I've had several female friends of mine who were in long distance relationships. Ever since I first encountered this phenomenon through the associations that I've made throughout life, I've always thought one thing and one thing only....
"What the hell are these people thinking?"
I lost a great friendship in high school because I was trying to talk my friend about her relationship. Her problem was that her bf basically viewed her as a sex object and never wanted to spend any real time with her. Meanwhile, my friend decided to heed the advice of her girl friend and convinced herself that she was somehow at fault for the deterioration of the relationship.
Once my friend told me who she was taking this ridiculous "advice" from, I laughed. She was taking advice from a fellow student who was in the midst of her first relationship; except that her boyfriend lived in Baltimore and we lived in New York. I'm pretty sure I smacked my forehead in disbelief too. Who worse to take advice from than someone who has never even met or spent any time with her own boyfriend... :: sigh ::
Next up, we have a former friend of mine who starting dating a guy who all of a suddenly upped and left to join the Navy. He didn't consult her about this decision, and she never saw it coming. So instead of breaking it off, she spent almost four years "dating" the guy. I sympathized and empathized with my friend because she would gush about how amazing it felt when he was around in the brief moments that he was able to leave his post and come to New York to see her. However, those times were extremely few and far in between considering he was always on the opposite side of the country. I would say he was around maybe ten to fifteen days out of the year at the very most. While I accepted my friend's relationship, I quite simply never understood it.
Now I have a friend who has an ex that lives in Alaska and is also in the military. He offered to pay for her flight and hotel from New York to come up and "see him" for two days, and now she's telling me that they might get back together...even though he's closer to Siberia than New York. All I can say is, what the hell are these people thinking???!
Ladies and gents, can you explain to me what the deal is with long distance relationships? Why are people so willing to try to make an impossible situation work? It makes absolutely no sense to me.
It's time for you to sound off.
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Comments (512)
i don't think i could do a long-distance relationship for an extended period of time (for example, i would do a 'long distance relationship' if i was going away for a study abroad program for a few weeks or months, but i could not do a long distance relationship if we lived apart from the beginning)
I dont get it either. I mean, I'm talking to a guy who lives half an hour away from me, an hour by subway, and I'm questioning that because of the distance.
I dont see a point in having a relationship with someone you can never see or spend time with. All you have are phone conversations, and both parties probably lie to each other alot because, well why not?! Who's gunna find out?
all i can say, sometimes it love works wonders and other times people are just too scared to let go of something they are comfortable with. and ur first friend was just plain stupid.
Depends on the distance and if both parties are willing to work through it.
yeah forget LDRs when you haven't even met them. No thanks.
simply they're in love.
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He recently moved 2 hours (not bad at all) away. I don't think there is any reason why one person should not be with another person if both people in the relationship are willing to work at it. Of course it will be tough. How I see it is: since i've already invested 3 years into a relationship, I shouldn't just drop it because it may be hard or I may not be able to see my boyfriend as often as I'd like. if it works for the two in the relationship, why should an outside party criticize?
If the distance was a temporary situation then that's alright. But when you have to wait 2+ years to be together again? Or that person or you will never consider moving to the other person's town? Forget it!
are you jealous..
we could then talk about the ridicolousness of marriage or ridicolousness of sex at first date or other "ridicoulous things". Enough with all these "standards".
Every relationship works with its inner equilibriums, rhythms and times. Some LDS works really good and in the end could turn into a wonderful experience (even a family). Others just won't work at all.
That stands for "normal" relationships too, am I wrong?
I won't personally advice to stay away from these things. Everything could come to our personal advantage and help to grow and improve ourselves.
Mistakes sometimes are more useful than applauses..
Clearly you've never been in love.
Seriously, though, every relationship is different and has different driving forces. Yes, the ones that start off long distance are better off not had...but in the case of someone who was together, and then had to be separated because of work or school, then why would you *not* want to try? Could you really break up with someone that you love just because of the distance? If you did that would you break off all contact, or keep in touch? Could you handle keeping in touch with someone you love, but have decided not to be with?
There are a lot of choices that go into something like this and personally I think it's better to stay together and let a relationship run its course rather than ending it because you aren't willing to wait.
My boyfriend is a marine and starting in October he'll be away for 6 months, and up to a year. I'll see him maybe twice during that time. Then he'll be stationed somewhere. I am going to school in my hometown and I intend to finish school (at that point I'll have another year) before I move anywhere to be with him. Should I break up with him? Does the year and a half that we've already invested together not count enough to hold on? Or the love?
I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years. We met online yeeears ago and decided to meet a little over 3 years ago. I don't think you should be dating someone you never met before because they can be totally different than you're expecting once you finally do meet. I see my boyfriend on average 3 days out of the month. Sometimes more, though.
