Monday, 28 September 2009
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He Abandoned Me, But I Miss Him
I'm not going to lie; I've never felt lonelier in my life. You see, the love of my life (yes, that is what I can him because I truly believe he is the love of my life) broke my heart two years ago. I was a complete wreck even though I put on a brave face every single day; every night, I would cry myself to sleep thinking about how lost and alone and depressed I was. For over a year, I wanted to just sleep away the pain; and then one day, one miraculous day, I no longer felt that way.
And just when I was starting to get back on my feet, just when I started to feel like my old self again, he came back. He was sweet and caring and everything I remembered him to be; so I welcomed him with open arms. And right when I thought that things were going to be good again, he abandoned me. This time around I wasn't as heartbroken. I had learned to not expect too much because the lower my expectations, the less disappointed I would be and it was a good thing I had learned it.
Now that I've been used and abused by other men, I can't help feel even more lonelier; even more than I felt when he had broken my heart. And all I can think about is how I miss him. The weird thing about it this time around is that we're actually on good terms. Once in a while, he'll text me asking me how I am and inviting me to do things and vice versa. I feel no bitterness or contempt for him like I thought I would; and I actually think we can be friends.
I don't have a lot of close friends; I have a few, but he was my best friend and the thing I missed most about him is the friendship we shared. And on my hard, sucky days, I miss how I don't have him to run to, to vent to, to hug because I'm sad.
I want to tell him I miss him but I don't want him to get the wrong idea. I don't see myself with him anymore, even if he is the love of my life, because who I was with him was ugly. I want us to be good friends again because right now I'm in need a good friend ....
So how do I go about telling him that I miss him? That I want us to be friends?
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- From: TheUglyTruth
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Comments (35)
You should first make sure that you are 100 percent, completely over him. Then you can try talking to him honestly about how you miss & would like to have back the friendship part of the relationship you had.
@steph - I agree.
If you're not sure, there's the possibility that things could get messy.
Just saying it should be enough.
Or have him read this blog.
@zxzeebrastar@xanga - Very, very messy...
I would try very hard to get over that notion. He may just be hoping to get his foot in the door. I would focus on that ugly guy you knew.
just get out. no guy who made you cry even deserves to have you as a friend. i know you're forgiving and all. but seriously.
Sorry, but why would you want to be friends and tell someone you miss him because he had "abandon" you once before? Clearly, he didn't care and see you worthy enough for him to just get up and leave you hanging. Even though you two are on "good terms" and you no longer feel the way you do towards him, there's a find line when people should respect the other and not cross the line.
How do you tell him that you miss him? Just tell him but make sure he knows where you stand in this "friendship" you have with him. If not, it's better to leave this relationship as it was and go and make new friends!
Tell him you miss his friendship.
Sounds like you're about have more pain
And don't make the mistake of thinking because you found love once, you will never find it again.
Finding people who love you is pretty easy once you learn to love yourself and other people.
I miss friendships of exes. Even ones who are rude now. I would never be in a relationship with any of them ever again, but I still miss their friendships sometimes.
It's kind of strange that no matter how much you loved someone (or not), the friendship is what is missed, not the romantic part.
Sometimes, though, it's better off to just let it go. Other friendships can be just as good. And then sometimes, if you can handle it, being friends with exes isn't so bad. Just depends on the maturity level of everyone involved (that includes current girlfriends/boyfriends they or you may have.)
I relate a great deal. I would love to hug you.
Your not over it, and more than likely you never will be. He doesn't feel the same or you'd be as one. Move on fast to something with more beauty that fills you with more happiness than he ever did. Your truely amazing physically, you should not be feeling this way and lastly you should not have trouble finding someone worth your time and eyes.
"So how do I go about telling him that I miss him? That I want us to be friends?"
You do not. You sever him like a limb with gangrene. With him in your life you will never heal. With him gone you can start thinking about the future.
just be honest with and tell him how you feel. you have two options, he'll be understanding and accept your feelings and you'll be friends or he's not understanding and rejects your friendship. i see it as a win-win situation, either you're going to be friends or not.
