Monday, 28 September 2009
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Happily Ever Apart...
A few days ago, I came across an interesting article in am New York about how some couples live apart even after marriage. These LAT couples (Living Apart Together) make up about 3 percent of married couples in the U.S.; they are usually “well educated with big incomes.” (Well, obviously they must be if they can afford to pay for two different apartments). But of course, this “LAT” lifestyle isn’t for everyone, definitely not for me.
According to the article, “LAT relationships may be the perfect trick for New Yorkers who want to balance their desire for an intimate relationship with the autonomy to pursue their work or educational goals.”
I guess I understand why some couples prefer to live separately even after marriage, especially if they’re more “career-oriented”, and want to maintain their “independent lives.” But why bother getting married if you are going to continue living separately? Wouldn’t they get lonely? Honestly, even if I were a career-oriented person, I don’t think I’d ever prefer to live a “LAT” lifestyle. Wouldn’t you want to start a family once you’re married? Isn’t that what marriage is about? Or am I just old-fashioned? And who knows if your husband/wife would secretly cheat on you? Well, like I said, this lifestyle is definitely not what my “ideal marriage” would look like.
What do you guys think about this “LAT” lifestyle? Do you think this lifestyle would be right for you, or would this not apply to you whatsoever?
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- From: kimjh125@healthkicker
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Comments (38)
I sort of live together with my boyfriend right now, since we're both at college.
One of us would probably move all their stuff into the other person's place, since that's basically what we do now. Hell, even when we're both at home, I hate the fact that we live in separate houses. So, to answer the question -- I wouldn't dig living the LAT lifestyle.
I guess if it works for other people, than alright, cool. Whatever makes your relationship work.
I don't think I could ever do that to. I mean, you marry a person because you want to be with them right? If I'm not with my husband, then what's the point? I get we all need personal space, but still.
i wonder the same thing as you.
It is so un-me.
Interesting.. but I don't think I could do that.
I agree with you. I thought the whole point of marriage was for 2 people to spend the rest of their lives TOGETHER. I can understand if it's a temporary arrangement like for work or something but I don't think I could do that. What if there are kids involved or are planning to have kids? If I was married I'd be looking forward to going home and spending the evening with my husband in OUR house ya know? I guess everyone is different.
It's an amazing lifestyle. The difficulty in being apart must put a lot of stress on both, no matter how strong the person.
Personally, I would like to see my love every night!
If I was to live this lifestyle, I wouldn't bother getting married. I would just be in a "LDR" with that person instead.
I never even heard of it.
yeah i never heard of this, either.
my boyfriend basically moved in with me before we even started dating lol. next year he joins the USMC so he won't be home much at all...that's the only time i plan on being away from him. i need way too much human contact from him to do LDRs or this LAT thing.
personally I can see how this could work out. I mean I do not endorse it or think it's me but I know a few LAT couples and they're holding up. They're strong and they still see each other and all, just less than I see my wife.
I honestly think it's the whole factor of concentrating on one goal (being the career), in order to help the main goal (the marriage) in the end. Maybe that's the thing
That would never work for me. Even when we're at different schools, we spend weekends at one or the other together. I couldn't imagine voluntarily continuing to live apart as a married couple.
lol i agree with you therefore i must be old fashion too! exactly why get marry if u are still going to be separate... and yes who know what the other is doing! but everyone as their own choices and likes and dislikes! best of luck to those who are living like that! i personally like the old fashion way =)
They're in it for the tax benefits?
Many ppl get married for reasons that are different from yours and mine. Some people get married for the benefits of being married ex: taxes, status, health benefits, etc. Other couples get married early in life, and probably wouldn't have married if turned back time but since its been said and done and do not believe in divorce (possibly due to children and finances involved), they remain together by paper, but physically living apart. Whatever floats their boats, right? I personally couldn't marry to live apart. I'd hope to be married to a man of whom I have complete emotional, physical, and spiritual connection to, like the vows of marriage implys.
I dunno,i don't plan on marriage.
that is retarded
"Or am I just old-fashioned? And who knows if your husband/wife would secretly cheat on you?"
I dont think you're old fashioned, I think majority of the people here would have to agree that it is a distinguished lifestyle that not many can follow. I wouldn't get married only to be separated, I think it completely defeats the purpose of marriage. Your other statement mentions cheating...that makes me wonder, why would someone ever get married if there isnt any trust to begin with? There shouldnt be a reason to wonder if your wife/husband is cheating on you due to this choice of lifestyle. But that's just my two cents.
I can see myself having a separate beds with my future husband for health reasons (recently they found out couples who sleep on separate beds are healthier) but living separately is hard to understand. It's okay if they don't have kids, but what if they do? I know the conventional family structure is not the ultimate goal for everyone but there is a reason why families should live together....
i think it would be a great idea when you're just starting in your career and don't have plans to have children but after a while, it's probably just a marriage of convenience.
Its pointless to get married and stay seprated...stupid stupid stupd stupid, expecially if they had a big wedding wasted all that money to sleep in seprate beds and live in two diffrent homes ugh what kind of life is that?
Do you have the article? Personally, I find this whole thing very interesting.
I'd like to read the article also.
Interesting concept. Though I'm pretty sure I could never be in such a marriage.....but interesting nevertheless. I could see the few advantages..... keeping ones independence.... ability to focus on career or education..... or perhaps it keeps things fresh and interesting, like you are still dating? Is this an extreme version of not peeing in front of each other in the bathroom???
This is interesting, my uncle and my aunt have this type of relationship. My aunt lives and works in Canada and my uncle lives and works in Hong Kong. Whenever one has vacation, they would visit the other and stay for a while, but if both of them have vacation then they would go traveling to some place fun together.
That sounds awesome! Most problems that people have with relationships is that it's suffocating seeing the same person and always being with them. This sounds like a good way to be with them, while maintaining your space and independence.
If I wanted a relationship, this is how it would be.
- Kunoichi