I met this girl a couple years back; and we just clicked. It was amazing. Whether it was during a walk to the subway station or maybe during a MSN conversation, we'd chat endlessly about school, television and everything else. I've never been so open and as expressive with anyone else. Furthermore, we shared the same beliefs, interests and had similar goals in life.
But there was a problem. She was already seeing someone else. Me, being the chivalrous fool, thought that maybe I'd wait for her. Maybe one day we'd eventually be together. I have yet to see that day. Maybe I should have asked her out, but I didn't want to be a jerk. After some time, I came to the conclusion that she'd never want to be with me. Feeling jilted, I grew bitter and aloof, and basically depressed. Now we've drifted apart, and I'm glad because the sight of her reminds me of those incredibly dark days.
Unfortunately, I have yet to see the silver lining for all this.
Life has basically been rotten for the past couple years. I keep thinking to myself, "What's the point?" To be honest I'm confused. I'm not sure whether I'm depressed over not being with her, or depressed that I may never find someone like her to be with. I feel hopeless. I'm always distracted and I lack motivation for work. As a result, I seem to be getting nowhere in life.
So I ask you, how do you get over someone? Is it really just about finding someone else? I thought of that two years ago, but I came to the conclusion that I didn't want someone else to be my rebound girl. So I've never really tried.
It was my opinion that these scars would heal with time, and after I'd try to find someone. Fast forward to the present, and I'm still stuck in the same rut.
A penny for your thoughts.
Recommend
Comments (47)
You will find someone. (: I promiseeee. So dont be sad.
I don't think you're a fool for doing what you did. You were respecting her and her relationship. If she's no longer dating anyone, talk to her to see if she may still be interested and ask her out! If not, give it more time. Distance yourself from things that you know remind you of her. Don't dwell on "what could've been". It'll only result in disappointment.
It took me many, many years to get over someone I loved, and it was even unrequited (I still fell for her deeply, though). Be patient. See a therapist if you need to or talk about it to a trusted friend.
I'm currently trying to get over someone I spent 6 years with. I thought I could get over him while still being his friend, but after being broke up for 3 months, I was no closer to being over him than I was the day we broke up. Now, it's been a week since I quit talking to him completely, and I already feel a million times better. I deleted my old Xanga account (because the whole thing was about him!), I deleted all the pictures of him on my computer... I pretty much deleted his existence, and all though I'm definitely not over him, I'd say I'm about 60% there. And all it took was to cut him out of my life completely.
Really, getting over the hope that you'll be with someone is the single biggest step toward getting over them.
Good luck =)
Is your motivation for everything really going to be a single girl?
You need to get your priorities straight.
Does time heal all wounds: YES!!!
There are more than 6 billion people in this world. You will find someone. However, if you dwell on this event, you'll only become more bitter. Time to move on.
2 thoughts. first, with regards to you saying you haven't really tried looking for anyone new since her, i've always thought that you never really have to TRY to be with someone that is "perfect" for you. 2nd thought --- if SHE was "perfect" for you, things would have worked out back then.
don't worry/think so much is my bottom line.
Time will heal scars, but you can't sit there and keep picking at the scabs.
You have to actively better yourself and try to do things that will help them heal.
Don't worry about a 'rebound' girl, there's no such thing. Dating is simply Dating(casually not a BF/GF status), not a commitment or a promise to anything more than going out, enjoying each other and having fun together. If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, then that's all it was meant to be. You can't get beyond this if you have your head sunk in it, and you aren't even letting yourself see what else is out there.
@atmaster@xanga - right, don't think so much. It's hard to do... But like atmaster says, don't think so much, go out and do, go out and have fun, go out and keep yourself occupied. It's a good thing sometimes to distract your though process.
keep looking up. she may actually be thinking of you every day too.
instead of going nowhere, try to make yourself the person you want to be. so when that person for you appears, you're ready for her =] cheesy, i know. haha.
if u still have contact with her, try to send friendly messages...
if she likes you, she'll respond
if she doesn't...well, i couldn't tell ya =/
but...you'll never know --- maybe she'll be single in the near future.
that's if you haven't already fallen for somebody else. hehe
I dont know. Theres no specific remedy to get over someone. Even IF youre already over someone, sometimes you would still think about the bittersweet memories you once shared.
I dont believe in jumping into another relationship with someone else to "help" you move on. Firstly, it is unfair for the other person, as they have to deal with your emotional baggage and it might turn out to become a rebound relationship. Rebound relationships will never work for me. Secondly, you need time to grieve.. eventho it takes years. A friend of mine took almost 3 years to get over her first love, and it was worth the wait. You need to be fair to yourself and the other person.
anyway, IF you still think that she is the one, always have and always be.. just wait for her. You dont know what the future hold for you..
I hope you will get happy and choose the best thing for yourself.
you know what ? people always say time heals everything .. and i am not really sure yet . when it happens , i will be sure to tell you . i think you should talk to her again .. maybe she broke up or something .. who knows ... sometimes , talking and befriends with the one who hurt you is the best way to get over someone . (: good luck .
