Thursday, 01 October 2009
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Does Friends with Benefits Actually Work?
Earlier this month a good friend and I took it to the next level. He and I have been friends for about eight years and I just recently went through a bad break up. It had been roughly eight months since I'd seen any sort of sex and I was kind of going crazy, so when I thought about having sex with someone he was kind of the first person that came to mind. I texted him, we hooked up, and now things are weird.
I guess the problem is that I wanted to have semi-regular sex. I had a baby five months ago and my hormones aren't really back to normal. My sex drive is at an all time high and I basically just want to have sex all day, every day. I will admit I was a little aggressive about it, but he suddenly started talking about how nobody owns him and if it becomes a regular thing then it's too much like a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. I have tried to reassure him that I don't want to be in a relationship and that while he is gorgeous and has all these awesome qualities, he's not really the guy that I need to be with right now.
Now I'm kind of wondering if friends with benefits actually works at all? Because for me, it's kind of been a disaster. At the time (he was drunk, I wasn't) everything was cool. We discussed what we wanted out of the situation, we had a good time, there was cuddling afterward, and I snuck out after he fell asleep. Two days later, he was clearly avoiding me and three weeks later is still avoiding me. I am really confused.
Is a woman wanting to have a lot of no strings attached sex with you really a bad thing?
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- From: MuggleLouise@xanga
- Name: MuggleLouise
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Comments (62)
Yup. Someone is bound to develop feelings, and then when they're not reciprocated (cause it was all 'no strings attached'), someone gets hurt.
does eaten chicken underwater work?
Huh, you'd think it'd be the other way around. I guess he just doesn't like you that much.
Yeah, someone will always get hurt sooner or later.
@snapeful@xanga -Or he likes her more than? or he doesn't want to ruin their friendship?
but i agree with steph - someone always wants more than the other. its inevitable.
good luck (:
Hm, from my perspective, it never seems to work well for my friends who try to keep friends with benefits around...its never appealed to me personally because it doesn't seem like it has much of a point. To me, sex without love is meaningless = not worth it.
i guess its up to you
but i personally DO think it's a bad thing because i think sex should be a special act
and your next partner might feel insulted by the idea of you having a fwb
Bad Bad Bad!
but then again things happen for a reason!
i don't think friends with benefits work at all!
cause at the end someone ends up falling for him/her
&&
i think by now u should now that his been avoid you because he don't want nothing to do with u !for him it was just a one night stand! or more like he hit it and quit it!
so he don't really care!
so don't really expected anything from him!
i've only had it work for me once but in most situations one person always wants more, but settles for whatever they can get. i know i've gotten hurt a lot because it's hard to separate emotions from sex.
for me i remember my best friend one night we were drinking and he told me he loved me. we never hooked up, but knowing he had those feelings and i didn't i felt akward and i was afraid to hurt him so i kinda backed off for awhile. i stopped answering the phone and hanging out... and it took a long time for me to be comfortable talking to him again.
I just don't think most people approach sex that way. Somebody in that kind of relationship is lying when they say they only want a friends with benefits union. So it will work for one and fail for the other.
1) Wait wait wait, you have A KID?!?!? What are you doing screwing around for? Take care of your damned kid. And where's the father?
2) You're probably ugly or, at best, just not his cup of tea. Sorry to be blunt about it, but if he was into you, he would totally love this arrangement. For a guy to turn down free no-strings-attached sex...that takes a lot.
There's always a "possibility", but I would say no.
SEX CHANGES EVERYTHING...
Are you a fucking moron? For real.... why in the world would you think this is gonna work? If you were THAT desperate for sex, you definitely shouldn't have had sex with a friend... maybe a mere acquaintances. There are too many emotions involved with having sex in the first place - better to have sex with someone who isn't THAT close to you already.
So now you've probably ruined your friendship because your sex buddy thinks you're after more than you think you are. Good luck with that.
that is kinda awkward to become friends with benefits with someone whom you've been friends with for so long. perhaps he's avoiding you so he won't develop any feelings for you, knowing that you are't interested in a serious relationship. don't take it too personal.
@steph - Agreed.
I've been through this very recently, and it never ends happily.
its not a bad thing, but the double standard society thinks it is.
Is a woman wanting to have a lot of no strings attached sex with you really a bad thing?
NOT AT ALLLLLL. the guys just don't know how to handle a girl like us.
i had a similar situation in the summer, the guy got all flustered and
weird and in the end, its his loss sweetie not yours (:
no someone always gets hurt in the end
I think it can work... depends on the expectations that you set in the beginning.
Nope.
He's obviously to good for you if hes not comfortable with this!
No.
I have 2 kids with the man that I had a "Friends with Bennifits" thing with. Didn't work out with no strings.