It might be best to cut off communication for a significant amount of time - it hurts like hell, because trying to stop talking to someone whos been such a vital part of your life can be one of the hardest things anyone ever has to go through. A lot of times when people get out of relationships they do realize that they don't have as many close friendships, we get lost in love-land and sort of bubble ourselves off, and it can be hard when you first come out of it. And I know its cliche, but maybe use that time away from him to build up other things in your life, the friendships come in time, not immediately, but they build and even though they wont fill the exact void, you may be surprised that you think about him less - he wont ever completely escape your mind - but that may be a good thing, another cliche but you learn from it all. And if, after that long time of no communication, where you learn more about yourself, pick up hobbies, maybe make a new friend or even meet a cute guy - he still crosses your mind just on a friendship level, then get in touch with him. But you may be surprised (or not) when you end up deciding not to contact him.
i'm sorry for your pain.
But friends with someone you still miss is a bad idea. (sorry!) Because you'll have more burden to have to deal with the mixed emotion and it is hard for you to move on.
I will advice you to just: tell him and be honest with him that you are still dealing with the emotion left in the past. Aren't friends should be honest to each other? If he's a true friend to you, he'll understand, probably will help you cope with it if he truly cares about you. or, just allow yourself to let him go. The more thought you put on how to keep him with you as a friend and dealing with the loving emotion in the past, the more you are going to be miserable. Tell yourself you are in love with the memory, not in love with the person who abandoned you. If you don't free yourself, how are you going to create more better sweeter memory in the future.
Yes, we should not always put much expectations toward others... however, we also have to focus on appreciating what we have. You can be happy with the ability to love, and the ability to stand up after being hurt.
I dont think its a good idea u tell him you miss him, as a matter fact i dont think you guys should even be friends because first off you still have feelins and for some reason i feel that u still have some kind of hope that u guys will get back together if u guys become "bestfriends" but i just want u to know ur setting yourself up for failer because its not going to happen. i hate to be so harsh but its the truth and i have been thru this before and the pain and heartach sucks really bad. your going to keep hurting yourself over and over and over again and if u keep up this cycle u mines well prepare yourself to be heartbroken for the rest of your life. goodluck with trying to be his "bestfriend"
Wow. I totally know what you're talking about. I'm going through the same thing. I wish I could help but I need some help myself..
i was in ur situation before too. All i can say is what ur experiencing now is a phase. i call it the "druggie phase" because u will never have enough of him; you will always think about him, he is your everything, you wanna stay friends with him just to see what how he is doing. All i can say is just leave it alone, dont contact him. How i put it is "in order to keep what u want in the future, you have to step back to realize what ur in right now."
i know its easier to say than to do, but trust me, i've been there and done that, thats how i healed. And once you've passed it, you will be a way stronger person compare today. Good Luck
I can relate to this. As much as you say you'd only want to be friends, deep down I'm sure you'd want more. It would make things complicated. You are just lonely right now. Some things are just best left as they are.Â
I've been in the same similar situation in the past. Even if you guys are able to be friends, it will be difficult because you once had intimate feelings for one another and those can begin to resurface again. Then he might just abandoned you and break your heart again.
There's nothing wrong with being friends but it's always better to not be. It'll less complicate things and you'll get mixed emotions. Besides, he broke your heart once and then abandoned you again when you guys were able to be friends, what makes you think he won't do it again. What kind of a friend is that if you really think about it.
Don't have him in your life because you think he fills the void. He actually makes it worse by coming in and out of your life. There are plenty of people out there. You can always find another friend.
goodness i can totally relate to this post! except we're no longer talking or acknowledging each other's existence now.
however, i dun think it's a good idea for you to tell him that you miss him. y'know.. guys have such big ego. he might think like "oh wow i can make a girl want me oh-so-bad". but oh well, sometimes letting out something frm the chest makes one feel much lighter, isnt it?
:)
I'm going thru this....I miss him a lot.....I'm hoping one day we can salvage something, because we were both so important to each other....but I don't see it headed in a romantic direction....we are both too distrustful of the other.....
I won't block him out of my life.....and I don't think he wants to block me out of his.....but we need to have space, and be free to pursue others' and just be open with the other....take the masks down....be what we are.....2 human beings with a lot of quirks to our personalities...who can appreciate the quirks in the other....
Time and space sooths a lot of grief.....nothing is ever in vain
I'd suggest time and just keep doing what you guys are doing. Occassionally talk to each other, asking to and hanging out with each other. It takes time to completely get over someone. I was in that boat before. It took me over 2 years to fully get over the guy I first really loved. It was ROUGH. Haha. But yeah. It just takes time.
I'd also suggest not letting him know by words. It's more of a show by action thing, I would think. Keep the hanging out to only occassionally and talking to him only occassionally too for now. After time, you will begin to naturally find out how friendshipy the two of you can be if you're situation is at all like mine. :)
*hugs* Wish you the best with this,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~