Why is it when people break up, they have to trash talk about their ex to their friends?
This is something that is common among males and females. It happens all the time where when your friend is in a relationship, everything that comes out of their mouth is always a positive thing and could almost come off as bragging. Whether it's great sex, huge male anatomy, their bedroom skills and outside the bedroom skills. But once the relationship is nonexistent, everything becomes negative. The sex was bad, he was too small, she can't give head, he can't find my G-spot with a map and a flash light, he's a slob, she can't cook, he's got bad odor, she's got bad breath...the list goes on and on.
So why do people feel the need to talk up their current SO only to trash talk them later on when things don't work out? Does that mean they were lying to make their SO looked better at the time when there was a relationship or does it mean they're bitter at the end? Have you done this before?
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Comments (63)
It's easy to see positives when things are going well, and it's easy to see negatives when things aren't going so well. I think it means the person is just bitter because it's over.
It's also easier to see negatives once you aren't so caught up in liking or loving someone.
When my last relationship ended, I knew that he had treated me so badly...it makes me feel better about wasting three years when I hear others tell me that he didn't deserve me, and that I deserved better than him.
it's because we feel the need to do talk down on that person because that person broke our hearts and it's better to blame someone than to take that responsibility for our own action.
i would think it's just cos the person is bitter. i know i've done it before, i'm not gonna lie. but then i got over it and was like "eh. life goes on."
People are blinded by love and exaggerate the positives. Then they are bitter and hateful, so they exaggerate the negatives. I think it's just perspective and point of view of the moment thing. I am totally guilty of doing both (:
it's easier to say nice things when things are good. when things are going bad, and the relationship ended, you're upset and mad at the person; how can you say something nice about them?
i'm going through this right now.
Not Guilty.
However, it is either part of people's personal grieving process, or just a general realization that they no longer have to deal with these things. I feel it's the former rather than the latter. Simply put, you don't have to talk about the things you didn't like after the fact, but maybe some people just deal with the pain and hurt a little better by talking trash. Not the best route to self-medicating those wounds, but definitely a route to healing, unhealthy as it may be.
It's anger. Sometimes it's better to talk things out.
I trash talk the crap out of my ex. I was happy for a while, I admit it, but after a while I realized I was glorifying everything he did because I wanted to be with someone so badly. It took me a while to realize he was the biggest jerk I've ever met...even after he broke up with me. And it was pretty darn messy.
While in a relationship, some people are just so enthused to have someone that they don't see or choose to valiantly ignore the fact that they're being used, treated horribly, etc. It's the fact that your mind goes "But...but...but...I love him" and that reigns above all. It doesn't matter if he hits you, or he's just using you for sex, or he wants nude pictures of you (I see that as degrading...that's just imo)...it's that initial realization that you are attached to him that keeps you gushing out the positives to your friends...even if it's not true.
Once you break up, the truth comes out...or you just try to use the negative to help your mind move on. Usually it's both. Nothing's perfect.
guilty. usually my exes all end up being total sleezebags after we break up though. ie one went out with another girl the same day he broke up with me, as well as flirting with all my friends in front of me while we were still dating, i think i had a right to trash him.
meh, i think both are kind of immature to do. not that i havent been guilty; remembering the bad times afterward helps get past them though....
I know I've done this. It helps to get over the person, I think. Concentrate on the negatives, and there is no reason to miss them. It almost makes sense.
Because people are immature.
You obviously dated this person for reasons you liked, so why does the end of the relationship automatically end that appreciation?
I talk crap about my ex because I want to reassure myself that the break up wasn't a mistake.
one of two reasons. first being that when they were in a relationship, they didn't want to look like they were with people subpar or second being that they need a way to let out frustrations and console themselves in a pathetic way.
Hmm I don't trash talk my ex..but in general (unless people break up on good terms) there's probably some bad reason there they broke up..When you're together - things are good, or you at least want them to be. If they break up with you for no reason, or cheat on you or something..I would kind of expect someone to talk badly of them. Not saying it's right, but it happens for those reasons.
It's just out of bitterness/sadness. Sometimes you end up making them sound much worse than they actually are, and you know the things you're saying aren't right of you to say, but you're saying it anyway because it's making you feel better and giving off the "I'm fine" appearance. Kind of like the song So What by Pink. Haha. I'm guilty of it.
its because of anger... i think. idk sometimes it just happens t hat way
Obviously because there is some sadness that the relationship ended. Doesn't mean that it wasn't good while it lasted, but clearly, it helps a bit to talk about the bad stuff, too, otherwise the relationship would probably still be intact.
It's out of anger from heartbreak or from being hurt. I don't do that personally. I find people need to be a little more headstrong when it comes to that stuff, but i'm friends with all my exes.
I stopped (seriously) trash talking in middle school. There is no point. I don't know her, so how do I know she's a bad person? The most I'll do now is joke around and say "Gawd what a ho" in the privacy of my own house to my own boyfriend if he too is feeling the need to rant. Besides that it's none of my business.
My prior relationships have been mistakes, but they're nevertheless always positive learning experiences. But that's to say in the light of things.
In retrospect, I talk trash about my exes once after realizing their truest personalities. It's one of those things where each relationship will vary among those of others. But my past boyfriend was definitely not even the LEAST worthy of having a girlfriend. Realistically, he was just not simply ready to put forth the time and effort to nurture our "relationship".
He's an egotistical braggart and a testosterone-driven, animalistic, momma's boy who conspicuously checked out girls while physically next to me and talked to me about girls he found hot and even out-right told me they were. And THAT wasn't the only few problems.
He simply had no respect for me as his girlfriend and disregarded my feelings. His response when I brought it up? "You shouldn't be feeling annoyed or mad." That's it. No sit-down, no resolution, nothing to remediate the problem. He implied that my being annoyed of his rude and inconsiderate actions are THE problem and NOT him.
All of my friends also agree that my annoyances have been legit, and he is blind to recognize that he has a lot of tact to learn.
I'm glad we broke up. I think that in the position I was in when we were together, I feel like I have the right to express how stressed, belittled, and angered he made me feel. Because I know that I deserved better and that was a relationship I needed to get out of. I needed to "trash talk" about my ex to remember the value of myself as a person and become healthy again.
haha i can't say anything.. my ex bf and i ended up pretty bad.. he never wanted to try while i kept on trying.. ugh!
@katvuvu@xanga - Same here.
I hate it when people do this. I understand that it must be somewhat necessary to just get the poison of a bad relationship out of your system, but I think it's really immature.
My boyfriend used to tell me all these things he hated about his ex ("She never tweezed her eyebrows," "she was a boring kisser," "she never decided if she liked school or me more") and all I could think of is "why are you talking so much about her?"
There's a point when bitterness turns into a weird fixation. I've just always avoided the whole thing as best as I can.