Friday, 02 October 2009
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In Love and Financially Secure?
The other day a friend of mine was discussing the reason why she thought her and her boyfriend of a few months should break up. She really likes the guy and they get along great, in fact I think he's the best guy she's ever been with and I'm really happy for her. The issue leading her to assume she should break up with the guy she is crazy about? Money.
Both her and her boyfriend have been working a lot and trying to save up so they can move out of their parent's houses. My friend says they hardly get to see each other and when they do they can't go out and do anything because they don't have the money. I told her there are plenty of things you can do that don't cost money... Watch movies at home, go to the park, etc. But she said they do those kind of things all the time, and although she loves his company regardless, the situations get dull after awhile. She thinks they should break up until they are at a point where they are financially secure enough to date.
Does anyone else think this sounds ridiculous? If you really like/love someone, is money really that big of an issue? What would you advise my friend to do in her situation?
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- From: meowmeow
- About Me: 20 yr old college student.
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Comments (14)
My boyfriend and I are trying to move to Japan in the next year to go to school and then teach ESL classes, and both of us have been out of a job for a while and broke. But we're looking for jobs, looking forward to the future, and if it takes us a while to get there, then who cares? We're not gonna stop seeing each other because we're financially failing XD
IMO, if you're SO concerned about money that you must put your relationship on hold for it, you shouldn't be dating anyone at all. Love is about being selfless, with no boundaries, and if you really NEED money to have fun, then you're not doing the relationship thing right at all.
Well they have a point, I broke up with my bf bc I wanted to be educationally stable and independent first...not because of money though. I just wanted that confidence before I can be with someone
But then again living together may mean doing routine activities like that. Its not always happy fun times when you're living with somebody bc now u have responsibilities such as bills, rent, food, etc. if they cant handle " the boring routine" now they might just get bored the same as when they get together in the future. Funny thing is we take these "routine things" for granted, turns out they are the most priceless moments of our life.
I believe if you are looking for The One, you should be financially stable first. If you keeping messing around, wanting to spend money for romantic dinners and movies and such...the future of living financially stable will never happen unless you guys put your feet down. I understand your pain, my bf was laid off recently and now we have to eat at home more often. Oh my, my taste buds are slowly dying because I love sushi! But they're super expensive.
Best dates that will cost less? Walk around the city, explore places you've never been to, and look for that post from dollarish site or over here...there was one about inexpensive dates that are fun.
i think that you shouldn't really get engaged before you are financially stable, but i'm not sure about just being in a relationship... maybe they just aren't creative people
going on walks is free and that's what my bf and i love to do
Well, they do and they dont. I mean, they're only dating and really you dont need to be finacially secure just to date. That stuff becomes imortant when you start to look into the future of marriage and stuff. You DO have to be finacially secure to have a sucessful marriage (or at least it defiantly helps the chances a LOT)
When i first started dating my boyfriend he didnt even have a job and I worked minimum wage at a grocery store. So we defiantly didnt have money to go out to dinners and movies and all those fun things. We watched TV at home, did stuff outside like take walks, play frisbee, watched the sunset/stars ect... hung out with other friends, and just enjoyed each other's company. A year and a half later we're still together. We both have jobs (i still have a crappy paying job, but my bf has a good job) and we might do some ocassional movie and a dinner nights, but most of the time we still do the same things we did when we began dating.
BUT maybe money isnt really the issue. Maybe she is just at a point in her life where a relationship is not her top priority. Right now her top priority is moving out of her parents and whatever else she wishes to accomplish.
My now-ex-boyfriend broke up with me under a similar reasoning. He's working full-time while getting his masters, and I'm still working on my bachelors. He said we should just be single and do our own things until we're both stable enough to settle down. Personally, I think its stupid, but that was after 3 years and living together. In this situation, it might be a little more permissible, but it still sounds like an excuse to see other people to me.
I personally think it's really shallow to look at things in that perspective. But that's just me.
Nah, I still do all those old inexpensive things and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Seems a bit ridiculous..
it is a huge issue that i personally have been dealing with for over two years. it isn't something i would breakup with a guy over, but honestly depending on what her love language is (how she receives love best--physical touch, words of affirmation, when she is given gifts, quality time, or when someone does an act of service for her) this could become a huge problem. trust me, it is one thing to say, "i don't have a lot of money we need to have more nights in than nights out"--and that is how most couples are. but when you are in a relationship where when you hint to your guy that you need a night out with him and he suggests the BK dollar menu--it is totally different. And you can judge her all you want, but until it is you that honestly can't remember the last time you went out to a nice dinner or a carnival together, when you haven't had an excuse to dress up for him since date three--well you have no idea. Because she knows that they are getting serious fast and this is her chance to get the "dating treatment" and have all the fun that comes with being willing to spend money on one another, and once they get super serious, that time will be over. Even if they end up married and flush with money, she is right, dates will never be as thrilling as they would be right now. And if I were her friend I would advise her to break up with him if it is important enough to her. But she has to decide. For me, my guy was more important to me than the dates, but it was still a struggle and sometimes it has been a regret.
i can see her point. but i dont think you should break up with someone over that...
I think if it's terrible then obviously, sure. But nobody ever said you can't wait a couple years to go back to school or get some help from your parents or something. You definitely shouldn't be naive enough to think that if you are both in love but both broke but it's TWOO WUV that you guys should stay together and get married.
i think that would be a stupid reason to break up- if she really loves him, that is. if she's thinking about it, then maybe she's not that crazy about him anyway.
my fiancé and i aren't exactly financially secure yet. he has a job and is going to school, but i don't have a job yet. not a real one, anyway. my job at school is like maybe 14 dollars a month -___- so yeah, we're both in college and thus not the richest people out there, but we never ever get tired of just hanging out at home or walking my dog or going on picnics or just hanging out at the parks near our houses, even with my little brother and sister (: i'm going to get a job so we can save up soon, and we already share financial expenses and stuff- it's just that as a couple, we don't need much. all i really ever need is to be with him. i guess that's the difference here- i'm out of state right now, but when i'm home, i see him every day. and i'm coming home at the end of the month and we'll be living together.
if her complaint is more about money, that's a silly reason to break up with someone. if her complaint is that she doesn't see him enough, that could make some more sense. but there has to be a way...
If they are both striving for the same thing (getting out of their parents home, both are working hard) I don't understand how this is an issue, but maybe she hasn't told you the whole story. Maybe he's not as motivated as she is, which I can see as being an issue. Sure if you love each other you should work through it, but sometimes all they need is a short seperation to realize their priorities.
In my perspective, I think it's perfectly acceptable if you're older and looking for The One. It's one thing to be in high school and break up with a guy because he's not "financially stable." You don't need to be financially in high school or at any young age like that. But if you're in college and trying to stabilize yourself financially or educationally or anything like that, I don't see why putting things on hold is such a problem. Striving for things like that takes a huge amount of focus and time, something that a significant other needs as well and a person can only give so much.