@AcrossTheRaspberryGalaxy@xanga - that usually seems to be the best way...just to erase all tracks of the past, and start a new. BTW, good for you Raspberry!
Time does heal the heart, and although experiences like yours dont come all that often, try to keep an optimistic mind and progress with the best intentions.
And why did Xanga use a picture of Kanye?? I dont see any relevance??
Time, alone, has never done anything without the ability of a person. You cannot wait for time to do something about the situation. Start somewhere and in time, you'll get there.
NO TIME DOES NOT HEAL ANYTHING
Don't try suicide as I did but put your faith in God and he will show you the way. If you were meant to be together you will be, if not now some day. Things happen for a reason even if that reason isn't obvious. Follow Gods teachings be honest and be yourself, good things come to those who wait.
I've been with a person for six years and I got over him just like that. Maybe because all my anger, bitterness, and resentment played a part in that but. I have always been a "fast mover" in my past relationships. I never dwell on them.
I guess you just have to accept it and move on with the right motive in mind. You will find someone. Maybe you're just not allowing yourself to go completely out there yet.
@DeathzDezign@xanga - Thanks =)
I think many people have been bigger fools than you, me being one of them. I waited for a guy to leave his gf, I waited around for him, and possibly missed out on some amazing things!!! Good luck and I think sometimes time means alot of time!!!
if you don't like something, change it. if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
don't waste the present or the future dwelling on the past. you can't change what has already happened but you have the power to change what's yet to come. so do it. don't just sit around hopeless. you are not alone, plenty of people have felt the pain of unrequited love. it took me 4 years to get a kiss from mine, and so i got hopeful but it went nowhere and i was hurt and depressed about it.
all it took was for me to get myself out there and just meet new people. i go weeks without him ever even crossing my mind. i have moved on, numerous times. it's hard but life goes on.
try your luck with her again, be open and honest. don't pressure her. if she's still not interested, you have your answer. if things are meant to work out they will. but how do you KNOW someone isn't out there who actually is as close to a perfect match as possible? and you might miss her by dwelling on this girl. she's obviously not the one for you if she doesn't want to be with you.'
(plus, girls always want what they can't have lol)
and time doesn't "heal" anything.
it just takes time to be able to be able to live normally. i would advise talking to a counselor or something, because there may be something else going on here too...i had the same problems as you and it turn out i have mild depression, and ADHD (that accounts for my lack of motivation)
time for a lifestyle change. go for it.
two years and you're not over her? That's a bit much for having just been obsessing over a girl but never taking a chance and DOING anything to win her over either. One person shouldn't be how you define happiness in your life. If that's the case, the problem lies in YOU
as cliche as it may sound but yes time really does heal. it doesn't hid or remove the pain but it does heal eventually. basically its a broken heart with a band-aid and eventually a scar. how long does it take!?... it really depend on the person.
it's those scar that reminds us that, when u do find the "one" you have battle scars to show that person that u can love and be able to love because you have been there. those scars will remind you and make you appreciate the next person even better.
to me, if your connection with this girl is really as strong as you say, then to me, in this situation it's not about getting over her because truthfully, there will be somebody in ur past that you will never be able to just "get over". in this situation, it's about believing in that thing call "destiny / fate" and that phrase (somthing along the line of this... ) "if you really love that person, let them go and if you guys are meant to be, that person will come back...." it's also about letting that person go and knowing that you have loved and not love at all. even if it was one sided.
"finding someone else, so u can get over another person" that has some truth to it. but if u find yourself not being able to do that, than you, yourself should be your own motivation for life....work... a girl is not worth wasting your life on. During this time of " single hood" have fun and find out what life means to you. find out who u are. love yourself first...as the saying goes... you can't love, give love to another until you love urself first.
hope that helps and best of luck! love can be so cruel yet so sweet!
oh yeah and u were not a fool. u were a great man. u respected her relationship and the bf. good for u!
I feel you.
Improve yourself,you don't need a gf/bf/lover/love to be happy.
My thoughts I will give you for free. You're being a cry baby. If there is something you don't like in your life fix it. You have a good set of legs there. Get up and use them. Life is about learning to move forward and getting stronger. And if you say "I can't." Then I will say. Can't never could cause he never really tried. He didn't put his heart soul and very essence of passion into it.
Sometimes you don't really get over someone else for a long time, but this girl shouldn't be one of them. If she had a bf, and allowed herself to be emotionally available, she's not exactly the type you want relations with. You'd have to assume she'd find someone else to open up with emotionally if you were together. Isn't that considered emotionally cheating? Its hard to move on, but a way you can try, is to seriously focus on the negatives of what could have been (yeah, not the good stuff, but why she wouldn't make the greatest gf). Love shows up when you least expect it, so don't look for it. Focus on bettering yourself, because your confidence and self esteem is what draws women to men... when you love yourself, others will find it easier to love you too.