know" you, and we want you to feel confident in yourself. And, really: so what if you have a few extra pounds -- forget it!!! My point is, we want the online equivalent of seeing you across a crowded room, which is not satisfied by a head-shot sort of studio portrait. Instead (or among other photos), include a full-length picture of you looking happy, doing something that you enjoy!
Because we want to spend GOOD times with you (even though we know that life is not all good times). Isn't that what you want, too?
So, please also nix the photos where you are scowling, or making a mean face that you think is seductive. Ecchhhh! Nobody likes angry, pouty, overly ponderous, wretched-looking people, especially those who think that looking depressed is actually sexy. (Maybe you got that idea from certain supermodel photos, which have nothing to do with real life.) C'mon, if only for the photo...give us a smile, at least once. Show us what you look like when something or somebody makes you really happy, because that's what we want to do.
In your self-description, it's fine to say you're not into one-night stands, etc. It's not-so-fine to devote more than half of your write-up, to everything you hate and don't want in a man, or all about how you've been hurt, etc. Believe us -- we've all been hurt. But this need not be the main point in introducing yourself. Let's move on, OK? Hopefully, together. And I hope that these sorts of tips might help a little.