I think as long as you have met them and spent enough time getting to know them, I don't see anything wrong with it. Sure it would be nice to be able to be with my boyfriend whenever I wanted to see him (he's actually going to be moving out here soon - we live 8 hours apart right now..So that could be a reality very very soon) but I love him so much - I wouldn't give up everything him and I have just to be with someone who can physically be here all the time. It just wouldn't be the same feeling as I have with my boyfriend.
I guess it all depends on what's the most important to you though..
We can also talk about the ridiculousness of deeming relationships that you've never been in and experienced "impossible situations".
People involved in relationships with military personnel know what they're getting into. Those men and women do a great service for their country, the least people could do is stick around and try to give them something to come back to. I don't understand all this negative sentiment towards soldiers and their relationships.
LDR's are still relationships and involve real emotions. Maybe you've never experienced emotions of that intensity or haven't had a relationship you thought was worth taking a risk for, but people do every day and can be as happy as couples living 5 minutes away from each other. The question you ask is like asking why people would buy blue shirts over white ones, or why some people like vanilla over chocolate. It's a personal decision, one you can't understand until you're put in that situation yourself.
Have you even been in a relationship? Weren't you the same poster scared of women?
I am currently in a long distance relationship. We celebrated our first anniversary, September 23rd.
IMO, love is too rare to have a reason to deny it if you feel it and if you're positive it exists.
Nonetheless, I respect your point of view. :)
@RazorBladeParade@xanga - I wish I can recommend your comment. :) I agree 100%. It's a matter of preference. Thank you for sharing.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - Welp, you know my thoughts on this. :) Hahaha
I am engaged to a man in Spain. We are obviously in a long distance relationship. Love makes anything work out.
Let me just say this. Nobody has a right to judge some for the choices they make in a relationship. It makes me so angry when people say, "oh, long distance can't work. Don't bother." Hell it can't! If you want something enough, it WILL work. And if two people are in love, then they can most definitely make a long distance relationship work. It's the hardest thing to do, to be apart from the one you love, so if you say to someone something like that, you are a rude bastard.
@AznFier@xanga - true.
xo
Well if you're with someone you love and they do decide or had already decided to be in the military or something that requires travel, I'm sure you'd do it.
And in my case, I lived in a small town full of stupid 'roided out shitheads, and I ended up meeting this amazing boy by chance who lived 5 hours away, but we both knew something was there so we decided to try it out anyways.I was always skeptical of them too, until I found someone I loved enough to try it with. Also, I knew I just had to finish up high school and I was going to move anyways, so it was only going to be a couple of months. In the case where there is no time limit of when someone is moving or coming back, then yeah, I don't see a point either. Someone has to compromise or it just doesn't work.My marriage goes from LDR to living in the same house every so often. I don't know what your problem is with LDR, but they definitely do vary. Meeting someone one time and "dating" them is clearly different than being married and having to be separated for 6 months every couple of years or so.
People who cannot survive a LDR probably were never meant to be together. It takes a special strength to endure the challenges, but it can be done. LDRs are not destined to failure. And what right do you have to judge someone else's relationship as valid or not? If you're not a member of the relationship, you have no right.
@RazorBladeParade@xanga - That was amazing, and I could not have said it better myself!
To the writer of this post: It seems clear to me that you probably have never been in love. If you had, you would understand long distance relationships. We cannot help who we love, whether they live two minutes away or if they're clear across the world. You talk most about military relationships, and, as someone in a military relationship, I can honestly say that it isn't for everyone. It really isn't. However, it is not an "impossible situation," as you seem to think all LDRs are. Military relationships take work, just like any LDR, but it also involves patience, understanding, and having to handle disappointment, time apart, short phone calls, worrying . . . it's not easy, but, like your friend with a man in the Navy said, when he's around it's amazing. I don't expect everyone to understand these relationships, you really can't understand it unless you've experienced it. If your post was a mere statement of not understanding, that would be one thing, but you ridicule people, women in particular, who choose to be in long distance relationships. Who are you to say it is an impossible situation? Especially when you've never experienced it. These relationships are hard, and sometimes they can hurt, and that's when we need our friends, real friends, not people like you who are waiting to tell us how "stupid" we are for even being in the relationship in the first place. Sure, things can be bad, but when they're good, they're really good, and the people we wait for are clearly worth it to us. I know my boyfriend is worth it to me, so I will wait for him. I waited for four months last year, I will wait for six months this year, and I will be sad, and I will get angry, but I will send him letters and emails, and I will tell him I love him, and when he gets home, I will be here waiting to hug him and kiss him. What are we thinking? We're thinking we love our SO. I, for one, hope that you feel this kind of love one day, so you can understand for yourself why we stay, why we even start these relationships.
Thing is about long distance relationships, there is so many less variables, less physical contact, no idea of cheating, etc....but essentially, the only thing holding together the relationship, is communication. (Thank you skype, no cellphone).
It can only go well, if one is going to move close to the other...this is whats happening with my relationship (woo!), otherwise, thereeee isn't really a point but a bond over distance.