Sex is right up there with money, a couple definitely wants to be on the same page when it comes to both.. However; often times this doesn't happen. Let's take a look at what could happen when a husband wants sexual role playing and the wife definitely does not.
For most people they define sexual role playing as, when one or both of the partners pretend they are someone else. For example a woman may dress up like Angelina Jolie, or the man might dress up as Brad Pitt. These are some of the milder ones. It can be anything from a rapist to a dominatrix. The point is, they are role playing that they are someone else, not themselves. Some people think there's nothing wrong with sexual role playing and find it exciting, and others are not a fan at all. When the couple agrees on this fantasizing and pretense, there is obviously no problem, at least for them. However, when the husband really wants to do this and the wife clearly does not, it can cause difficulties in the relationship.
Most women I know personally, really don't care for sexual role playing. They find it offensive that their man has the need to pretend they are someone else. After all they are thinking, why are they not good enough as who they really are? They find no problem with making things exciting by trying different locations for having sex, or even dressing sexy. Some don't even mind dressing up like a nurse, or police officer, to add some spice. The key here is that they are still themselves, not any other specific person. This is where they part ways with some husbands that want them to pretend like their some celebrity like Britney Spears, Madonna, or whomever.
We can assume if we want that most husbands who want this type of role playing are just bored with their sex life, and want to liven it up. But, is this really true? There are many ways to spice up a relationship without making a partner feel like their not worthy, and you would rather be with someone else. Now, some wives take the high road, or maybe the low road, and go along with this, because they figure that they will get there's too. Whether that be Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, or any other super hot man of the year. Well, if they both agree, then not too many problems should arise. However, when the wife is definitely against sexual role playing it's a different story.
There may be many reasons for a woman being against sexual role playing.. One reason is as previously discussed, is they don' like feeling like their not enough for their man they love. Most women want to believe that their man wants them, and no one else. Now, what goes on in her husband's head, is anyone's guess, but one thing is true, women want to be the one and only. For her husband to suggest she pretend to be someone else, can be like a shot to her heart. Up until now she believed he was happy with their sex life, and her. When he lowers the boom about role playing, trust me most women are not only surprised, but truly offended, and hurt.
Another reason a wife may object may be that some women think that it is just too kinky. Now, it may not sound kinky to some, but like they say everyone is different. It may seem very bizarre to some wives that their husband could even suggest they be someone else. After all, who wants to believe that someone else is getting their husband excited?
Religious, or spiritual reason may come into the equation regarding sexual role playing. For some people this may be a form of cheating. In
the Bible it does say that. to even lust in the heart is adultery. They may seem strange to some people, but those who believe find it quite acceptable. Not too many people who have a strong faith want to go against, that which they believe is right to follow, and expected from God.
Some women may feel awkward or shy. Not everyone has healthy self esteem, and it may cause embarrassment for the wife, especially if she is asked to pretend to be someone really hot or beautiful. If she does not feel good about herself, this would be like torture to her. If it's hard enough for her just to be vulnerable and open as herself, it may be almost possible for her to pretend that she is something she is not. it just puts added pressure on her in the sex department.
So, what can happen when the husband says yes, and the wife says no? Various things can happen. If the couple has good communication skills they can sit down quietly and discuss it. Hopefully, the husband will come to realize that no matter how much he wants to do this sexual role playing, that if it's going to hurt his wife in a any way, he needs to let it go. Remember, he married her because he loves and respects her. At least I hope so.
Another possibility is that both the husband and wife refuse to budge on the issue. This is when things get tough. Too many times out of a fear of losing her husband, or him maybe cheating on her. the wife will give in. The husband may end up happy, but the wife will be miserable, feeling like she is doing something against her will. This scenario is definitely not advisable for anyone. If a wife strongly feels her husband may cheat on her, she doesn't need to give in, she needs to re-evaluate the relationship.
