Saturday, 03 October 2009
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Cheating the Cheated
I was talking with a group of my friends and we discussing boys as girls often do. The topic of guys who come to school with girlfriends back home but still purse girls here, came up. I asked my friends "would you date somebody with a girlfriend back home or at another school ?" One of the girls said "its not me that's cheating, that's him". I know I would feel bad if I slept with someone who had a girlfriend, unless it was an open relationship. Just because she doesn't go to my school or isn't here doesn't make her not real. Isn't that just setting yourself up for heartache?
Technically you're not a cheater but your helping the person cheat and they're cheating their current girlfriend and you out of a relationship. It's one thing not to know they have a girlfriend cause they didn't tell you, but its another thing to know and still do it. I know girls who their mess around with boys and their girlfriend's go to my school. Some people don't count sleeping with other people cheating but when they make an emotional connection the call it cheating.
So what do you think of people who help people cheat? What do you consider cheating? Would you take your bf/gf back if they cheated on you?
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- From: openmindedgirlk@xanga
- Name: openmindedgirlk
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Comments (38)
In my opinion, I don't understand why someone would be involved with someone that was seeing someone else knowingly.. that just means that if they break up and you're with him, it might do the same thing to you.
I am currently in an open marriage, so my wife and I have an understanding. Cheating to me is going behind someone's back and acting on thoughts (such as kissing, sex) about someone else that is not in the relationship
I dont like cheating in any form. What surprises me is that people think "oh if they're not sleeping together, it's not cheating". You form emotional ties with people in relationships & when those are strained/broken because someone is emotionally involved with someone else, that is cheating & to me that hurts the most. Do you really want to be with someone physically knowing they're thinking & loving someone else?
Going back to the subject, being with someone you know is cheating is stupid & shows lack of respect for YOURSELF as well. Why be someone's side play when you can be with someone who loves you & only wants you? When the going gets tough, he/she will go back to their boyfriend/girlfriend & leave you wondering "what happened" but you already know. People who say they're ok with this now are just doing that...thinking about the NOW, not what they'll feel months or sadly YEARS later.
And causing a break up to have the person for yourself is wrong too. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. When I hear stories of people who do this then cry because "their relationship ended when they got left", I dont feel an ounce of sympathy for homewreckers.
Now I will politely wait for the criticism! XD
I think that if you're going out with someone who is already in a relationship.. it's kinda saying that you don't mind being cheated on either. You're kinda setting yourself up for hurt later on down the road =/
@essencesofhell@xanga - I totally agree.... acting out on thoughts because people look at other people all the time it's in our nature. Acting out on those thoughts is a big no-no
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - I don't think it's just the physical aspect that makes it cheating. I just think that if someone thinks about how someone looks hot that day and then they decide to hit on that person that they think is hot in a hey-honey-how-are-you moment.. then that's one level of cheating. I agree with the whole emotional ties part.
Never be a third wheel in any relationship. Ever.
if i know someone is in a relationship, they are immediately off-limits. even if its my best friend i've had a crush on but never told for years. (we started dating AFTER they broke up for completely different reasons, OK!??! lol)
no but serious, i think anything else is seriously dirty and underhanded
Yeah that's cheating. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, and we both have made it clear that we won't be dating anyone just because we get "lonely" or "bored not having the other one there".
They're going to have sex with someone- it might as well be you!
Its very wrong to do. Not only is it morally wrong (I think so anyway), but its stupid. If he's cheating on a girlfriend with you..What makes you think he won't cheat on you if the two of you were in a relationship. And it shows that the guy doesn't have very good morals. I wouldn't ever take someone back that cheated on me. There's never an excuse for it.
Don't ever date someone who's already in a relationship; or who someone else thinks he's in a rerlationship with her. This is one of many reasons to take it slow. Get to know someone only as a friend. Don't go further until it's impossible to unknowingly get into a bad situation with that person. Sex too soon will almost always make it impossible to promptly make good decisions about who you go out with. If you knowingly get involved too quickly or with someone who has a philandering history, then in the end you will have severely diminished your chances of attracting someone who'd give it all from his heart; and of making things work with that person.
But if there is no such person without a sketchy past. Try to look over incidences that happened in the distant past. It's what he's likely to do in the present that still matters.
ooh, this is tricky. i know and respect people who have decided to pursue casual relationships with engaged/married people...i try not to judge them, and figure if they can do it and not get hurt, then there's no real harm. after all, you're not in the relationship, so you're not cheating.
however, i don't think i could ever do it myself, just because i would feel so bad for the other girl. never say never...but i seriously doubt it.
With me, cheating is the most unforgivable thing there is out there. I agree with you, if the other person knows that the person they are sleeping with has a girlfriend or boyfriend, he or she is just as guilty.
Cheating is uncool but varies from person to person. I think a kiss on the cheek is fine as long as it doesn't lead to anything else, and hugs, high fives, stuff like that is cool. Making out and holding hands? Not so much. I think it's a scumbag thing to do and I wouldn't want to be cheated on or cheat. Jimmy Eat World has a song that goes, "cheating gets it faster" and it's true, but it's not worth it if you're in a committed, serious relationship and you fuck it up. it's like buying a crapload of cigarettes. logically, why would you buy a product that shortens your lifetime? shortened lifetime, subtracted money for health problems, gas money, taxes, etc just doesn't make sense, but people do it anyway.
@jasonwl@xanga - I have banged one of my girlfriends in the first 10 minutes, two of them within the first half hour. But then again philandering is my thaaaang!
@jasonwl@xanga - Forgot to mention my boyfriends but......
I think people who knowingly sleep with/date someone who has a boyfriend/girlfriend as trashy individuals who have no respect for others or themselves (sorry if this offends anyone, but it's my opinion).
I consider cheating kissing, foreplay and sex as well as developing an emotionally intimate connection. In some cases (like REALLY good friends) it's fine that a peck on the cheek is given, Hell some people do it out of habit when seeing someone they haven't in a long time, but on the lips is unacceptable.
My bf and I have been together for 4 years and we both have VERY strong opinions on cheating...if he cheated on me I would only try to work it out if I found out about the infidelity from him (and preferrably the same or even the next day..none of that wait a week or month crap until the guilt eats away at the cheater) and also I would have to see and know he was truly sorry.
I was involved in a situation like this about 9 years ago where my friend (with benefits) had a girlfriend back home in ND. I didn't find out about her until we had been hanging out for a month or so but it never really bothered me then. Now I have a much different outlook and I see now that it was wrong of me to help him cheat on his girlfriend (who I think is now his wife).
@rhea@lovelyish - I always say the same thing. If he cheated on his gf to be with u, then he'd probably cheat on u.
Sleazy. It's called respect.
@Shy___Away@xanga - exactly
why would you want to set yourself up like that
@zxzeebrastar@xanga - exactly.
hrm. i never want to be the other woman, and i don't understand how anyone could.
@essencesofhell@xanga - what on earth is an open marriage?!
Yes, i hate cheaters. I want for me a man who is mine and only mine. Who would be the same whether im around him ad even if im not he'll be true to me...for i will do the same. I know a lot of ppl who have more than one gf and they can manage it nicely too. I sometimes wish to tell their gfs about their character but then poking into someone else's matters isnt me either.
I would never date a guy who already has a gf or is engaged. Some girls dont mind doing that, infact some girls like the idea of snatching someone's man ...they feel victorious. I think its a very selfish act, just to console your ego, you chose to mess up someone life and relationship! ...