Another solution may be that the wife comes around, and decides why not try it. She may find she doesn't mind it as much as she thought, and remember she gets her fantasies as well. This solution is not for everyone. It is only for those husbands and wives that truly believe that there will be no personal harm to one another's well being or self-esteem.
In the end no matter how much a partner wants something, the well being of the person they love should always come first. No one ever said you wouldn't have to give up some things when you became a couple. It's just a part of deal regarding love and compromise. Our first consideration and question we should always ask ourselves regarding the one we love, Is this really important enough to hurt the one I love? Hopefully, your answer will be no. If not, you may eventually not have a partner around to worry about!
Do you ever role play with your SO? How has it affected your relationship?
Guest blog submitted by HannahNow
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Comments (40)
No. And it hasn't had an effect, since, well, we haven't.
I love role-playing. A little bit of let's-play-pretend doesn't hurt anybody ;] It's made our sex life that much hotter, actually.
How about if the woman wants to roleplay and the man doesn't?
i didn't know that it was that big of a deal. i feel liek role-playing isn't pretending to be someone else, it's just fun play.
I don't really see it as offensive, just a chance to have some creative fun.
Role playing is my favorite.
I was about to object but I saw that you meant roleplaying another person, rather than just self-as-a-broad-archetype.
I agree with you when it comes to that.
I don't really see role-playing as a bad thing in a relationship, it's creative and sexy in my opinion.
"Some women may feel awkward or shy"
" If it's hard enough for her just to be vulnerable and open as herself"
If a wife feels this way with her husband, she shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
I have no problem dressing up as some kinky fantasy (french maid, police officer, etc.) celebrity fantasy--no way! Why would I want to be sleeping with a guy who is imagining another woman?
Nothing offensive with role playing. It's just fun.
I like to role play sometimes, but it's hard when there are always people every where at my boyfriend's house, and my house.
i wanna role play more than my bf..
i love to role play...it puts excitement back into our sex lives so it's not too boring or doing the same thing. he loves it when i do it also. and it'll definitely put us in the mood to have sex when we're tired.
i've never done it however some of your quotes are kinda outrageous. if you aren't comfortable with your husband then why the hell are you married? if my boyfriend wanted to try it, yeah i'm down for it.
i"m into and my ex wasn't so that kinda sucked.
Role play is fun!
@turnyalightsdownlow@xanga - I am glad someone else thought the same thing, I thought I didn't like a lot of the quotes too, but I didn't know if I was right or if it was because I am a guy.
In such a situation Husband should masturbate instead.
@getta_ring_on_it - well said
That's so uncomfortable..I just don't see role playing as being sexy at all, I would just laugh and ruin the mood. haha
I role-play with my wife all the time in the bedroom. At her request and my own. It makes sex so much better. Especially when she plays the role of a dominatrix because well... she is one lol
By the way some of your quotes are a little out there. What good is a marriage if the they can't talk to each other about what they like in bed? Is someone suppose to guess? I mean seriously.
My husband and i dont do the whole role play but i do dress up for him sometimes and give him a nice lap dance **wink**. forplaying isnt for me and it does nothing for me, i dont see the point in being someone else when i can just be my sexii self for my husband =)
If the husband wanted to role-play as if his wife was a celebrity, couldn't he just imagine he was fucking a celebrity instead and not bring it up to his wife?
This is why I'm so pro- sex before marriage. Or at least TALK about what you feel comfortable with.
For me, I have so many outfits that I wear for my boyfriend. I have a hippie one, a school girl one, and countless sexy lingeries I buy online. It definitely adds spice to our love-life.
And it doesn't HAVE to be like you're having sex with another person. You're still "you"...just in a costume?
I think this was one of the most balanced, mature posts I've ever read. Relationships are about compromise and communication. I don't mind role-playing, but my boyfriend finds it a turn off, actually. He's about the least kinkiest male I've ever met. I would like for him to be more adventurous, but I'm not going to force him to do so. It's a compromise.